Homeless Venture

I learned a lesson.

I was willing to allow a couple people to be guests and the first one has been respectful but I had to turn someone away.

I was told to call a pastor and I did, to reach this person, and was told they were sleeping in their car so hoped to help, using judgement and the pastor said it was "Destiny" church or something. I don't know. They sounded very nice and I do hope this guy finds help from somewhere, but the problem was that he just walked right in without knocking or anything.

I felt uncomfortable with that. I thought I heard someone in the house and walked out to look and he was standing there and I said, "You didn't knock." He was just facing me and wearing a black shirt with a cross on it. No problem. He said he'd knock but I said, "No, that is a fundamental basic in respect and I'm not comfortable with this." So I asked him to leave. The only thing I'd asked him to bring, if he could I said, would be a couple rolls of toilet paper because we were getting low. So he brought in 12 rolls of MD paper and I told him he could take it with him. He said he didn't want to so I said okay and then he turned and left, and there was this "Savior Jesus" on the back of his shirt with Christ and a burning flame thing, like the "sacred heart of Christ" deal.

I'm actually confused as to what was going on because earlier today he had a different shirt on. I'm confused about what his church is too, because he was making a big deal about it and I told him it was all his business and I didn't need to know anything at all. I told him it was his private business.

I had a place made up for him and it would have been fine, but I just had a bad vibe with the no knocking and just walking in.

My intention was to help out women if I found any but I didn't. These guys said they knew the pastors of this one place, or different pastors, so I thought it was okay but...? I was planning to take numbers first and screen but I talked to a couple of pastors first so thought it was okay.

He said, "Well the pastor's wife says 'God Bless'".

So I think I have learned a lesson. What I don't understand, at all, is why, when he's, I guess a protestant convert of some kind, he wanted to change his shirt and wear one which is catholic? i mean, I don't know if this other guy is catholic, protestant, or jewish or what, but i didn't ask and don't care. It's not a condition to offering shelter, but I just don't get it.

I guess I got a "12" from MD. Maryland? May Day? I mean, if the shirt is supposed to mean something, maybe the toilet paper brand is too for all I know.

I guess I had a couple of reservations because this one guy nodded over to a different guy who was there today, reading some book about "PenDragon" and I didn't get the best vibe. Then, actually, this guy who is here, nodded to the same pendragon guy, and a few others and I just figured, I am doing this to be nice, and I don't know about their affiliations, but just trying to be a good steward of what I have also been given, if it's even for a short time.

When I was walking with this one guy, I had all these cars driving by slowly. Some people taking photos, and I felt like this was a game again. I almost turned him away, not because he wasn't clean at that moment but because I didn't want this to be another game and hurrah for some group motives I know nothing about. But I decided, no, at least this guy could use a shower and has been living next to the river on the hard ground, and I just figured if he's respectful, the least I could do would be to help a little.

It sort of pissed me off thought. While all these people driving brand new SUVs and cars were driving by in glee, after hearing how this other guy had been living out there with nothing when people in town even knew who he was, I thought, "What are THEY doing?" It's one thing to turn a blind eye and another thing entirely to make FUN of someone who is homeless or someone trying to help in some way. I thought it really made some of those who have money look very miserly and mean.

No, I don't always help with housing. But when I can, if it's safe, I have. And I have also given money to people who ask for it, at least a couple bucks, if I can and when I can.

I feel sort of bad about the other person because if he's really in his car, I wanted him to be able to stretch out. But if it's that bad, they do have a place for men, and in general. I just couldn't do a second chance on that. Some things are open for second, third, fourth, fifth...chances. If someone made a mess and didn't clean it up--I wouldn't kick them out. If someone smoked too close to the house, I wouldn't kick them out. If they were dressing in drag and cooking in the kitchen with too much cleavage and stockings showing, I wouldn't say no. Mental illness but not dangerous? no problem. But I felt like that one was just non-negotiable.

I was even giving up the foam mattress I sleep on and was going to sleep on the floor without anything but a blanket and space heater. I was giving him the foam mattress. And I wouldn't have said anything about it either, if it had been done. I wouldn't have blogged, "I slept on the hard floor, blah blah" because I wanted to do it as a practical sacrifice of giving to others, but now, I'm writing about it, because I get pissed when I try to go out of my way to care, and it gets ruined because someone doesn't seem to return the idea.

So now, I guess I will sleep on it myself.