Theft of Cash, Again

For the second time in 2 months, I had money stolen from me, from my residence. I had $100 stolen right after I received money around the 1st last month, from the residence, and then I had about $80 stolen from me this month, right after I got money, shortly after the 1st.

I am also bombarded with the most crude forms of language and insults.

Which has at least helped me to understand why I am still single.

I don't want a well-mannered man who is patient and has things somewhat together, who even has a great personality, if he is a lying habitual cheater on the side.

I would also never have anything to do with any man who insults me in the manner in which I've been insulted.

I am not sure what some think I am accustomed to, or what I will tolerate, but I do not not tolerate that sort of behavior from men. I may not do anything about it, but you have got to be kidding if anyone would ever think I would touch that kind of thing with a 10 foot pole.

Putting in little digs or insulting me, and especially physical forms of assault--that is not something I would ever accept in someone as a friend or a date. I might have to live with it now and then, but I'm not befriending anyone like that, or taking them into my confidence, and I would never put up with that kind of abuse from someone who was interested in me.

I never would have stayed with my Ex from Colombia if he had ever treated me with the kind of open disdain or mockery or sometime-abuse I have received from other men, who, crazy enough, think they might have a chance with me or are maybe just upset to know they don't.

So then comes in all kinds of, "Yu think yer better'n me...WELL! you AINT!" (I nod and shut the door). I got that from someone last night, who, of course, I have never suggested the most remote interest in.

But on the other side of the coin, civility and having a fun personality and being chivalrous to some degree, doesn't go far either, or only so far, if you then cannot trust the person to be honest with you about dalliance. If you wish to dally, then at least be open about your wish. It's that simple.

And when someone acts really "upset" or tries to degrade me because I've said something about an impression I got about (gasp) Kate Middleton or something nice I discovered about the royal family, you know, I question why they are doing and what the motive is in trying to humiliate me. If it's no big deal, as should be, then why go out of your way to do something to me as an attempt to put me in my place?

My own family doesn't do this, not my mother or father or brother, although maybe someone would go along at some point, if someone asked them to for some reason but I can't figure out what that would be. Half the time, I am forced to stay with people who want to use me and spread information about me to others. I think some in my family want me to get the hell out of this area altogether.

Last night I was trying to do some cooking for my son (which I am still doing, because I have some things simmering in a crock), and it was just someone intentionally getting in my space who didn't need to be there and knew it. Then, it's a big interest as to what I'm cooking and how to share this bit of information, about what I'm doing, with others.

I keep to myself and I don't intrude on others' dignity by trying to degrade them constantly with comments and little "gifts" that are meant to be insulting. If I am able to keep to myself and not do this to others, I would think the least others could do, is return the favor.

I realized it is not just women (some) who feel I am a threat, but men, because I somehow threaten their egos with my disinterest. Which then turns into a comment that I had someone make to me last night: "Yu think yer SOMETHING, but yer NOT! Yer NOTHING, stray dog slut." (I guess this 'slut' should be getting retirement pay because I have been celibate for over 2 years now, by choice, and I guess really, I have never been a slut, by any definition of the word). Someone stood up for me, but it's just been this all the time.

I mean, that is what I had to put up with. My response? Silence.

Silence and walking away. Or turning up music, and maybe finally a "Get the fuck away from me." That is it.

I wish more women were empowered, or felt empowered to feel confident enough to stand on their own, regardless of how people might try to keep them down. You don't have to settle or accept anything. And you shouldn't. No one is able to bring you down to their level either, unless you allow them to feel bad about yourself or start to believe that you are somehow less important, unique, or special than you are.

I have had plenty of opportunities to date, or be in a relationship. And until I find a man who deserves my time and attention, I say "No".

