Removal of My Blog From Public Searches

I just found out my blog is no longer in the search engines.

I found out this happened just recently and also found out an interesting piece of information--that the FBI and Portland police as well as the Portland DA made a decision a couple of days ago on Sept. 12th, 2007, that they knew I would write about and didn't want all over the web.

I'm not going to make any posts to this site until I receive an explanation from Blogger as to why my defense to the slander against my name has been removed. Google keeps the defamatory article from Willamette Week up about me, but removed my own statements and reports of incidences.

Everything is political.

I have not once, ever falsely defamed or accused someone of something that was untrue. I have written an honest account of things that have happened.

But it looks like Google is not supportive of free speech and has been manipulated by, most likely, attorneys who told them to pull me from the web, if not the FBI directly.

I know people I've written about have powerful contacts. The Thebault's are major political contributors to the Republican party and the Rabbi works in politics and with the media all the time. I also brought up a construction company that is powerful, and some recent current events that may be offensive to those who wish to hide under a shield.

Any old friend who has tried to contact me or make contact with me, has been reached before I could utter a word, or "hello", and people have been intimidated from association with me because of slander.

The fact that my blog went down, right around the time the FBI and DA decided to make a certain decision on the 12th, is all I need to know.

Should I go to the DOJ about what happened? I don't know that it would do any good. I have been defamed to such degree and then prohibited and prevented from telling my story from start to finish. Others are allowed to slam me but I'm not allowed to have a voice--because it threatens the status quo.

At times like these I am absolutely ashamed to be a citizen of the U.S. as a window opens to reveal the hypocrisy and double-standard held in claiming everyone has equal rights, when actually, I have be afforded none of the same rights and in fact have had them taken from me.

Knowledge is power and speaking up with that knowledge is grounds for being pummeled down.

Until I have further notice that my right to free speech and to defend against defamation and to tell an honest biographical story is respected by Google, I have no interest in making a public blog.

I do know I could still advertize my blog by giving out the address and link at sites which receive a lot of traffic, but I will write in private, and continue my story, and find an eventual publisher. I may begin to write again here, but I have some research to do first, and some letters to write.

My son, seeing me burst into tears, stood there confused. He rarely sees me cry. I got off the phone a half hour ago with proof that politics always come before truth. or Justice.

Here, I was writing about my current events and for my son. But I was also recounting the past, and I was honest in retelling events that occured. I began with the day I left from my parent's house, and flew to Bedminster, NJ. I was 18 years old. I wanted to tell my story, from the time I was 18 through 24 which was a specific and generally pleasant if enlightening time of my life. I was young, had many friends, and all was well. After a certain incidence, which I wanted to describe, everything fell apart. Wolves came out in sheep's clothing and it was the first time I actually stood up for myself and challenged the politics instead of encouraging harmful behavior with my silence, partially out of fear for self-preservation. When I stood up for myself, for the first time, I stood up against a very powerful organization that quickly involved lawyers to cut me down to bite-sized pieces. They used the media, the police who went to their church, lawyers, and counselors. All along, they knew who was telling the truth. They made a point of contacting friends and family and trying to distance them from me, by telling lies. I honestly never recovered from the shock.

I had seen some misconduct before, but never so eggregious and personally directed towards me. My background had always been to be sweet, submissive, and go along with it and pray for the people. I was shocked to find some people are fueled by hate and that they hated me for telling the truth about a serious matter that did not just affect me.

I had never had personal trauma prior to this event that touched my soul and tore at it. Everything that came after this effect was to destroy me and discredit me--to malign my character so that no one would ever believe me. I had close friends whom I'd known for 15 years stopped calling me. I had not changed or done anything different with my friends--it was that my reputation had been crushed. I didn't change. I just spoke up. That was it.

And that was the big crime for which I was and am endlessly punished.

Still.

Everyone deserves a chance but me. Everyone deserves to have privacy except me. Everyone deserves respect and to have a voice but me. It is okay for others to malign me and yet it is not okay if, in telling the truth, which shows who I really am, others happen to be maligned because of their own actions. There are natural consequences to crime, immorality, and unlawfulness. Then there are the punishments others impose upon someone for telling the truth, which are not natural. It has so far been acceptable for me to be slandered and harassed and to have defamatory articles about me online, which are NOT TRUE, but it has not been okay for me to try to correct the false statements because it then impugnes the right person for once.