Whole World Out Of Control

I don't understand the world. I don't understand my own life, actually. I don't. I am doing what I can but I don't understand things.

All I know, is that I've been designated to be some kind of big deal, and I don't know why. Big deal, not as in, I'm so special, but I don't know why I'm getting so much attention. SO much international, even, attention.

It's not like I'm doing well right now. But it doesn't matter. Whether I'm doing well or not, there is attention and I don't know what it's about.

Then, I notice odd symbolic things done by even newspapers and wonder why the mockery and why I am something anyone is interested in at all. Yesterday, in the Seattle Post-Intelliger, I believe that was the paper if not the Seattle Times, there was a front page spread of a spiderweb and then on the inside, a photo of a romeo and juliet scene where it was just a mockery of...It was a photo of a ballet.

It used to be that romeo and juliet stuff was ascribed to my ex and suddenly, I looked at this and there was no mistake. The guy is resting his head on her chest and it's just...bizarre.

I don't know why points are being made about me in any way.

I think I need some good Italian food today. I met a couple of guys from Italy, and had some real Italian food and it was delicious. It was SO good. It was spagetti with a real tomato sauce and clams and prawns. Very, very, good and spicy too.

Anyway, I AM going to quit blogging, but you know what? What would REALLY help is having someone offer me some WORK! I mean, what do you expect? I walk all day long and look for work all day and nothing, for 4 months or more? I've applied for everything.

SO I'm not giving up and I'm still looking, even today, but I need to jump in and actually get hired doing something.

To think, I thought Prince Henry and William, one of them, might have a thing for me. I couldn't figure out where in the world all this interest generated from. I still don't get it.

I'm nobody important, and I have people watching me right and left, and some really tryign to keep me down, and what for, I've no idea. I am trying to live a normal life and would like to have a chance to do this.

Just the basics.

Then, I think I could get back to being funny. Not blogging, and just socializing and being funny. I used to be funny! I had a good sense of humor and wit! I'm too stressed out right now, to even joke around.

I have seen some men crying over me. Dark haired guys in black cars, and italian looking younger men. I don't know, but I've noticed.