I'm still depressed. I am feeling okay but the more I pray and think about things, the more I think I have to let things go again. Just forgive and not go back and try again. Which means I don't need to file any orders or go over things anymore. I got very concerned about things recently again, but I don't want to hash into it. I am trying to just move on with my life so I don't know what I could say that would make it better if others don't choose this too, on their own.
I can't do anything about anything. I can only do something about myself. I am just going to start deleting some posts and then try to go forward.
I got some things wrong too. I just found out the guy who said "thank you" wasn't even a U.S. worker like I thought he was. Well, one said thanks about Mary and something related and then the other one I thought was a U.S. guy because of what he was wearing, but I was wrong. I guess he is just a regular Wenatchee guy because I saw him again and talked to him and, I don't know...I think I was just confused. I don't want to go into details but I'm wrong about things, AND I sure hope no one takes my posts without a grain of salt because if I'm not wrong, sometimes I just write stuff that's fictional or to discern something else and see how somene might react to it. I never write anything to try to provoke anyone though, that's for sure. That's not what I mean, but anyway...
I started thinking about the scripture about how many times to forgive others: 70 X 7. So if God is going to forgive me, I have to keep forgiving. Which doesn't mean being a doormat if something really bad happens, but I again have to go on to forgiveness.
I got worried, too, that maybe something bad happened to someone I knew so I called all the people I'd ever known, to check. I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone else, even if bad things have happened to me. I don't even want bad to come to those who have done these things, in many ways, I care about these people too. Even if it sounds weird, and maybe it's odd, but I don't. I want people to have the same second or third or fourth chances that I have received from some, and to be able to have good lives. I still don't know what things are about, I don't, and I sometimes wish I did, but maybe it's better that I don't. If something horrible happens, things would be looked into, but I am not in a place of mind where I want bad things for anyone. Why someone would even want to play any mind game, I don't know, but I don't want to get into it. I haven't done the same in return, and I would rather try to return good for bad and hope that good will come to everyone, even those who might be "enemies". I have had, in the past, some people who I never got along with and who were "enemies" become close friends and strong allies and we ended up helping eachother. So I'd rather try to practice what Ireland practices.
I already wrote things down and gave it to only a couple of very trusted people, in case anything happened, further harm, to me and my son, so someone wouldn't be in the dark. But the thing is, I have had real concerns, and having people lie about me to have me kicked out doesn't really make me feel I can do this on my own without having to start calling people out, publicly, or to authorities, on what may or may not be going on. So the only time I have ever even brought anything up, is after things have been done to me or my son. If nothing is happening, I have nothing to write about. I don't know why some people would want to continue doing things which just puts out more documentation of individuals. If you say and do nothing, there is nothing for me to think about or write about, and no one is giving themselves away in any form. When people come out and deliberately do things, why in the world would anyone think that is "okay" or "safe" or a good idea? It's putting information out there. So I don't know why anyone would do this, and put themself and those they are connected to, in any kind of jeopardy. It's like, if you don't do anything, and drop things, what is there to figure out? Because with all the things that have happened to me, there are things that have been noticed, if not by ME, by others, and the Wenatchee guy was just a Wenatchee guy, but how do I know for sure? What I know is he had some kind of authority but then I thought, if he's from here, I don't know what he does. I just know I wouldn't do ANYTHING, at all, which would allow others to start monitoring what's going on. It IS true, that someone could be keeping track of things, and following the mind games or it's true that someone in some group got sick to the stomach over it, and reported something to someone and some investigation was already started without my saying one word and not even KNOWING what the deal is.
At any rate, I am just giving it up again, figuring things out, because I am trying, once again, to let things go and move forward. I would REALLY appreciate it if others would just quit obstructing my ability to go forward. I don't see how it does anything good for anyone.
Finally, while I believe in forgiving 70X7, I have noticed people have become bolder, simply because I am NOT saying anything. So I feel what I've said was true and I can leave it at that, and I don't need to go into anything else. But I really do mean it, that if anything CONTINUES to happen to me and/or my son, I don't have any choice but to share everything. So I am asking once again, for those who are involved to quit.
That means no more interference with using my own lap top or computer to overcharge things so that I am physically affected. I don't know how it's done, but that's what has happened, and it means this has to stop altogether. It happened while it was plugged in today. It never happens when I'm taking photos of myself or uploading these things, but it happens when I start writing on my blog. Which probably means it's men doing this because only men would hold off on account of photos of a woman.
However, I had one woman do something recently and I noticed and I didn't say anything, even though she went on to cause other problems for me, deliberately. She knows who she is. That's why I'm saying, why even involve yourself at all, if you could get caught? Just quit.
