Finishing Up & Deleted Posts

I hope those I really love, and who care about me, remember what I've said in the past: don't believe everything you read, but ask me if it's true or not. And if there is someone who wants to speak with me and make ammends in any way, or try to work our relationship, come to me and don't rely upon what I write in my blog.

I took down a couple of posts because I got information I needed.

Sometimes, writing all over the place and even writing crazy things, helps draw out information you need. It gets some people to talk and feel braver in their insults, and sheds light on who to avoid and why...

I talked to an attorney who said things are going to be fine, based on evidence and a few other things. I have talked to more than one lawyer. l It's only too bad about osme of the people you have to deal with. There are really good, normal people in the town, and then there are others I've found out about. What they do and say, and think I won't hear about...

Thanks. To those who worry and are sincere, not everything I write is from a factual viewpoint but is meant to be leading sometimes, to draw other things. I guess it's called provocation for a point. Some things are fact, and other parts of my writing are fiction. Still other parts are not creative fiction, but are written for the purpose of drawing bad apples out of the woodwork and get them talking a little too loudly.

Everything is fine. I have people who want to testify, if needed and some new evidence.

I have to file for reconsideration for a few things, but other than that, it's fine. My lawyer is on vacation but knows what I'm up to and there are a few others I'm getting advice from.

And no, I don't hate Michelle E. Not at all. But because I wrote a few things, I found out some other things. Not having to do with her actions specifically either. I don't even dislike Michelle but I have been very angry with some of the treatment in the past. However, in the last couple weeks, I have resolved my own personal sentiments torwards her but I feel she can work towards helping me and my son if she chooses to and resolves differences and realizes I am only looking out for my son. I have every reason to be concerned about a few things still, obviously. But, it's not what some might think.

It's sometimes true, that if people think you're really down, they get more confident. If they think you sound nuts, unstable and inconsistent, and broke and friendless or like you hate people, it makes those who really are your enemies feel more confident to harass more, talk louder, and come up with more stuff. If I'm still writing in a blog, stop and start, it gives temporary ammunition and then it's easier to see who feels they can use this or who WANTS to try to use something against you. It's inconsistency...So it brings people out and they sometimes end up revealing themselves more than they might want to. Provocation can sometimes do the same thing, by causing others to become angry enough to say what they really think, or alternately, comfortable enough and secure in their "she's crazy" hypothesis, to become unguarded.

Some of the things I wrote are true. You just can't rely on a blog for information or insight into a mind, unless you really know the objectives and motives of the author.

The only thing I would add at this point would be firm evidence or photos or other documentation of some things I've talked about in the past. Just things to back up claims I've made in the past. Thanks!

To the one I love: you know I know. I don't know everything but won't you miss me more...? Why don't you come to me. I see but through a glass darkly. I don't know why you don't come to me as you are, but in secret, and how is that fair at all? I miss you whoever you are and no one will understand this message but you. This does not need to have a tragic ending and I don't know what is better, sometimes, than falling in love and being able to share that happiness. Maybe what the world needs now, is, like that 60s song goes, "love, sweet love" and a wad of Bazooka bubblegum. I don't think anyone will really know who this is for. I'm too complicated for anyone to figure it out, right? You know and you stood me up. Either you'll quit finding excuses or you'll just...watch me blossom on my own. And miss me terribly. Come with a different script in hand next time--you know I love you for you. Don't be sad about it because I always feel your sadness and I know when something is shifting always. This morning, something very right and turning over well and peace. I woke early and slept in and something very right was at the start of the day today. I thought it had to do with my son. Perhaps it does or maybe it's someone else. I don't know. Something is meant to be and things are going to work out alright.

Something about a gold locket still flashing before my eyes. A gold locket on a gold chain. White doves, doves, doves. Okay, one last set of images to finish off my blog with, though not feeling very insired:

Boiler problems. Something boiling over
and steam everywhere. Large clear bubbles
big machine, not small pot
breaking candlesticks in half to burn at both ends
rending rending, turning, bending
shakras purple
turpentine smells so sweet
nina simone's "don't smoke in bed" from the 60s
coal from the mines
ballerina on top of the round music box is turning
burning the blindfold
branding a rose into the skin
rosetta stone
pulling out a drawer, one thin drawer from the desk
for a silver letter opener
marks down the back won't erase my memory
kicking the white horse
tossing the keys, throwing up behind the screen
yelling in the kitchen fistful flying
you pulling something with hands together in the middle
right and left hand drawing something out on both sides
a measuring tape or yoyo with two strings
raggedy anne and andy
i had a raggedy anne doll with a patchwork dress
red yarn hair
"christ". who said that?
don't cry, april showers bring may flowers
then june flowers, then july, then august, and september,
even in october there are sunflowers still
even in the dark of winter
i was growing lilies in the closet
bring me that doll, by her hair
stamp, stamp, stamp out my memory like an angry tot
or try, you know this is never leaving
i am with you like a white fur coat
a slipper and a sleeve
a goosefeather pillow and china teapot
buried bargains
disney balloons, see-saw in the park, tyking on a tricycle
chasing you chasing me running muddy
by the poplar trees
pulling up clumps of weeds and grass
beginner's luckto hear the piano from the open window
drawing circles in the snow with a stick
diamonds for eyes on the snowman
buckshot
what's the buckshot for???
paper wagons and paper dolls and moons and fences and walls
home on the range with the gibson girls
parallels, parakeets, pied pipers, prince, pauper, purgery and permanence
pass me the paper cup
and the crayons. i'll color in your book of superheroes
do you know who wonderwoman is?
basic training boys
practice that pitch
"you'll go far" said raggedy anne
as gil looked somewhat apologetic
for his daft cleft of chin
time to pass the vaccum cleaner to the new apprentice
harry potter swirling above from the railing
hit by a truck, running still
from street to street in the rain calling out for "cat"
bruiser

"lonely vigil," WWII
watching and waiting
with the woman in the purple chakra
bury my heart at wounded knee
man in green
the two of them together, violets.

bested by the weather but rising again each and every day
someone to come in to the fire, blankets in the pouring rain

bitner

well, doesn't seem so inspired for sure. but seeing the boiler stuff was very vivid. im not around anything like it. then the locket too. the rosetta stone to mind earlier in the day when thinking about a case. then the raggedy anne doll but i don't think all these things go together i don't think. just stream of consciousness.

I think I might need to contact Rhine still. The problem is, I don't know when I'm right. still need to confirm the other insight about the woman being beat up too. But this morning I was asking my housemates about boilers or very large machines that could boil over. I saw something steel. Not copper. It was silver in color. They said nothing used this except old locomotives or boilerrooms. Then I went online and found nuclear reactions use boiler type machines to convert to heat or energy and use water or hard water for a conduit of some kind. But maybe that translates...I don't know. Interesting how possibly different things could be used as a "generator", even...well, thinking still. I was reading, also airplanes and other large machines still use this. I just don't always know what it's about. What I saw was more of a huge drum upright machine. So that seems fairly innocuous, like more of a building boiler or something. I don't know though.

UPDATE: I did more research and found Hanford nuclear, in the U.S., has all of the same kinds of boilers I "saw".