Rest, Peace, Prayer & Reading Between The Lines

I was feeling like someone had died, yesterday or the day before. I wouldn't know who, but something was so tense and then there was an absolute void of vibe, good or bad. Just this blank feeling. I didn't know what to make of it and still don't. I really feel like someone died though.

I did a lot of praying the last couple of days. I'll just write about what I prayed for and the names that came to mind, some which I'm not even familiar with.

There were a few more symbolic things directed to me, two days ago, but last night was peaceful and today as well. No harm, no heart palpitations, and just peace. Mainly books about a Pennsylvania Dutch couple and one of the books was turned upside down. I guess upside down is usually bad, but who knows.

I prayed with an older woman and the whole time I just didn't "feel" anything at all. Which doesn't mean anything. One can pray and never have any sort of "feeling" that goes along with it. The only time I began to "feel" something was slightly, when I began praying for international relations, this country, and the economic situation for everyone.

I prayed specifically that during this down time with the economy worldwide, that all the countries would work together to find solutions, and not against eachother. I prayed for peace between the nations, and for cooperation, and for the countries to be able to hear even the smallest of voices.

I felt exhausted yesterday and today. I was really tense about who knows what and had these contrasting signals, and then I just felt something lift but I was a little concerned because there was zero vibe then. I don't know what it means, if anything.

But I'll write down all these names that have come to mind, which I've lifted up to God, not knowing who it is or what they need exactly.

I wish I had the list from several days ago, when Joanna was at the top, but I did write those names down so I could pray for them again. There were 10 names: Joanna, Emily, Esther, Michael, Paul, J.P., Frank, Abe, Elianna, and one more which I can't remember right now. Now I remember. It was Margaret. And for some reason, it was Princess Margaret from England that was in mind. I've no idea why.

I then had names come to mind which included, two nights ago: Sarah, Mike, Esmerelda, Oscar, Trisha (I don't know any trishas), any Chris's, Alvaro, Angela or angels, and there were a few others but I can't remember.

This afternoon or early evening I prayed for: Angelina, Sarah (I knew who I had in mind here) and then a Christina.

Dennis as well. Janis. And Paul L.

Some names are for friends and others are not, but I pray anyway. God cares about all of them and they're all important.

The night of the void, or the rest, one strange thing happened.

I fell sound asleep and was absolutely out and sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up, feeling like someone's eyes were on me. I turned over and looked and directly in front of me, outside, was this extremely bright star but it wasn't a star, it was some kind of satellite. I watched it for about 10 minutes and then it just disappeared.

I didn't just wake up to nothing. It was like I was specifically awakened, somehow, out of sound sleep, to turn and see this. I don't know how to explain it. But it wasn't obscured by clouds or anything--it was fully there and then it wasn't. But I saw it and I watched and stared at it as long as it was visible and then it was gone. I know it was a satellite, it was too big to big a star, and stars don't fade or disappear, but by every appearance, it was still a star. It was a star and I woke up to see it.

What that means, I don't know.

Sometimes I've turned to find friendly eyes on me, and other times, it seems someone not so friendly. Why in the world I would wake to notice a satellite star is beyond me.

Several nights before that, I felt this draw or vibe and I went outside my hotel room and looked up at a point which was dark. There was absolutely nothing there, that I could see, but I kept looking. All of a sudden, a light came on and got brighter and then it was a small plane, like a private plane, taking off from the very point I first fixed my eyes on. I had no way of knowing anything was up there but then I saw it being revealed.

So that was sort of strange too. But it happened. We all heard the plane, and saw it, but I knew something was there before there was a light.

I also had the idea of "bumbleshoot" come to mind a couple days ago and I thought, what in the world is that.

I haven't had anymore visions or images or anything. Nothing coming to mind out of the blue at least.

I did have this whole idea come to my mind, about love and people of different countries, and who we may think is our enemy or not. I thought about how true love, isn't bound by nationality or country or religion, or creed, or anything. How God really loves people, no matter what their politics are.

I want to pray for my country more, but I also feel God's heart is for everyone, big or small, from every country and that no one is better than anyone else. Although I am a patriot and I have this vibe now, this positive strong energy that I think is from simple contemplation, I just believe in pure love. Not just romantic love, but in pure even agape love.

