NFTN 14: To Be Seen and Not Heard in America

In New Jersey, at least in the elite circles, product name brands should speak louder than the "help". It was a summer, in 1993, of new things which were hotly promoted, like "Snapple" (the East Coast tea version of the West Coast coffee craze), Tevas, wooden clogs, Calvin Klein, La Petite (children's clothing from France), and I've no idea what spirits were preferred as I did not drink and didn't care. The Thebault's dined on swordfish and clams, without fear of mercury contamination, and every kid had a "boogie-board". One must, of course, have the requisite sailboat if you are "anyone" at all. Roll out the mast at least once. And "Tommy, The Incredible Pinball Wizard (or whatever it was called)" was must-see Broadway fare. Vanity Fair was de rigeur for the coffetable. The labels and name brands spoke loudly. The Mercedes, and Lexus, and Volvos. The househelp, on the other hand, were not to utter a word, not to eachother, and especially, not to the guests.

I made the great mistake, at 18 years of age, of speaking to members of the Thebault's extended family who were also my age or younger, who were at Shore to visit. They were in the water, and the kids were playing near their cousins. I believe Christian (maybe a Beau?) was one and there was a girl too. They were talking about having just seen "Tommy" and raving. The kids, Philip, wanted to play near his cousins and was taking turns with them, and I guess I was supposed to just stand there and "spot" and not speak to anyone, even if they were right in front of me. I didn't know this, and inquired earnestly about the musical, as I've an interest in music. These cousins were among the rudest individuals I've had the misfortune to meet. It is very interesting, because among many who come from "Old Money" there is a certain code of conduct that CAN even include civility and good manners. Later in life, I did meet a few who were from families with money, but who at least made an attempt to be polite and who valued equality (in their own, well, still biased, endearing way). But these kids gave me short answers and looked at eachother rolling their eyes, and also flat-out ignored what I said, as if I wasn't there at all.

Lisa Thebault took me aside and told me she realized I was "young" and that I wanted to be social, but that I could not speak to the cousins and my job was to watch the kids, mute.

You see problems in the world, and in the U.S., and hear about corporate greed and the increasing divide between the rich and poor and loss of middle class; you see the rights of others trampled in favor of business, and witness measures in legislation that are shot down when it would help those who are disadvantaged, and see the massive amounts of corporate welfare dispensed by the government...And then you meet people like this and understand where it starts. It starts young. And I would wager, once these kids are out of their teens, there is no hope for a conversion or change of philosophy. They believe they are the center, and that people who work for them are absolutely inferior in every way, and should not be given ground to establish any kind of equality which might threaten their status or class. Class-climbing and social standing has no value where there is equality and the upper class have a great fear of any shift in their position. If their workers are not kept down, they cannot stay up--they are forced to stand on equal and level ground. When you work for the rich on the East Coast (which I believe is vastly different from West Coast "rich") you gain an understanding of the proletariat.

Capitalism thus far has been a sucessful experiment for the U.S. At first, it gave everyone a chance. Most people were starting out with the same deck of cards. That is no longer true.

Unfortunately, while the poor are pressured to use birth control and limit the children they have to two, the rich continue to breed families of six (four kids) and spread these kinds of attitudes to their children at an early age. It is also social and financial insurance, for the rich to have more children. Money begats money, begats children begats money. If one kid isn't a financial success, or mismanages the family funds, or is unable to secure a better social position through career, or marriage, there are at least 3 others to depend upon. Not to mention, 3 possibilities, if the right schools and colleges are selected, to find mates who will increase the family's net worth.

Lisa Thebault wanted Brian to go into politics. That's another excellent way to insure your assets...Be a part of the decision-making process that determines what laws and loopholes will work for the rich. Brian already WAS in politics and made contributions to the Republican party and had political friends. Lisa was oblivious to the costs of going into politics. Brian knew what it would mean--Nannygate and audits, and who knows what else. I can see where Lisa liked the idea of being the wife of a politician. She was a social climber from the start. She married into money, and if Brian got into politics, potentially, prestige and a new kind of honor that doesn't come with being the wife of a business owner would be hers: Fame.

Lisa used to have these outfits sent to the house, for her kids, which Christie liked and Philip hated. Philip wanted to wear comic T-shirts, not boring polo shirts. He was not given a choice. When Philip would play with the son of one of her servants, she fretted openly to me, saying this little boy was really not a proper companion but that Philip didn't have anyone else to play with at the house. She worried Philip would pick up bad manners or language from the kid, simply because his parents were poor and lower class. There was no evidence this little boy had either bad manners or inferior speech. It was simple class discrimination. The Prince and the Pauper would run around the house, having great fun, and it was tolerated. But there would be a day when he would no longer want to play with an "inferior". At that time, Philip wanted to ride the bus like this other little boy did. Lisa drove him to his private school.

When Lisa spent any time with the kids, she would dress them up, and then take them out for lunch. It was the only time, back at the house, that she spent time with them, and it seemed to be that she enjoyed showing them off to the public. They were sort of dolls to her. I asked her once if she thought she'd have more kids and she said, "I've always liked the number 4. I don't know, I like even numbers."

There is even more to be said, which I will continue to write, but my entrepreneurial inclinations were greatly affected by my experience with the Thebault's. It put such a bad taste in my mouth, to witness the attitudes of those with money, that I sought to distance myself from it.

I would find it fascinating to know whether there are any children from families like these, who were able to penetrate the superficiality, who were also penetrated themselves...where the self-protective shield of class, that "thick skin", was found to have a tiny flaw--a birthmark of compassion. I wonder if any child so raised, turned their back on the establishment, and what the consequences were. If anyone did, was it a quiet and personal decision, or did they speak up? More commonly, it seems, in a tragic reversal, the very child who is instructed to demean others and repress the voice of the "lower-class", is also repressed and silenced.

It is also perfectly acceptable, and therefore encouraged, in our country at large, to discriminate against class, even in employment and throughout the justice system. There is no law against it. One may not discriminate against race or disability or a variety of other things, but it is okay to discriminate against an individual or group because of class. Being upper-class is something even the government is concerned about. We are the center, we are number 1, we are the rich, we are the powerful. In the world of countries, we are upper-class. We are not "third world" or "second world", but are on top. And yet the internal tensions within the U.S. will continue to increase as the rich get richer and poor get poorer, putting the country at great risk of instability, corruption, and weakening of the internal structure.

A piece of cloth just came to mind. I see a square piece of cloth, with an enforced border. The border is strong,and thick, and made with the best material and higher thread count. But it is very, very, thin and only a border that surrounds the rest of the cloth. In the middle, it is poor material--fewer thread counts, and fragile, weak. What good is a border, if someone can punch a hole through the middle of the cloth, or make several tears, ruining the piece altogether? An American flag has now come to mind.

I certaintly didn't intend to make this a political tangent. I started writing a regular NFTN and then continued to write my thoughts as they came. You can't cut and paste on this blogger thing so I can't remove the "ideas" and my philosophies from the storytelling part of my experiences, otherwise, I would do so in an edit and will keep NFTNs free from extraneous ramblings, so they remain pure stories and accounts in and of themselves.