Talked To Alvaro

I talked to Alvaro last night.

It was fine. We talked about getting back together but now isn't a good time and then I just felt something was really wrong. A heaviness in my heart, and I later thought, it may be that it's just not meant to be. I thought, maybe there is something else going on, or maybe it is just that I am meant to be single for a long time, I don't know. Either that feeling was because for some reason I'm meant to be with him but my spirit knew it wasn't going to happen then, and that something was wrong, or it was because it's just not meant to be and talking about it wasn't right. But then again, he didn't put the idea out, but it doesn't make sense to me. He has work in D.C. and wanted to know how quickly I could be in D.C. with my son but I told him it's still going to take time.

I really had this horrible feeling afterwards. Very heavy and sad. Maybe it had to do with him, but maybe it had to do with something else, I don't know. I felt better after writing an email.

He said he didn't write or call much because he was trying to forget me but that doesn't make sense to me. He said he's not with anyone else, but how would I know? I just felt in my heart, that something wasn't right, and it was really not right, so I know the best thing is to move forward from there. I don't know why I can't put my finger on it. Maybe I'll know in the future or he'll tell me sometime in the future, something which will help me understand why I sensed this energy.

I don't know why it is. Maybe I just sensed he was sad, or it was just my spirit telling me it wasn't the course for our lives. I have no idea.

However, I told him I want to help out if I can because things are difficult for him at the moment, and if I can assist, I will.

I really just have to get work is the thing. After I wrote him an email after we talked, I felt 100X better and will just go from here.

I think the best thing is time, and that whatever is meant to be, will happen.

I did tell him about some of the problems I've been having here and I think he wants to help with that, if he can, but we'll just be in touch I guess.

I told him I was going to a prayer thing at the church and that I had started praying to Mary a little bit. Not a lot, but it was new for me, and that I was interested in the idea of being single possibly but didn't know. I was thinking about getting together again and getting married, but it's not good timing.

I also felt, even as I was bringing the idea up, something made me very heavy and sad or said no. I don't think it had anything to do with him but with me, and that maybe I am supposed to be single. I was pretty weighted down but then I felt peace after I wrote an email indicating I would be friends and if he and his family needed financial assistance, if I were working, I would try to help with that.

Then, I also met this guy from Manhatten. The guy acted like he already knew who I was and kept saying he just loved me. I can't tell you how many times he said he loved me, and that I was seriously funny and cracked him up and I was sweet. I thought he first said Brooklyn but then I remember Manhatten for sure. He brought me up a 3-meat sub, a beer, and 9 matches. Don't ask me why I counted. I just did. Girl can't help it. I guess I'm sort of a math person afterall. lol. Anyway, I used his cell to call Alvaro and then he came up sometime after and handed me these things which was nice. I hadn't had a beer in a really long time. Probably the first time I've had a drink, at all, in two weeks.

We'll see. Who knows what may be possible in the future. There may be something for me and Alvaro, and I will wait and see. I don't know the whole situation so I'm in no place of knowing what is going on.