Politics of Removing My Blog

This is getting interesting.

I researched different blog hosts and thought Google sounded like the most supportive of free speech. I researched the law to make sure I would not get into trouble for what I wrote and that I was within legal boundaries. And then I made sure to tell the truth, without exaggeration. Exaggeration is as good as lying, in my opinion.

From what I can tell, my blog was removed from public search on Sept. 4, 2007. At least some kind of robot that does searches quit on that day. But...need to check something quickly...Okay, yes, and I think the last time I checked to see if I was in the public search engines was after making my post of Sept. 2, 2007.

I kept writing, not knowing it wasn't showing up. Right after I wrote the post about Profiling Hispanics and Poverty, it was either that day or a couple days later, I was pulling out of my driveway and saw a guy parked across the street from me, just waiting. He made eye contact with me and I was surprised that it looked like, but can't confirm for certain, Raul Bujanda, an FBI employee who sexually assaulted me one evening, along with his "boss" Armando Garza, when they were claiming they were recruiting me to be a part of their operations in infiltrating the Mexican Mafia. The matter went to D.C. and two S.S.A.'s came out to interview me. Later, I found out what had happened was a crime, not just "internal misconduct". It went to the police.

Now, some things are adding up, possibly, in my mind. The man waiting for me to drive to the edge of my property, had been parked there, waiting. He gave me a look of scorn and then drove off. He had longer hair I think, a beard, and a baseball hat on. It looked like him but last I saw him he had short hair and no beard.

If Dr. Butler, whom I refered to in my post Sept. 4, 2007, is working with the FBI and police on catching "Mexican mafia" over here, perhaps they didn't like that post, where I repeat what Dr. Butler told me and revealed he had to be working with law enforcement. I had had other odd experiences with Dr. Butler that I now believe are political. I wondered, even when I was first connected to him, if he had anything to do with the FBI. He is the medical director of a clinic that receives federal funding, primarily, and asks their mainly Hispanic clients questions about gun ownership and they track prescription drugs and immigration matters with law enforcement. This clinic is potentially a way of gaining information on who the "illegals" are in the country. Dr. Butler made me his own patient, I didn't select him. He wanted to be in charge of my care after I arrived in the town from Oregon, where I had been sexually assaulted by the FBI guys. He started writing odd things into my medical charts from the beginning, which is why I began to question whether he was trying to control what my records looked like. He started adding a mental health diagnosis that I never saw a professional for, for evaluation. He tried to discredit my diagnosis of ------------omission------- which would certainly give the FBI a defense and discredit me in the future if a lawsuit arose. . ------ is an excellent defense to abuse, especially sexual abuse, by men. Then it's no longer simply "he said-she said" and "she was mad he didn't want her" to very serious extremes. Propoganda is just about the same thing as falsifying medical records for political advantage.

Dr. Butler also was in charge and viewing my counseling records at another clinic and never told me his clinic was connected to that clinic. He had full access. I thought it odd, later, that when I reviewed my counselor's notes, she had recorded my reported distress by certain individuals with a church, but although I repeatedly talked about the FBI incident, she made no mention of it whatever and would often try to steer me from speaking about it.

Raul Bujanda worked out of offices in Oregon, and also Washington. He was familiar with my town, Wenatchee, and worked with police on joint taskforces in both states.

I was writing about a lot of things. But I'd like to know who persuaded Google to remove my blog from public search. I'm wondering if it involved Dr. Butler and any member of law enforcement, or if the others I worked for as a nanny and personal assistant were also jointly, or singularly involved.

The decision that came down on Sept. 12, which I found out about on Sept. 14th, was a decision that had been purposefully delayed to prevent me from filng a civil lawsuit against the FBI within the statute of limitations. It had nothing to do with local events--it involved the FBI and police. It's politics.

From the start, people were covering things up. The police tried to discourage me from making my report and the detective tried to convince me to omit certain facts of the incident which would bring what happened down from Sex Abuse III (which is a felony and anyone convicted must register as a sex offender) to a misdemeanor. The detective shuffled me back and forth between the FBI and his office and stalled. They knew about the ticking clock. I had told the FBI I would file a lawsuit, or had grounds to do so.

At the right time, I was going to describe everything that happened. The entire incident. And how the FBI and police responded. Most recently, I called San Fransisco DOJ OIG, on Sept. 14, 2007, and the agent I got told me my case in the beginning had been discussed by DOJ and FBI and that he'd add my new info to his database. He wanted the name of the detective. But when I told him I wanted to submit MY statement of events, he kept telling me NOT to. WHY would he do that?! He kept telling me he already had a statement from the FBI. I said I had not seen it and therefore could not say whether it was accurate. What he had read to me from the phone sounded so wishy-washy and downplayed I didn't trust whatever the DOJ had. But he told me not to give him a statement. This is not a good sign.

Now that my blog is down, after I've had friends find me through my blog and have written in to say how relieved they are that I'm still me and normal, and not anything like the Willamette Week article they read, someone took it down.

I had someone write in a post to me: Will Wagler. What he wrote showed my blog was already serving one of it's main purposes, to show me in my own words as I really am, in defense and to counter the things that have been said about me and written about me.

Someone knew that my having a blog was power. It gave me my voice back. And when they saw it was working, evidenced by comments to me from an old friend who said he'd seen the Willamette Week article and thought it was "interesting" in contrast to my blog. So someone made sure to take my voice away and contacted Google to do it.

I am now again at the mercy of what others presume and believe, that is written about me by others online. I am not given a way to defend myself in my own words by telling my story. Which, if it sticks, makes this a shitty country afterall, and Google a disappointment.

Today I looked up the Wiki article about Google and I read the section about censorship. I was discouraged at some of Google's past actions after reading this. I found some links that support free speech on the internet, and some legal contacts as well, who support free speech through non-profits. Some of them ask a person to write of their accounts and they make an archive of companies that have taken action against free speech. I did not even have contact from Google or receive a cease-and-desist letter. So I will have to be the one to write first and request an explanation as to their action. Possibly, I may ask for records under FOIA. I'm not screwing around with this because this is the only way I can defend MY LIFE.

If I'm prohibited from telling my story, I continue to allow people to believe lies about me, and end up harassed and the talk of the town, because people don't have anything else to go by. The slander about me is so bad, I don't even get a chance to make a first impression or to let someone see what I'm like in a friendship. I'm just avoided like the plague, from the start, and even by those who are so "accepting" etc.

In the meantime, I'm looking for a new blog host, and would be willing to give my story to them and their publishing rights.

If someone from Google heard me out, and met me in person, and heard my entire story and saw me back it UP with some concrete and objective evidence, how could they be against me? "If God is for me, who can be against me?" Unfortunately, plenty of people. In fact, this is a curious contradiction of terms when other scripture states that you can expect persecution for doing the right thing.

I really cannot tell you how many times I've prayed about the truth getting out, in every aspect of my life. But some people think I'm lying, others think I'm mentally ill, and then the ones who know I'm neither mentally ill (deluded at least) or lying, are the ones who have been the worst and covered up their deeds, with full knowledge it would be me who was then shunned.
Don't shun me, shun her.

I don't go to church anymore. There are some good reasons for this. But I wonder at how I can still have faith and hope after all that has happened and the constant struggle it has been to try to free myself from the shit that has been done to me and said. I am still religious, very much so, in my private way. I am honest, and I try not to be a hypocrite. But can I honestly say and believe anymore: "If God is for me, who can be against me?" and can I believe Truth prevails and that right wins, and nice girls don't finish last?

No. I cannot.