Horrible Things Here

I left the house when the problems started and all I said, under my breath, while walking was prayer to God.

Nothing to say except calling out to God. Feeling afraid for what is going on here, and in the U.S. and what is going to happen in the world. Feeling the despair and lonliness as if God is (and probably IS) my only true friend. Feeling sick over the petty games, and very serious games that are being played, for no good reason at all, which cost lives and cause harm. Games over imagined or over-exaggerated insults. I really, at one point, felt, what is the use, and couldn't even focus on God enough to get out what I really wanted to say. So I stood there and focused and put my energy into it and prayed for it. Only God will know and only I will know if God answers this prayer that I prayed, specifically. It had nothing to do with me. And then I just walked and wondered if something really terrible was going to happen to the U.S. Nothing came to mind, but I felt there is a precipice.

Then, I had so much mockery directed torwards me while walking and I took a quieter road where almost no one went. I saw a certain officer, Chelan county, look really pissed at me, but not mocking as much as pissed, as if he thought I KNEW I had done something which affected others or someone in particular. I flipped him off, after he'd passed, just because I was pissed, to see more horrible mind games.

I went to the Safeway and got a salad and there was a man there who was Ashkenazi Jewish or German (?) but I don't know where I've seen him before. I'm almost 100% sure, but I couldn't tell where I'd seen him. He stared at me and just looked amused and sort of happy, and I was not feeling what he was feeling. Somehow I knew but don't know why. I got a salad and paid for it and everyone in the store was wearing black and "back in black" stuff. Not everyone, but a lot of people. So I left and I'd been fighting migraine and was going to go into the clinic and as I was walking down the sidewalk, these guys are just tailing me all over the place and a few seemed very excited as I passed by a group of sticks and rocks in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around and I think people knew I was going to the clinic, and as I was going IN, this woman in black and white, grinning at the security guard, was walking out and smirking at me. Hispanic woman.

The clinic has recently added a new pen holder to their front counter. One that says: CIA. And then has "Cuties in Action" underneath it in fine print.

There are only 2 main hospitals in town. The one I go to more often, for migraine, has a long front table for checking in. Nothing is on it. But of all things to choose to add, the people in Wenatchee decided to put out a cup with a huge "CIA" logo on it and then the joke underneath.

This is, of course, no different from Wenatchee people putting "CIA" books together in the kids' department, at the public library, and other things lined up, and thinking they are oh so funny and clever.

Mind you, it is not as if, at the clinic, there are a lot of things on "display" on that counter. No, it's always clear. But a few weeks ago, someone decided to add this nice little cup for holding pens to the desk. I'd like someone from the real CIA to whack some of these people upside the head. OOpps.

I'm living in a fucking ZOO.

But, (tee hee heee), they think they're really cute. They are the CUTIES in ACTION!!! I guess I have love-hate for the CIA. I blame them and hate them and then I think, "What's worse? the CIA or a bunch of nutjobs." and then I think, "Don't tell me someone works at that clinic and actually IS CIA." That would be the day.

So, this cup is nothing new, but then when this woman walked out, I see there is no one else in the lobby and all this CRAP is lined up all over the place. Someone, that woman I guess, put MY sweater, folded up, on top of a magazine on a chair. This is a sweater I haven't seen since I was pregnant with my son and I wore it all the time because nothing else fit. So someone HAD it, either I left it behind somewhere or someone stole it, and they had put it out on the chair. It was my grey sweater.

Underneath it was a cover of People magazine with a guy on it, getting married, whose face looks like Mike Tancer. January 11, 2010 issue--some guy named Jonas. Then, at every side table, there was something laid out on top of everything else, in an obvious way.

On one side table, a blue paper that said, loudly and in very large letters: "Do You Suffer from these Seven Symptoms of this Often Misdiagnosed Problem?..."

Then on the other table, The Elementary Safety Book For Children" which is never out here in the open. It was Canadian. Published by "The Mounted Police Foundation". Then, someone had taken blue pen, and on the inside, crossed out all the faces of missing children, did a maze, which was the only activity done in the book, tore the corner of the page where it has electric company ads, wrote in the "my identification" page some things: family name as "andreni" and given names: "lily, bella". At the very bottom for school: "Jews and Clark". Then two hands drawn together. Then missing children crossed out again and "I love you".

Then on a different table, a book of jonah and the whale. Then, on a different table, a newspaper for Monday, March 15, 2010 from the Wenatchee World which has "strong start for WVC fastpitch" and "King Felix solid in debut, but Seattle falls to Rockies," and "Beckham out for World Cup after tearing Achilles'.

On my sweater, that was returned and folded up, 3 anjou pear stickers on the sleeve with the number for the pear 4025 and a ladybug on it.

Honestly, I don't know what it was supposed to be about, but I wish I were ill enough to throw up because I feel like literally vomiting.

The worser part, was that the male receptionist, Ronaldo, was professional until I turned to leave and then I turned around, and I caught him, smirking like he knew. I had gone over and picked up and collected some of these things. I took my sweater, and I picked up the flyer, the newspaper, and I also picked up the "children's safety book" that was Canadian. I have them with me and I kept them. But I turned, and this guy thought it was so amusing. I asked what his name was and he told me and then the only other nurse out there was a "Skye".

I told them I was going in for the migraine treatment when it was worse, because I was coming in this evening just at the start of it, to head it off. They wanted me to stay but I left and then I walked out and some latina drove off in her car, laughing and watching me the whole way. Then, another woman was driving by. I don't think she thought I had a pen and paper with me. I pulled it out after getting her plates as she was also smirking and laughing: 806 YUN. At that point, it was a quiet night and then I saw an older man was just parked there, watching everything, and he did this big wave and smile and he was wearing bright red and of all things, had this gigantic green elf hat in the seat next to him: 803 SIQ. I think the latinas' plates were 486 XID but not sure. One woman I noticed as I was first walking, who was watching me very intently was driving a black SUV and I think the plates were 496 YUM.

It was only after what I experienced at the Wenatchee Valley Clinic, that I then saw this officer who looked so pissed and I flipped him off after he passed. Then this guy behind him looked happy and the next guy behind that one looked very pissed too. Ton of white cars.

I walked back and more mockery though a few normal people in outskirts, quieter and in, well, the crappier cars, if I must say so.

I honestly don't know what to do.

My son is not safe here.

I am not safe here.

I don't want to be here with these people and some of them are coming in from out of town or directed by others from out of town so it's hard to know.

I need to know who is on my side. I need to know and yet I have people playing so many sick and twisted mind games and enjoying themselves in it, and then others actually thinking I am doing things and know what I'm doing, it's very, seriously messed up.

It's not funny, it's not cute, it's not driving me nuts or paranoid, and it only makes me both sad and very concerned for the this country and others too. And it also makes me concerned that very bad people will do anything to hurt someone they think might love me and my son or care about us. They will hurt me and my son, and they will hurt others if they think they might care and that it will make a difference. And nothing is being done about it. I don't even feel some of the friends I thought were friends are really there anymore. So many are caught up in this.

It is so unhealthy and sick and then people act really shocked about a girl ending up dead, as if THIS is a big deal, when all the indicators for serious mental illness are all over this town. People who are normal and healthy, who are healthy mentally, do not play these kinds of group games and get a kick out of it. Not like this. It's not normal.