TTSOML #42: My Contemplation Before The Protest

My car was being vandalized, I was being threatened and followed, provoked and given the runaround, and THEN I find out, on top of it all, I was under "investigation" and surveillance by police, at the Mt. Angel Abbey's bidding.

After I found this out, after repeatedly being told not to tell anyone, and to be quiet, I contemplated protesting. I guess I thought about Rosa Parks.

I also thought how it would make me "look". Maybe like a lunatic. My whole life, I'd been a conformist who was secretly a radical on the inside. I DID want to have kids and be married to someone nice and have a normal life, but I wanted to fight for myself and good causes as well, and that's not always popular.

I thought, if I protest by myself, I will look like a nut. Then again, I'd be getting word out and taking a stand, and showing the monks they shouldn't be trying to intimidate me. I didn't think their bad behavior should be rewarded with my silence.

My family was of no help, being the "forgive and forget" type who knew I was being railroaded but who thought I should just give up the ghost, lay low (in a shallow grave I guess), and "don't make them mad". They were already "mad", in more than one way. I was tired of this "justice is for the next life--the afterlife" mentality. THAT mentality was exactly what allowed them to get away with their crap for hundreds of years, and not just them, but other wrongdoers.

But I did consider myself. I didn't get angry one day and run up to the Abbey and started protesting and causing havoc. I went home, and put a lot of thought into the pros and cons. Pro--it was the right thing to do, and would not just benefit me but possibly others. Con--I was never going to be married because I would be a societal liability or embarrassment. Most men do not like radicals, or maybe, my entire life, I had simply not met the right kind of man for me. At any rate, based on what I knew of the species, I was committing myself to voluntary spinsterdom if I should dare make a peep, sign in hand.

I feel I made the right choice and if I could do it over, I would make the exact same decision. I decided to protest. I decided to make signs "Stop the Abuse!" and "I Was Abused By _______" to directly reject their threats and coercion. I also decided I would sit in a chair and put the signs in the ground and not hold them, because I didn't want to walk around pumping a sign up and down, which, I felt, looked crazier. I was also in college at the time so I figured I could ask the police where to legally protest on public grounds, put the signs in the ground, and then read for my classes while I sat in the chair. I could both study for my classes and make a stand. Two birds with one stone.

I planned to protest just one day. All I wanted to do, at that point, was make a point ("Don't you dare try to shut ME/US up!"). I thought I would face a lot of angry people, and maybe even eggs.

The day I drove up with my signs, I was so nervous, my legs were shaking as I drove. I was still a prayer person, and I prayed the whole way up, that what I was going to do would make a difference for someone besides myself.

Instead of being egged, I was shocked at the support which followed, by everyone except some Abbey clergy and the police. The Willamette Week made it sound as though I was on Abbey grounds, acting like a public nuisance. I never protested on Abbey grounds. I did it in the town, outside of Abbey property, and I had so many people come up to thank me for what I was doing, and telling me what their own personal story was, of abuse, that I decided I had to do it more than one day. The Abbey didn't want anyone to follow in my shoes and get any "ideas" I guess, so they had the Willamette Week write an article which disparaged my character and used a caustionary tale to scare off anyone else from following suit. The Abbey also immediately contacted an officer who worked for Mt. Angel police AND went to their church, and on that first day, told him to give me a citation while I was in the middle of my peaceful protest.

Details next.