TTSOML #169: Computer Problem History (I)

I first noticed computer problems, after I met the monks of Mt. Angel Abbey and got involved with them. I've already written about how one of the first things was losing my graphics to "16 bit graphics and color". I had several computer techs say it wasn't normal and nothing they'd seen. I'm not absolutely positive this happened after I knew them, but I'm pretty sure.

What I am positive happened after I met them, was that I started getting duplicate emails, in my ingoing and outgoing email boxes. I would sent out an email and it would show I'd sent it several times, and often, the exact same time was on the submission. So I'd have 2-4 copies of the same email showing it was sent, but it had the same time. Other times, there would be a delay, but several minutes, between the duplicates, even though I'd only clicked "send" once. My family and friends started getting multiple copies of my email and I had a few tell me they were showing the same thing in their boxes too.

I talked to a couple computer people about it and they seemed sort of nervous about it. Then, other times, I would show up to 15 copies of the same thing going out or coming into my box.

I started getting groups of email like this.

It got worse after things went bad with the monks and I reported them. After they threatened me with character assasination if I didn't quit (Fr. Joachim wrote in an email warning me not to talk, "You wouldn't want your good name to be dragged through the mud would you?"), and after I was falsely cited by police they knew and used against me for their own means, I wrote an AOL blog page about it. I told Christa about it, and she knew where it was, and I had significant problems with it. It kept getting shut down, and I later found out Abbey attorneys actually contacted AOL and tried to have me booted off. I found out, because one of the AOL higher ups told me about some memos he was reading about me.

I had written a little blub called, "Romantic Relationships With Roman Catholic Monk" and also included Br. Ansgar's name and other names of people from the Abbey. I had major problems with the computer then, but it was all internet related. It was getting booted off almost as soon as I signed on, day and night, and a number of other things. Because of the number of duplicates of my emails, I sort of wondered if a group of seminarians with computer skills, or other group, was jointly involved in engaging in computer attacks and capturing my emails to read them first, mid-transmission.

I believe I had a computer guy tell me that's what usually happens with this kind of multiple email stuff, where the time is the same and then some of the copies show delayed sending as well. Some of my emails I'd send, and yet the time which appeared for their sending, was off by several minutes.

The biggest problems were noted after I put up my little "story" questioning the propriety of monks trying to seduce women and I also wrote about how Br. Ansgar had tried leading me to a shack in the woods, lying to me about where he was taking me. I wrote about the Abbot Nathan Zodrow and their attempts to cover up everything as well.

After being with AOL several years, the service got so bad, and they even cancelled me without notice once, and did some other things, and then I found out their legal people had been contacted by Dick Whittemore. So that explained things.

I also, in defiance of their threat to me to shut up, sent tons of email to almost every monastery in the U.S., and in Ireland, and even Australia, telling priests and nuns about what had happened. To their credit, there were a couple, I believe one in Boston or Chicago, who stood out. He was the only one to seem to be concerned and take it seriously and then an Abbey monk later yelled at me saying, "You contacted Fr. So-and-so?!!!!!" and I said yes. I think he was the only priest who gave them any heat for what they were doing.

I told my story, after I first tried to get information about whether what had happened to me was wrong or not (leading a woman to some kind of romantic relationship. I knew priests couldn't, but didn't know anything about monk requirements). Almost every single one of the nuns and clergy I contacted, told me it would be best to forgive and forget and not talk about it, to prevent "scandal" and spoiling the reputation of the church and faith. What was odd, was that most of them said to "report it" when they thought it was a low-level monk guy, but when I added the guy had a lot of influence and a higher position in the church, then they all said to keep quiet.

I eventually quit my services with AOL. I had too many problems with them. They kept taking my webpage down and I kept getting booted off and then I found out someone in their legal team had been connecting with the Abbey attorneys. So I cancelled.

I tried Earthlink and it wasn't so good and I kept getting bills from them, after I'd already cancelled. I could not get through with Earthlink. Finally, I think I was on Qwest service or something and it seemed to be better.

My regular name for my AOL account had been: Camassia24@aol.com. I chose Camassia for the description of the flower-root, and 24 for my then age. I changed my name a couple of times I think, but I remember this as being the one I communicated first to the monks and others with.

Christa usually emailed me from a yahoo account and her screenname was from "Proverbs31" or something like that.

I also emailed from college accounts, through Portland State University. These were my main accounts.

Later, I got a yahoo account of "Loree_Baird@yahoo.com" which I wrote to her from. Loree was my middle name and Baird was my mother's surname.

I remember Christa was always very interested in the dreams I had, as were the monks. I told Christa, sometime after I'd reported the monks or was about to, that I'd had this dream where I was riding a bull and it had one or both of its horns cut off and was bleeding and angry, and there were two people on it, me and another woman. It was able to buck the other woman off, but I held on and it couldn't get rid of me.

I didn't know then that the Abbey's firm name was Bullivant. Then again, at the time I was challenging some "bulls" (papal documents I discovered and had questions about). Another one Christa got very interested in, asking for recollection of precise details, was one where I saw a knight on a horse and that was all I saw. She kept asking for more detail and was acting excited about it. I told her I'd been thinking about all this Catholic church stuff and what they were doing to me too, and then this image, it was sort of a half-dream, came into my mind of a knight on a horse standing on a hill, and it was just dark. I couldn't see colors or features. The horse and the knight were black, as if in shadows. She really could not get enough of hearing about that one. I told her about this only a year into knowing her, or less. I didn't connect it with anything then. It was just random, I thought, but she acted like it was important and I don't know why.

I guess, since I'm on the topic of dreams and things, which really has nothing to do with computer problems, the last dream I had which I told Christa about, which had something to do with the Abbey, was that in my dream I was driving past the main Catholic church in the town of Mt. Angel (not St. Benedict, where the monastery is, but the adjoining town), and my car broke down. I got out and then I noticed a line of women, some young and some older, about 20-25 of them, who were on the sides of the church. There was one line where the regular church people were going in, and then the other line was to the side and there was also a bench there where some of the women were sitting. In the dream, the impression was that the women in the separate line were all women who had been exploited or abused by clergy and then ridiculed or told to be silent. I had the impression most or all of these women were also Catholic or had been members of the Catholic church. As the other parishioners walked into the church, with the women outside in the line, they mocked the women, yelled at them for being seductresses, and some of them had pity and expressions of sympathy but still walked by. I told Christa I thought this dream really was one that meant something. I felt there were at least this many women that the Abbey or church knew about, from the area, who had been exploited and/or abused, and then silenced. And they were symbolically, ostracized and left out.

Another dream I had, before I met the monks, about a year before, was that I was walking into a huge auditorium. It was giant. I was all alone, and I walked past thousands of people sitting in bleachers and standing around. I realized I was naked after I was on the stage and people were trying to get a look at me. For some reason, in the dream, I had large breasts and I was trying to cover myself because I walked onto the stage. A whole bunch of people were laughing and mocking me, and others were pitying and quiet. The impression was that I was being persecuted. In the dream, which I wrote down, and recorded the date, I then ignored everything and dove into a deep pool. I don't know how to dive well in real life, but in my dream it was a perfect dive. I dove to the bottom, and at the bottom was a childlike drawing of a heart which encircled the words: I love you Jesus. And then I woke up.