Good Morning!!!!

There is a war and conflict I can tell. I have been sensing really good energy lately, coming in very strong, and then counterinfluence wanting to ruin it. For my own life at least. It's not the danger-tension level I sensed all the time when I was in D.C...there, the current was constantly shifting and setting me on edge and then I could sense break throughs.

This is more like, very strong and positive energy that's been coming through and then a few bucks and groans and some sado stuff that wants to cover it up. Someone wants to blow my candle out, won't let Satan poof it out.

First, I gave great thanks to God and asked God to thank those who came in and helped when I started having some group using technology against me again. I take it for granted and realized someone might be having to go through great effort to take care of it and so I knew I had to give thanks. I had the last 2 days with very little problems.

I am also so very thankful for the people in WA looking out for my SON. Whatever you can do, I am glad for. There is strength in numbers.

Last night in bed something was starting or it happened briefly last night, but it was very brief and hardly noticeable. I also had dreams but I really feel like it is better when I have rest from dreams because lately the dreams have been attached to sleeplessness and what seems more like psychic influence stuff.

I can't remember one of them. I had two very vivid dreams that I remembered. The first one was at the start of the night. I remember it some because I woke up enough to reflect on it. The second one was urgent but I can't remember it now and I had it right before I woke up. In the first one, some man came to me and wanted to kiss me or something and it was like something out of a C.S. Lewis or Harry Potter book. There were, I think, two men and possibly brothers but I am not 100% about that anymore and wonder if it just came to mind later. I remember that when I woke up I thought about Harry Potter and the twin brothers who are playing around with the orb thing in the center of the room but this was my own thoughts wandering and it wasn't in the dream. I am not sure if that's where I got the idea of brothers but my exchange was with one man. This one came to me and kissed me and I felt all of my energy going out of me, tangibly being sucked out of me to where I was physically losing strength and I thought I might die. I was almost going to die from it. It was about "making stars". I said something about please don't take the star essence out of me or he was taking part of something from me so that he could also be a star. Whatever that means or meant in the dream I don't know. It wasn't to be a star in a bad way. It was for a good purpose but it was taking the life out of me almost. So as he was kissing me or trading breath or energy or taking from me, I was getting very weak and thought I was going to die and then I summoned all my strength and suddenly my power and strength came back and he stood back and he had what he needed for being a star. We were standing the whole time, clothed, but when I was losing strength I started to visibly pale and almost collapse and then I prayed, in my mind in my dream and said "No" and willed myself to strength again. It wasn't like hollywood star or anything but I don't know what it was.

It was sort of like in Harry Potter movies where someone's energy is being sucked away and then they come back, or like Bella or something but reversed. I haven't seen or read anything from either or heard comments about either for many months and nothing about stars or 'star essence' either.

In the dream I could feel it happening and I could both feel it and sort of see it from a distance and especially when I was almost exhausted of my 'star essence', energy, and life. Then, this surge happened, and it completed and threw him back and I was back to myself. I was still whole but I had given him some kind of new life or new power. The only words spoken were something about making a star and star essence and then the idea that I was imparting something to someone.
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It was distinct enough for me to wake and ponder it and think about it, without writing it down, determining to remember it in the morning. Then I had one in the morning before I woke up but I don't remember it bc I didn't reflect on it as much.
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My first song of the day is by Mary Mary "Shackles". Last night right before it came out, I saw in the mind's eye, something breaking a chain like a prison chain and then this song came on right after the image came to mind.

Oh that is funny. I just clicked to look at the video and landed on "Rib Rib Rib" on a storefront. I had written, on this post, and then deleted, it was like giving up a rib like Adam and Eve and then I had thought about that Katherine Hepburn movie "Adam's Rib" except it was almost the reverse, like Adam was being made by Eve, or needing something from Eve. The star essence thing from my dream.

I guess this song is about believing and this morning this other song I heard was about I believe or believing all things are possible. A different christian song I like.