It also means that other methods of harm to me and my son are also quit. This started happening again today and it's not okay. I am letting it go until everyone has a chance to read this for themselves.
After today, if it happens again, you leave me with no other choice but to try to protect myself and my son by writing about anything I know which involves mind games and any other form of harassment or harm.
I know one thing. The back pain and stomach pain can be caused with someone using the computer, or a computer, to supercharge it somehow so that an abnormal amount of energy is emitted which causes pain and bodily harm. You can even feel the static type of energy radiating off the keyboard and it works overtime and the computer makes a lot more noise.
The same back pain can be similarly caused by some kind of device which is handheld and doesn't require a computer but which has a clicking noise, either when it's repeatedly clicked or something is pressed, or?
I've experienced both in the last couple of months. It is the same thing that happened in E.Wenatchee but something stronger would have been used, most likely, because it was a desktop and at a greater distance. It was plugged in and the same thing happened and I had the seizure type incidences when I was next to or on, the computer. It also was fried when it got really overcharged one time, enough to start running really, really, hard, and then it started smoking in the back, or there was a burning scent of ink and the board blew out, spattering ink across the frame to the box.
We're getting closer to figuring out exactly what was done, because some people want to keep it up and give me time to figure it out I guess. Which is why I would say it's best to quit. Oh, and yeah, it also causes benign fasciculations. Which sometimes continue for awhile because whatever is used or done causes heating of the muscles and then creates the fasciculations. It also causes a burning sensation down the front of the thighs to about mid-thigh which was the same thing.
I don't have any cause, whatsoever, for any kind of pain. When this isn't going on, to where I notice how it affects the sound even of the laptop, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my back, stomach, or anything else. The pain or ache and burning sensation only comes when I am directly being affected by a field of energy which gets put out more powerfully but through the laptop. Otherwise, without the laptop, I suppose something can be used from a distance, but what I've noticed with the handheld thing, is that someone has to keep clicking a button or something or turn it on and then it makes this noise repeatedly. A very faint clicking sound. I imagine nothing special has to be done to the laptop or computer but it may be true that something has been placed inside. If that's not done, I guess it can be done some other way. In these small instances lately, it resolves with a couple of hours, but at our house, if the computer was on the whole time, as it was, or there was something else like two metal poles with the house inbetween, that's probably some other way. But in isolated incidences, it happens while on the computer sometimes and then causes body reactions even afterwards and then resolves in a couple of hours. However, the pain is severe enough in small doses, I can see why I and my son were having so many problems, because if it's constant, it wouldn't allow the body time to recover in any way. It causes the nails to warp even in smaller doses. The grow out is totally different from a healthy nail.
I don't need to figure the rest out, but with time, if it continued, I'm sure I would if others don't already know. Anyway, I don't want to think about it anymore and I'm moving onto other things.
I also thought, about the good vibe (which is not a physical thing) even if someone I knew did die, I still have the motivation to pray and this is what changes me. I thought, hmmm, well, I still have the prayer vibe no matter what I think has happened and no matter what, just regardless of my own depression and circumstances so again it hit home that this about people praying for me and my need to pray and something moving inside of me that tells me to pray. And then I was praying and realized several things.
1. I have to take down some photos and things I've written which aren't becoming of a christian. I started looking at them differently.
2. I have to seriously start going to church on Sundays and will probably seriously look into the sister stuff. However, I have to find out if you can still have your child because I absolutely believe I am the best provider for him and his emotional needs, but I need to get finances in order. I actually saw a door was open the other day when I prayed there at chapel but I felt too intimidated to go in. And then, I've just been caught up with my own stuff. But I started thinking about it today. I was sitting there, picking split ends and that's when I had an image. I was listening to christian music and thinking. I don't know what it means though. I think it just means I'm not supposed to date right now, I mean, go out to dinner, sure, but as friends with people and nothing more, until I figure some things out.
I had an image of a couple of things which were powerful, but I don't know if it was just a mind's eye thing or an actual image.
I had one that well, let me think about it because I don't know if I should totally share or not. ....Update. I've decided not to share for now.
The last one I had at the "Haven", was when I had palpitations again, on the last night, and I saw two different colors. With the first one I saw yellow and then with the second one, a flash of white. And that was it. Nothing else with it. It wasn't what I would call an image per se, though, I think it was just a physical reaction probably to palpitation and it woke me up from my sleep in the middle of the night, so I know it wasn't anxiety. I wasn't worried or thinking about anything. I was asleep and I awoke with this.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment