Medium & Material

I'm meeting some artists. I'm finding I'm running into, and connecting with not just musical artists, but visual artists. I've met several people and exchanged numbers, with people who either paint or appreciate art.

I've always been around musicians. My father is a musician, for one, and plays everything by ear. I've grown up around music and musicians (usually of the christian variety). That MTV video of (I want to call them Hans & Gretel) the danish? european couple where she is playing piano and he plays guitar and they harmonize their voices while they move from music store, to cafe, to recording studio, to marriage, to break up, to return... I've been there. Well, except for the marriage bit. I've done the duos, been in the studio even (White Horse in Portland, Oregon & private), and in the music store with my guitarist Eric, seen the band break up, all of it. I've had that song in my head all day too, after watching the video this morning. I like the simplicity and the harmonies. (update: i found the name of the video--"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansgard & Marketa Irglova.)

I'm not saying I don't want to be immersed in music now, because I do, but I also want all the art, not just a part of it.

Anyway, I've NOT always been around visual artists. Except on the East Coast when I modeled for artists who painted, and a photographer. I guess there were others. I tried my hand at painting too and I prefer the messiest, smelliest medium--oils. I still have a shoebox filled with oil paints. I used to go to art venues and museums, but it's been awhile.

My son loves art as well. I noticed his interest from a young age. He will flip through any old book with pictures, and then show him real art, and you don't have to explain anything. He stops and stares, and finds his favorites too.

I was talking to someone on the bus today, about writing screenplays and getting into film. As much as I want to do something in the public interest and "straight" like teaching at a college, starting a non-profit, or going into law, I would like to get into film making and screenplays if I could, and give it a shot--find out if I'm any good at it.

It would be a fun way to blend writing with visual art and music. Probably wouldn't just do serious stuff--would like to do comedy too, tongue in cheek comedy and real-life irony situations.

I hope I end up further entrenched in the art scene. I may be intellectual, but I don't have the stomach, probably, for law. I would like to fight for others, and would feel satisfied using my mind and license to help others as an aggressive and zealous attorney. But I don't have patience for the corruption. Judges don't love me, because I call them on the carpet, and I probably wouldn't make it with a lot of lawyers either, as I wouldn't want to compromise on my client's case. As an artist, one can afford to be different. That's probably the best thing about it. Then again, I don't know that "afford" is the right word. Artists don't get paid much, or enough, usually, for their effort. I don't know, because I'm still very passionate about civil rights and I know how it is to be in a variety of circumstances where I'm vulnerable, and disadvantaged, usually because of lack of money. I would like to make a difference for those who don't "fit in", for free speech and open minds, and for the rights of the poor to be treated with the same respect everyone deserves, regardless of income or education. I'm passionate about women's rights and promoting feminism and especially the stigma and second-victimization of women (and men) who are sexually abused and their treatment by the justice system and society. I have also always loved men. I was a big sister, and close to my father, and I now have a son. One of my very best friends was/is a man and I've known him since high school. I'm interested in the social expectations of men to hide their emotions and feelings and live up to certain ideas of "success".

This guy I talked to on the bus, began running away when he was 13 years old, and was describing how he jumped onto trains and where to stand to stay out of danger. He is now 16 and going to be adopted by his biological mother whom the state pressured to give him away because she was poor. He told me one day, my son was going to be upset by everything that's happening now, and he would speak up against it, and about it, for himself. I was talking about film making with him. He knows people who do documentaries for art. Long story and I don't have the whole story.

I found, in my seatmate today, someone with a story who wants to tell me more and keep in touch. A big sister-little brother type of deal. Which was perfect timing, because I was starting to think I needed to find another boyfriend, just so I would have some material to use for writing. I thought, "Some lucky sucker's gonna get me!" Terrible thought, eh? I smiled at the thought of going through all these unsuspecting men, who think I'm in it for love and yet I'm just going for the story. Not even a gold digger!

I could use some good arms too, though. Someone who treats me with respect, and is mature enough and strong enough in himself and life, to stand up to me on the small things that don't matter, but can give a little on the things that are important (or stand up for what he believes if it's important to him), and not care what others think, or take directions from his mother, or his boss, or anyone else, when it comes to a personal relationship.