The only thing I can think of that could have influenced my dream was that the pastor said last night she believed some people there were going to become pregnant and in the sense of pregnant with the holy spirit or giving life to others. But it could have also referenced my life or some other meaning.
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This morning I was wanting to go to an early episcopal church service at 7:00 a.m. but someone who was new to the area had asked me the night before if I'd walk with her to the library. I was going to try to do both but I didn't sleep well at all last night and slept in and then I had no idea it was her, but she fell out of bed. There were other guests and all were around and called an ambulance and I figured adding me to the crowd would just be another person in the way since they were handling it but I didn't know it was HER! The same woman I was going to escort to the library. I was with a ton of women last night and she was at the far end and I had no idea it was her but there were so many people I figured I'd be a nuisance and I could hear that they were taking care of things. If it had been near me or no one was doing anything, I would have taken action.

I had thought it was providential that she asked me last night because I had told God I wanted to fast something new or different besides just food. So right after I was thinking of some things to do, this woman asked me and I was glad to have an opportunity.

Then last night I cleaned some things before bed and got this towel and I thought, "What is this? the holy rag?" because it was full of holes but also seemed to have some kind of a nice pleasant oil on it. I have no idea what was on that rag--it's hard to explain. I didn't clean as part of any fast. I just did it. I was going to fast something else and I'm still planning to do it but will think of the right time.
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The other thing that happened yesterday was that someone returned both my gloves and my EBT card. The EBT card was possibly returned at a cafe when I left my bag unattended in a corner. I have no idea why someone takes my things to return them later unless they're worried I know, or want me to guess who they are, or want to make it look like I just misplaced something and it was never stolen. I know without a doubt that the card wasn't in my bag because I fully emptied it out and searched several times. The gloves I'm slightly more puzzled by.
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I think I have the sort of idea but I still don't get the dream. but it was more like essence as described in an online dictionary definition or "essence" defined by philosophy on wiki. What the star bit is about in combination, with essence I don't know but it was that I already was and had this and was imparting it to another. Sort of weird. Which is why I thought it was kind of sci-fi.
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looked up stars on wiki and at songs.
clicked on bryan adam's song "Star" from movie Jack. The javelin things are sort of like the arrows I had in an image but in this video they're more javelins. But in my other image, where I was told God wanted to put arrows in my hand, and I saw a woman pulling something out of a bag, they were long flexible arrows but not javelins (no stars attached) and I didn't see a bow.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV80KZAfKCM

I thought this video was interesting with the circles in the beginning because I put on a t-shirt today that has a big white circle on it that made me think of "O for Oliver" (my son). Really good energy: 9:42 a.m. CST after posting this song.

Then, I have felt sort of sad energy. Not sure why.

Last night there was a great service and then the night before as well. And before that, just a couple of songs and a passage from Isaiah but the energy was extremely powerful. I felt like I could sense the presence of God or a lot of people praying or something. Maybe my son was happy too. I don't know.
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I saw the front page of The New York Times with the Afghan people and the article about pakistan. The one guy with a shawl in blue and white and it made me think of this passage I turned to in the Bible in the last day or two. It was a part that I noticed because it was when David and Saul talked about a truce. Saul thanked David for not killing him when he could have, when Saul had tried to kill David. David said, even though he knew he would one day be king (at 40 years of age) that he would not harm "the lord's annointed". So Saul was remorseful and said may God be with you for your righteousness and they left in peace. But then it says, even though they talked, David thought to himself, "Saul will one day kill me" so he left Israel to live with...Philistines.

So this is sort of like an Israeli person fleeing his own country and people to go live with the Taliban. They were traditionally enemies but David thought if he lived with the Arab people maybe Saul would forget about him and not find him there.

I thought about this for a little while. How strange that David would find his refuge, for a certain time, within a traditionally "enemy" camp. I wondered how long he did this and if the Philistines all knew where he was and who he was. I would imagine they did know.

It's sort of like Mary and Joseph and Jesus having to flee from Herod.

I know philistines then is palestine now but I think the tensions were more pronounced then than they are now. I think it would be more like living with the Taliban. David even worked as a mercenary for the Palestinians, for King Achish. From wiki, "The monarch with whom David sought refuge when he fled from Saul (1 Sam. 21:10-15)."
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My idea to fast something was to fast writing and not write in my blog or check email for 3 days and do other things.

So when this woman asked me last night to show her to the library, I thought this was a good opportunity to do other things.

However, I also thought I need to write out some of the things that happened in Wenatchee and I feel many things have happened to prevent me from doing this and maybe the timing isn't right.

