NFTN #8: If You Want To Be A Nanny

This is for anyone considering the nanny profession. My tips and look-outs are:

1. Check out the nanny agency. Thoroughly. Most agencies do not receive money from the nanny--they get paid by the employer, and are more interested in that money than your safety or well-being. If the agency checks references and backgrounds of their nannies and does NOT do the same with the prospective family, avoid that agency. An agency that cares about the nannies, in a profession where there is a very high degree of exploitation, will at least interview former employees or nannies of the prospective family. The agency I was with disappeared but a nearby agency, Apple Pie Nannies, said they'd vouch for me if I needed refs because they knew my agency to have a reputation of putting nannies with families that exploited or abused them. When a family I worked for was getting ready to hire their next nanny, they went through Apple Pie, and to their credit, Apple Pie came out to the house, did a home inspection, and then asked to speak to me privately. I was very impressed with their professional approach. Especially if you're young, being away from home and family can be like being in a foreign county. You have to be careful because there are families that will take advantage of your isolation and lack of street-smarts.

2. Ask the family for references and to contact their former employees. Don't depend only on the agency to do it for you.

3. Have a contract, and avoid clauses where it says the contract is subject to change at any time. Make sure the definition of your duties and role is spelled out before you begin work, because once you're in their home or working for them, lines get blurred, and in my experience, every family begins throwing in additional duties or work hours, without including commensurate compensation.

4. Don't think about taking a job where the husband is flirting with you. When I was interviewing for a new position, once, the husband took me aside and basically asked me if I was okay with working for them as not just their nanny, but his personal sex slave. He was talking to me out on the porch and I could see his wife and kid through the glass door in the kitchen. He said I reminded him of an old girlfriend he'd had, and commented on how beautiful I was. He told me his wife was often tired and worked long hours and said he had to know if I would be comfortable with visitations from him. I was shocked, and the guy touched my hair and watched me walk away. There are families like that out there. Be on guard. I told my former agency about it (which set me up with the interview) and she said it was terrible but I don't know if she still hired another nanny for the job.

5. Set personal boundaries and don't be afraid to stick to them. I don't think it works, being an in-house nanny, unless you have separate quarters, such as a guesthouse. The kids get confused about when you're off-duty and think you're always on, and the parents are worse than the kids. Not only that, living in the same house with another woman always presents trouble. If you're attractive in any way, there is possibility of jealousy, and if one doesn't like something you did, they can team up against you and you have no place to escape. Two's company and three's a crowd when it comes to adults sharing living space.

6. Find other nannies and nanny support groups. You'll hear of nannies who love their families and their situation and some have a great relationship. Talking to other nannies helps with connecting to a better agency if yours doesn't seem to work out.

7. File your taxes. You can file your share even if your employer does not. It protects you in the future, and you need that money down the road if you become disabled and have to live off of SSI or something else happens. Personally, I wouldn't take a job where they want to pay under the table. If your employer is going to be dishonest about taxes, there is no reason why they will not also be dishonest with you. Paying taxes shows they are responsible and have respect for the laws, and may also respect you more. If they pay taxes, they are paying into your SS account.

8. Don't badmouth the employer. If they're bad, quit, and then badmouth. Some families ask friends to question you just to see what you'll say when they're not around. Other time, friends of the family will try to get you to reveal personal details or complaints about the family you work for, and then they'll turn around, and, to protect themselves for being nosey and wanting dirt, will tell the employer to get on their side.


It's better to be a live-out nanny than a live-in nanny. Think about it. You're living with your employer. Would you want to live with your employer that you work for at the fast food joint, or the corporate company CEO, or the government job? No. Living with other people that you work for is a psychological test of strength. You can make it work, but only under the appropriate conditions. In my experience, I've heard good stories from nannies who work for single mothers because you become, in a sense, their "partner" in that they rely on you to help manage the house. There's a little more equality and respect. No teaming up or jealousies and fewer mind games. It's also better to work strictly as a nanny, and NOT as the housekeeper as well which is why you need to have roles defined. If you only work as the nanny, you focus entirely on the children, and are not expected to do laundry, clean floors and toilets. In my experience, even the best nanny situation, or employer, starts trying to sneak in extra duties. They want more for their dollar, and once they get to know you, you're a familiar face and they believe they can ask for more. If they want to change your job description, ask them if they are willing to discuss renegotiating your position, redefining your duties, and what the pay raise would be. If they want you to do more work but are not willing to pay you more, they're trying to take advantage of you. It happened ALL THE TIME, with me. If they are willing to pay more and want you to increase responsibilities, then you have a decision to make. Is the money worth it? Do you want the redefined position? or would you rather not? if you decline the position, will your employers be resentful? If they want more than you are prepared to give, start looking for a new job.

9. I always thought it was honorable to give a month notice. I heard some people gave 2 weeks as a standard, but I thought it was hard to find a new nanny so I gave a month to a month and a half. However, it never worked out. If you've been working for the family for years and years, you can probably talk to them about leaving. But if you've been doing the one-year or less stint, do NOT think you can give advance notice and not be harassed. If they don't harass you the entire time, they will kick you out before you can pack, to feel they are in control again. My best advice, which I would give to my son, is, in the nanny position, give them one week's notice, and be prepared to leave the next day if they have a problem with it. Being a live-in nanny is not liking working for a business where you can go home and get away from your employer, after you give your notice. You have to live with these people and it can get nasty. Be partially packed, organized, and ready to go if necessary. --I'm reconsidering what I just wrote...If the family has been good to you, in general, perhaps it would still be okay to give at least 2 weeks notice, but be prepared to go the next day, and don't delay if they begin to mistreat you.

I would be happy to talk to anyone who is considering a nanny position. Next time I write nanny advice, it will be about the kids and how to handle certain situations involving the parents and the kids. It can be a lot of fun and rewarding, but it's also psychologically draining as you constantly work with the parents. Kids are fun, parents can be a pain.