"Covering" or "Protection"

I suppose I went a little overboard in trying to describe what I think is going on, and my recent efforts at reconciliation with my family and in prayer.

I should say, I do think I've been vulnerable, and perhaps it is partly due to others' perception that I'm not with a church or "right with God" or that because there is lack of family support I am therefore just easier to attack.

But while I am dedicated to making some changes in my life, for my son, I should clarify I do not feel that I've literally "been outside" of God's "covering".

If I were, I'd be dead by now, or in prison on some other false charge, for 10 years. And I suppose even then, it is wrong to say those who are falsely accused are not blessed. Sometimes it is the case of Job, one bad thing after the other, and not because you're distant from God.

I'm not perfect, but I know what my values have been and how I believe in honesty and I've not lied about anyone in this town or another, to harm them, or for any other reason.

I do think I need more support and I am hoping that my own family is willing to recognize they've not been perfect, anymore than I have.

I have once again, been the first one to apologize and to ask for forgiveness, even though I feel there is blame to be shared on both sides. But I am committed to peace with my family, even if they choose to ignore my attempts.

Even with Loren.

As for going to "the healing room"...My mother really, really, wanted me to go. I promised I would, with the condition that they were agreeing to pay for a private attorney. Now, I'm going on my own, still, out of the desire to do something for my family to show them I am willing to look at things from their perspective.

I wrote to them, and haven't heard back from anyone yet, but I asked if they would be willing to forgive me and reconcile and to pray together with a pastor.

I think this is probably what God would want, even if we don't "feel" like doing this, so I'm trying to do what God tells us to do, according to Scripture. Believe me, it was NOT easy. At ALL. But I am trying to align my life with the principles that Christians are called to TRY to follow so we'll see.

I guess I can't control how anyone responds, but I can make the decisions and changes in my own life, and make sure that things are right with me and God and still pray for others.