On Being A Mistress

I guess it's weird to sandwich these current posts with my true life posts, which tell the true story of my past. It's weird, because how I was then, and what I knew and believed, has changed a little bit. I certaintly never would have been writing about the things I write about now. But I've been thinking...

That last mistress proposal (which I didn't take) wasn't the first. I thought back and I've had the offer before, but not as direct. One guy essentially asked me the same thing years ago, and another (with means) didn't mention anything long-term, but wanted a spring "hiatus" and hotel room flings and other stuff. I think that may have been different, but he was already attached.

I'm working very hard, and under extremely complicated circumstances. I need money for getting my son back. This is my primary objective. There are P.I. firms who want to help, but I can't even find dependable faxes, computer access, transportation (need a car where I live), and other things.

I'm a monogomous type. I have no desire to do anything in public, or find different men. But, I am seriously considering a partnership of sorts with someone who has a lot of money. Which is odd, because I've never been about money. But it doesn't mean I want to be married to the person, or anything like that. I'm looking at my chances of paying for a private attorney, getting some decent clothing and a better job through having a car, and some basics. I don't really have a lot of time to do this.

It is legal to be a mistress. And if I found the right offer, from someone I had some attraction to, who was generous, who respected my independence and if we could find an arrangment that was discreet...And, I'm not into certain things. I may be fun and adventurous, but there are a couple things that are automatic "no's". The other guy who made the offer--I don't think I was interested enough, and I am probably looking for someone who is able to provide more than he proposed. Am I going to troll beaches of Semiamoo? No. Would the arrangment continue after I had my son back? No, probably not. I would continue to work too, and look for better employment.

I would agree not to write about it. I don't write about most of my personal life anyway. I mean, I've never written about work, or people I work with, and never will. At least not until years have gone by. I don't usually write about people I date or hang out with either.

I don't know. Maybe I'll never be able to go there. If I'm still riding my bike for months or wearing the same clothes, and still relying on a PD that I can't even get ahold of and have been trying to reach for over 2 weeks, everyone will know I've not gone that direction. Then again, I could always just pocket gifts and save, and still keep a good cover.

I think I need a whole spa treatment and some shopping at Nordstrom though. Which, of course, would only make me more attractive anyway, so that sort of works for the other party. I wouldn't consider such a thing for myself, for anything I want--but what would I do for my son? I am considering what I would do to maximize the potential of getting him back ASAP, so I am able to advocate for his needs, and this is dragging on and is traumatizing to my son. I wouldn't bring this matter up with someone who wanted an arrangment, but this is where I would be applying the "gifts". I have one objective, period.

I am well-read and a good conversationalist to boot. Too bad I'm not in D.C.

Does considering this make me a "bad mother"? No. It makes me a highly proactive and determined mother who is weighing all of the options.