Sometimes someone is so out of control and killing or cruelly harming so many people, it may be necessary to protect the innocent and I believe in that. But I also wish for there to be conversions of heart with people, dictators, between the nations, and even here in Wenatchee. Of course I include myself.

Of course, when it comes to names and images, even my talk about Princess Margaret, and even my talk about satellites, planes, and stars, and books upside down, it could be that this is all fiction, as I've said before. The people who know me, and who it's intended for, know how to read between the lines and can discern. They know that I am a creative writer and that I enjoy combining different elements of fact and fiction to form a whole.

One thing I'll attest to as absolutely true--I prayed for our world's peace and economy and for the smallest voices to be heard.

I want to be a part of peace and I don't want to be someone to take sides except as it concerns my life and my son. I feel self-defense is justified, against cruelty, regardless of who one is. I would like to keep praying though, for peace for all people. I also know I'm supposed to be single right now and to devote myself to prayer and my own life and my son's life. If I am supposed to be with someone, this will be shown to me later and if not, I'll be single.

If everyone took every single thing I wrote literally or at face value, it would be a little bit nuts, but I have said, more than once, that I write creatively and this is a personal blog which shouldn't be taken seriously by the majority. Those who really know me, and who know who I write for, know what they need to know, and I love you and you're always in my thoughts.

Additionally, I prayed for any images I write about, to be taken as poetics and nothing more, or if it reaches someone and touches them, for them to know God cares.

On a very real note, I am making dinner for about 24 people and was going to do a fulll Italian meal but we're missing some of the ingredients. I was going to make lasanga with bread, salad, and I wanted to have wine-poached fruits but there is no wine allowed. And then I found out we've no lasanga noodles, ground beef, or mozarella, or ricotta cheese (though someone said one can substitute cottage cheese, I really wanted ricotta).

I decided to make dinners based on different cuisines from around the world. So one time I'll make all Italian, the next French, Ethiopian (if I can find that spongey bread), Chinese, etc. Today I was thinking about leeks! But I don't know which culture uses a lot of leeks. I want to do Indian too, and Middle Eastern. I think I've cooked from every culture before, in the past, except for Thai or a few other smaller Asian countries. Like Malay--I've no idea. But I'm going to go for full authenticity regardless of which country's cuisine I'm going with. American cuisine too. I also might try German and perhaps Russian and there was one other I wanted to try...Other women know how to make Latin American stuff so they've got that covered.

Thank you to those who have worked to protect me and my son. Thank you and you all know who you are. Thank you too, for those protecting others I love. I keep you in my thoughts and I'm glad you know me, even if vicariously, and that you believe in me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you on my knees, for what you've done and are doing. From my heart, from the depths of my heart and I don't even have any way to help or repay you or even know all the details, but I am indebted to you with a debt I could never repay. I hope someday I will be able to do something very good, in some way, to alleviate the burden and repay the good and the sacrifices. I know that there is nothing I could do or think of to do, to make it even worth it, but thank you everyone who has heard some of the smallest voices. Please forgive me for making my mistakes and not knowing who to trust and please forgive me for all of my failures. Forgive me for causing grief and sadness and not knowing what to do all the time. God bless you and I pray God will cause every single person to prosper in every way, and to be blessed with happiness as well, and peace, for all you have done and do. For anyone who cannot forgive themselves, I forgive you and God forgives you and that is all that matters. You have to forgive yourself too, and not blame yourself. Forgiveness is a gift and it's free. Please forgive me and forgive yourselves, if any of you feel you made mistakes, it is okay. As for me, don't be sad for me but stay lifted up and strong and know that I love all of you very, very, much and I know I have no idea how much has been done and how I can ever repay you. Thank you again. My son and I thank you and everything is going to be fine, no matter what. I know good can come from difficult situations. I know it's true. I am not worried. I am only indebted and I love all of you very much. Love conquers all. I consider your children to be my children and you are all in my heart, all of you who, some, I didn't even trust because I was afraid or didn't know who to turn to. I am going on and on but thank you. Please help me to know what to do to pull a ruby from a tree. To find the jewel in the dirt and to make it shine. I know there is a love story in my life, that involves a lot of people, and one day I hope to know all. I adore you. I have a family that extends beyond my own family and one that has believed in me even more. Love conquers all. Everything. If I can do anything to repay you, I know I will never be able to sufficiently. I have been wrong about a lot of things. God bless your families.

I have a very sad vibe right now. It's 8:23 P.M., PST.