Something seemed to be really moving in a good direction a few days ago and then something or a large group obstructed things again. I was harassed, provoked, and then my things stolen and then returned, and people screwing with my telecommunications. Then yesterday I think whatever group it was calmed down, I guess after they felt satisfaction from my outbursts to police about what was going on. I don't know. There are still really weird shifts going on but I am trying to get through.

I cannot go back to Wenatchee. It would be like committing suicide. I can go to take care of legal things but too many people know how to concentrate and target me there. I intend to make reports that are necessary and feel a little more support in this regard from this state. I might be able to finally get someone to look into the poisoning attempts against me, and possibly other forms of torture which have affected both me and my son.

I have so much crap in my system from being medicated and getting ill and disoriented and moody from it, that I can't sort everything out completely, as to my health, but I have sworn off all fast food, restaurant food, and anything that doesn't come in a can or prepackaged which I choose myself. Today I had half a bagel but I'm not even doing this anymore. Yesterday my drinks were all from sealed bottles. All of my food was sealed. I went to McDonalds wanting fries the other day and left, and bought a bag of sealed potato chips instead. I had coffee from Starbucks but made sure I watched where it was coming from and that others were served the same thing.

I know that I am under the influence of some kinds of medications. I trusted a couple of sources I shouldn't have trusted and I now have to start all over. When I start thinking I'm being too paranoid and careful, I have screwed up and been dosed with something. So I am back to the first square and starting over and I don't expect to be getting back to normal for at least a month. It will be at least 2 weeks for most of it to clear out and then I would think 1 month until I feel like I am really able to assess where I'm at. It might be more like 1 1/2 months actually, from what I'm reading and that's for most of it to be gone.

I also made it very clear to an investigative officer, in writing, that I will be suing any party that has medicated me without my consent and any cooperating parties. That means ALL cooperating parties, from the time my son was taken from me until present.

I made a list of all of the problems I've had because of these attempts. I also note how the federal judge in Spokane thinks he doesn't have to honor my request for injunction which I made a half a year ago. I also note how the Judicial Committee for fitness in Washington has ignored my complaint against a Judge and failed to respond. No one gets away with this unless the fucking Lucretia Krebs was illegally granted permission with someone else, to expose me to trial medications. Because I already know who is already aware that I am NOT mentally ill and that I have had horrible things happen to me and my son, any medication of any kind, from the time my son was taken from me, will be used as damages.

I am told the State of Washington is conducting home visits in order to prepare to have my aunt and uncle adopt MY son, who was illegally taken from me to begin with.

This is the most aggregious and criminal cover up I have ever witnessed and what they know, is that they have to "discredit" the

firsthand fucking witness: me.

I am useless in court if I am "mentally ill" and any report I make is not credible.

Which is maybe why someone would still steal from me and then return things to make it look like it's not really happening.
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I looked up librium for example, and it take up to 6 weeks to clear out of the system. I am on a rigid diet of sealed and packaged and bottled food and drink for at least 6 weeks.
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I don't trust even one of the last boyfriends I've had in the last 2-3 years either. Not one of them has left me without doubts. The only thing that came out of being involved with any of them was harm and medication of me (by them, those they knew or were around or through the workplace) without my consent.

I have no idea why anyone tries to reference any of my boyfriends at any time.

I also had not one person in Wenatchee, that I lived with, who was trustworthy. Every single one of them was bad. I had bad things happen to me, was tortured literally, experimented with, and medicated without my consent.

I have no thanks for any of them and each one of them was stealing from me. There is only one who I can think who did not steal and yet he was using me and experimenting in his own way.

I have been celibate for some time, but very bad things were happening.

I had far too many problems resulting from working at The Post Pub and their subsequent lying about my employment to think they were on my side. I also was left in the literal dirt, and accused of things with others. Not having my period, as if I was on involuntary birth control with some of them, is another concern. I didn't give my consent for this.

I think some people wanted me out of the way of something so they brought in people to get close to me and find different ways to accomplish this.

What has been most feared is my own independence and abilities.

I also think my family has been duped more than once and misled when the best person to trust has always been their daughter. Too many have wanted to separate family and persuade my family to go in directions which were meant to harm or further harm me.

I also don't trust most of the men who I had dinner with or who approached me at different times while I was in Wenatchee.

I know I have people to thank for things and not sure who, and about my son, but a lot of people have tried to get close to me who have not had my best interests in mind. There are some who I don't trust simply for their anxiety over my being with someone as well. Some play both sides of the fence.