I turned on the t.v. right at the moment MI-5 was on. I guess it was a coincidence because as I turned the t.v. on there was nothing I thought I'd like to see that might be absorbing enough for me to tune out. I tried watching Bewitched today and fell asleep. But it came to mind and it was on and at the beginning too!
I was looking up, though, "attend to your duties." i never say this and it came out of me when I don't think it ever has before but it was like I said it all the time. Terrible thing to say all the time, but I just wondered.
I am just now noticing, I had the same black jacket that this woman is wearing in this episode. With the zipper up and mandarin collar and then the small silver dangling thing from the zipper on the sleeves. It's the exact same coat or very similiar. I don't know which episode it is. It's...I see her sitting there and I basically had the very same look. That jacket, jeans, and black boots. But i think that was a few years ago. Except I think my breast pockets had discreet zippers instead of buttons. It was Anne Klein, the coat. It's a classic style but if I'm going by this, I would date this to 2004 or so. Maybe it's just a classic style now. It's the episode about Iran and the virus.
Which actually makes me think about the virus I just got over. I can't say I think it was natural. I had not been affected until I blogged about not getting sick and then all of a sudden, only one of two possible things happened, if it wasn't just natural--I was visited by Mormon missionaries, or a housemate did something, or possibly the monitor as during that time she got very close to me and went out of the way to do so. Of course it could be natural, but after what I've seen, and thinking about the timing of when I became so ill, it was more like a huge dose of something was passed my way. The Mormon guys seemed okay and one had tears in his eyes for some reason, but you never know.
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I looked it up, this episode is from 2007. I dont know, maybe I still had tht jacket then. Mine didn't have a belt though.
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THe sadness continued after I sensed something was wrong and found out my son was crying and sad. It continued for about 20 more minutes and then lighted up a little.
My son seemed to be in much better shape, in general, in the last couple of visits. He has been looking like his health is improving. Still some of the brainwashing but his health seemed better. I can tell he's still going through some things though.
I would like to know why my son was so pitifully sad. It was like my uncle was happy about it, in a weird way, lording it over him or me in some way. I seriously question what is going on. I feel my son was missing someone and it didn't have anything to do with any object but that he was just sad. I feel he misses his mother.
I also think there is something else going on and I wish I knew what that was. Who are the people who want me declared mentally ill so badly? I mean, some do, but who is really behind this? I do believe in the billions because it is no small thing to do the things which have been done. Even just getting someone to assault me in the way I've been assaulted, that's money. No one would do what happened to my voice, on their own. Someone would maybe tamper with my food for something small, but not the use of serious technology. All of that? that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Not even. And when I see very rich people who look devastated, some even with money, the stakes must have been high or the intimdation factor out of control or the control, one which is very difficult to fight. I see it as many levels, with some smaller motives piggybacking the agendas of very powerful and rich groups. Very rich. No one would put all of that money out on their own. It was a pool, or has been, a large pool of money with some very rich sponsors. A few very rich organizations, as well, I should say.
A lot of the clothing I'm seeing as repeats on other people on certain days lately, or my purse or jewelry, are things which were stolen from me from 2001-on, which was the time of my meeting the monks and then the litigation and meeting Christa. I can think of a few things disappearing before this time, but very, very, few. I had a coat stolen, totally normal, and then I remember wondering where my yearbooks and some of my professional photos had gone. There were a few things which disappeared from my parents house after I had moved out but it was, even then, later, and then I would ask, "What happened to those photos?" Umm, I had a few necklaces which were special to me stolen as well, maybe while I was still in high school.
But the massive exodus of my belongings began 2000 or so. All of the theft seemed normal, like it could happen to anyone, until about 2000. Then, I had almost everything I ever owned, stolen, bit by bit. I am reminded of this because in the last few days I've seen shirts on news channels that were just like ones I used to have and they were fairly unique. I saw one just the same. Then I had some lady flash her purse in my way and just keep it out and it was the same tapestry purse I once had but she did it deliberately.
I really need to make an inventory of all the things that have been stolen that I can think of. Some things were probably trashed, but other things, I could put up and some people would probably recognize what I'm talking about.