That doesn't mean someone has to be perfect, but there are just a few normal guidelines that I adhere to, and moreso now, in deciding whether or not I want to get to know someone or spend time with them.
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Last night I had a long dream. I think it was one of those sender dreams though because I was half awake. I wish I could remember the one where I had a dream about all of these Russian people, because it was really interesting and detailed, but I forgot about it. I had it about a week ago. It wasn't bad or good, more of a large social network kind of dream. At first, I remembered all the faces and people and conversation and content, but then I didn't contemplate it and forgot and when I forgot to write it down, I just lost all of it except for a vague recollection of what it had been about in general. There were a lot of people in it.

The one I had last night, which I don't mind sharing, and I feel very strongly that this one was a dream that someone was attempting to send in some way. I don't know why, and I'm not sure how that's done, but a lot of things I don't understand doesn't mean it's not possible and I just had some kind of a feeling about it.

In the dream, I met someone's sister. They seemed to be regular American people. She invited me to their house and I was looking around and met her brother. At first he had blond hair. Later in the dream it changed to dark brown. But I was looking around at all the decorations and admiring them and first there was an autumn decorated room and then a yellow room I could see into which was really cheery. It was sort of a coming into some secret house in a way. I forgot some of the detail bc some of it was specific but then the sister went outside and her brother was interested in me. He was younger than me so I wasn't rushing to the idea and then at some point I was looking around and walking over and around all these strings of lights, and he plugged them in to see which ones worked. There were a ton. I don't know if he did this first or later, but at some point he did and then he was sitting down next to me and I was sitting and there was this secret. I think the secret, at least in this dream, which doesn't really make sense--was that he was Jewish. But it was modern era so I have no idea why, in the dream, it would be a secret thing, but maybe by representing something else, as a secret, in the dream. At first he looked tall and blond and then after he touched my foot, his hair was dark but that's sort of weird, but that's how it was in the dream, and he was hugging me sort of and he felt more frail than the person I first saw or met, but I didn't notice it until we were embracing. And then, at first, he was touching my foot but then it was more like embracing and crying, because he knew all the things that had been done to me. He was a stranger to me but then as the dream progressed it was like he had been a stranger but somehow knew me all along. So I was sitting there, and he was sitting, and I sat with one leg extended to one side and the other on the other side of him (maybe he was sitting on his knees?) and he took my foot (I was fully clothed with boots on as was he) and started moving his hand up my calf and then I stopped him because I thought his sister was coming back and what would she think, when I didn't even know him and then he hugged me and that's when it was like the idea of his having known me already. And then I woke up. Maybe the christmas lights were after that, I can't remember. I sort of think they were first and then I woke up after his sister was coming into the house. I think she had blond hair, in the dream. But it was just a dream and all over the place, as dreams are, probably picking up something from subconscious and something psychic and something sent...all together.

So the part that made me feel like it was a sent dream, by someone, was that at the very end, somewhere, there was a nike shirt or slogan or something and I went to a store after I woke up and got coffee and some guy came in with this logo on, but I feel it was a maybe a real dream and then just got screwed up or intercepted by something else that I picked up at the end of it.

I will probably delete this later today maybe. I don't know. I had a sad feeling after I posted it so maybe someone feels saddened by reading it, I don't know. But I will probably erase it later.
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Then, I was going to write about the harassment I got while trying to make a phone call the other night, which was really upsetting to me, because it was just another time I wondered what in the world is going on, that I have all these phone problems and people refusing to connect me to where I need to be connected. I started swearing, "fucking" this and that and I don't call people by this language, but just end up including it in my language for some reason, and I said, "I don't want to have to report this to the.." or "I'm going to REPORT THIS TO " and the operator said please don't swear and then said, the OPERATOR, said to me, "Well I'M going to report YOU!"

???!!!??? I was so mad and upset I could only stop with a scooby-doo "Huh?" (internal thought) for a few seconds to absorb that one.

I guess it's the first time I've ever heard of a 411 operator who tells the caller they are going to report someone for saying the f-word. I was using a phone from Jack-in-the-Box.

Jack-in-the-Box, get ready baby, for the FCC lawsuit.