wondering about supporters

I sometimes wonder who my supporters are. I was in Seattle and when I was, I ended up being with people who were just playing mind games again and I went to a place to sing. The woman there and the owner made all kinds of excuses to not have me sing. I sang "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered". There was a guy there, playing his horn, and then the piano player, when I started to sing, was trying not to cry.

This was before what happened with my voice. I still had my full voice and range. It was the same Seattle trip, but prior to what happened to me that affected my voice.

Anyway, this guy was sort of defensive, of me actually, and came over and said my song or singing had been the best all night. And there were very, very, good people there. I probably wasn't the better one, but he made a point of coming over and it was more like he knew who I was and supported me. He sort of snubbed the other peopple I was talking to, who I later found out, were just messing with me.

I mean, one had the friend who was a reporter and had all kinds of comments about Prince Harry or whatever.

I realized then, that there are people in the woodwork who really do support me, but can't say very much, and they feel defensive of me but go about their support in a quiet way, to avoid problems for themselves.

I had another guy come alongside me, who wasn't really a supporter, but a very nervous person who kept asking what I knew about Hanford.

anyway, I didn't know who that one guy was, but I really appreciated what he did, and i have no clue who he is or what he does but when i start to feel really down and like everyone is against me or messed up, when i have to go through what i do here, i think about people like this guy, and feel a small amount of, well gratitude definitely, but not as down.

realizing, there are really decent people out there even if they are hard for me to find.

it was strange, at that singing place, because everyone was allowed to sing 2 songs, but not me. the woman in charge cut me off, even though i was singing as well as the others.

it seemed to be more of that "keep this light under a bushel" thing, of jealousy or just malice, like, let's not allow her to shine in any way, whatsoever. which is also probably why some group decided to go after my voice, as it was one talent that set me apart.

really, very crazy stuff. for someone to literally go after me in that way, they really felt i was quite the threat. who has heard of such a thing? but it happened, just like the poisoning, which my anemia now supports by evidence.