I have come to realize a ton of people are reading my blog. There are more than a few who end up sharing the news with everyone else. It might be coincidence, possibly. But when I write a post about "Prince Harry & The St. Bernard" it seems strange when I go to a mock PETA site and there's a brand new article called "Nazi Child & The St. Bernard." I know he's anot a nazi but it is sort of like, I don't know, weird. I mean, where did they get that idea?
I feel like I've been the brainstormer and inspiration for a few things out there that I might not be getting credit for. Maybe that's the point. Keep me down and nuts so I can't make my own money off of my ideas and others can continue to steal from me. I know that's not the whole thing, but it's certaintly part of it.
If my son is with me, everything will be fine. But I have already seen how I am treated when I just go along or even try to agree and have to fight for myself for "services" I don't even need. I will not agree with any psychiatrist who tries to say there is something wrong with me, any major disorder or something that needs medication.
I think some think if I am on a medication, maybe I won't blog.
There is no "Blog Cessation" medication.
It is not a small thing to push oneself outside of the social boundaries to be free. I think some people might have this idea that it came naturally, or that I just lost it one day. That's not what happened. What happened, was that initially, yes, I became tired of being a total doormat. However, when I thought about making a conscious choice, to stand up for myself, others can relate to this. I may have done, and be doing, something unusual, but it's not like the desire is not there, in others.
I was going to say it's mainly women, who break out of proscribed roles, to be the person they want to be and sometimes lose their husband in the process. Or women who are sweet and socially in conformity who then desire to break free. Some women do this after menopause, especially, sad to say, if the man is already gone to begin with chasing after something else. So sometimes it's the idea of staying in ones station to remain attractive in social eyes. If someone breaks out of the expected role, they are called nuts or it's imagined that when they began to take charge of their own lives, they became obnoxious or flipped a lid. But then I was thinking, it's not just women. Men do this too. Otherwise, what would the appeal of movies like "Jerry McGuire" be? That is about a man who refuses to go along and takes a free fall into the unknown, to do something different. There are also stories about the underdog, in men, throughout history, where just a few were willing to do what the majority could not or would not do.
If anyone cares to remember, I was called mentally ill just for having migraines! I never talked about "images" or moods or energy. Never. But I had people who wanted me to be mentally ill so badly, they wanted to claim I was delusional for saying I had migraine. Then, it was that I was mentally ill for daring to step outside of the usual role of a woman, or for protesting while seated, or for speaking up about something. I was called crazy just for being more of an activist than I'd been in the past, and there was zero "crazy behavior" accompanying it.
It was garbage. The claims were all garbage and there was nothing to hang a hat on so people invented things about me.
NOW, I have brought up energy and vibes and images so some who have given up on calling me delusional or psychotic want to say I'm bipolar when I'm not.
There's a perfect mental illness to punish any form of socially "undesired" behavior. It may not even be there is something wrong with the behavior but that this uncompromising and unconventional attitude feels very threatening to some.
If someone wants to discredit a claim of poisoning, "psychotic" might be perfect. lol. If someone wants to discredit someone with just anything and whatever might be easiest to tack on, bipolar might be an idea esp. when someone is talking about vibes and moods they pick up from others.
I may not be typical, but for every unconventional thing I do, there is a solid reason behind it and it has nothing to do with a chemical disorder or a personality disorder. My personality is fine, says 2 different MMPIs. Oh, and so-says Eharmony too. I did their screening and passed through fine when some are not allowed on for very insignificant things, and I was honest when I filled it out too. If I was going to meet people I might be matched too, I wanted to know what kind of people that would be so I answered honestly. I've done the same with MMPI and there was no "defensive" posture. I am still puzzled about why this psychologist said that. I wasn't defensive at all and checked the box for a lot of questions about anxiety. But it still came out normal.
It's when I read what these state workers have written, that I sound nuts. I don't want to blame Michelle Erickson for everything, but she is admitting to writing these things. It's bad that the supervisors don't do their job and check for errors. But still, there are flagrant lies throughout. Also, I noticed on Michelle's facebook page, that most of her pages are nods to various groups I was involved with in the past, or persons who feel offended. I saw some of her friends and recognized some of them as having approached me even. But, okay, for example...One of the pages she listed was "The Jersey Shore". Has she ever been? I don't think so. There is just a whole lot. It looked like, in her photo, she was wearing a necklace like one I once received from a family I worked for too, which I thought was strange. I could go through her whole list and they all stand out.
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