My Men--Motivational Speaker Not Motivated

I got a ride to Wenatchee from this guy who said he was formerly a business consultant. I'm like, "yeah, every other CIA agent is a consultant." just kidding. Sort of. Because he's asking all these questions like I'm being screened. He asked over and over if I liked to travel and where would I go. What kind of men I liked, what I wanted to do with my life, detailed stuff. He would be a good psychologist. He was a good listener but then I was a good listener and heard him talk for a long time.

He laughed about stuff I said and said I was charming. I told him about my four books I picked out at the airport last and he was cracking up and said it was all so random. When I got to the CIA book about technology, he said, laughing, "Do you really think you will need to know this information?" And I said, seriously, but laughing, "Well you NEVER know! i mean, shoe technology has really come a long way."
He looked at me and I explained, you should see what they can hide in shoes these days. I told him there was this diagram of special technology shoes on the back of the book and he was totally laughing. Then he said, "what, you think they have cameras in shoes or something?" and I said, no, but I DO always check the bathrooms for cameras. He laughed and said, "I'm a guy and I know I don't want to see a woman peeing." I said, "Hey...there are a lot of SICKOs out there!"

Then he said a lot of things. He sounded like my ex, sort of. Like, what he needed and wanted from a relationship. The other thing that was weird was I had a very strong and positive vibe the whole time, like maybe it wasn't coming from HIM necessarily but someone who knew him OR someone who was praying or thinking about me during that time.

I asked him if he and his buddy were military. I had a feeling he was military but he said no.

I had a good conversation with him and he asked what I thought about him. I said I liked him except sometimes I felt like I was in church when he was talking about God and god's will, and blessings, and about women being submissive and what he thought. He said his grandparents were pastors. But he had a lot of positive things to say.

He was bummed about the double bed thing. But he was harmless and cool. Didn't even kiss him or anything. Then, he let me take his car out and I said I'd get coffee. So I asked what he wanted and then guess what i did?

I'm a total klutz. I dumped an entire Venti coffee over the car. When I gave him his car back it had coffee all down the side. It was coming from the Starbucks window and I grabbed it wrong in the tray and the whole thing dumped out and splashed all over the side of the jeep. The entire Venti coffee. ALL over. So they gave me another one and I was looking for a place to put the coffee and opened this center tray thing and there was this bottle full of cigarette butts and stuff. It was FULL. I thought, "OH GROOSS!" and told the lady with the coffee and closed it before it stank more.

Now that I think about it, I KNOW someone who did this in his bedroom. On his windowsill. Then, he just ditched out. Left all my stuff at the hotel and it was there after my hearing. I wasn't bothered by it.

I guess I wasn't as much "fun" as he was expecting me to be. So I walked out of the courthouse and got a ride from someone else who was really nice. I had a really good feeling about him, right off the bat. He had all the trash in his car but was a really good person.

In the last day I've gone from hanging out with the Spanish cosmo guy to the yacht club tan-motivational-man showing off his toes in thongs, with a second toe longer than his forearm. There's aristocracy for ya, such show-offs. Yoohoo toes. Then, I met the guy from Arkansas. I trusted him right away. I dunno 'bout these Arkies, but something is alright with y'all! Well, with this one. Not attracted or anything, but a really decent person and funny too. So he didn't have a car except for a truck from some buddy who is in jail and it's a 2007 truck. So here we are, in this beater, and then there's another beater, and none of the beaters will go over the mountain. But there is this other truck in the backyard and it's just sitting there and all it needs is diesel.

So it's behind this chainlink fence and I told him it was like we were behind one of the sides of the German wall and it was just out of reach. So I told him the guy I had just been with had said his father owns like 9 gas companies. Or stations. Which is hilarious when we needed some diesel.

So then I'm at the cafe and I was joking that first we had the gas but not the car, and now there is a truck with no gas.

Anyway, I know something is going to materialize. We're having steak and baked potatoes for dinner so that's a good sign. We were talking about how he thought he might have cancer but he just found out he may not, it might be something else. Kind of interesting. I asked him what his symptoms were and I'll have to look stuff up.

It's fun at this point.

The Spanish guy was looking at me last night, like, "Are you stressed? Do you need to rest? Are you nervous?" and I said, "Nope!" and just looked at him. Why should I be more stressed than I am already? Nothing is going to change if I become stressed out. I asked if I could use his cell and I made three new calls to three new people and I was set. He just stared at me. When you see very bad streaks of luck, you know there is also room for a very lucky streak or things to work out, at the last minute even. I am a planner and I'm not impulsive, but you have to be adaptable and go with the flow.

I like hanging out with, and meeting, all kinds of people. Cosmopolitan people, mountain people, and a little of everythihg. Money doesn't make the difference, it's personality, I think, and life experience and values. Money is GREAT but it's not everything nor should it be a determinant for choosing friends or being sociable. There are so many very interesting people in the world.

I felt sad wearing that tiffany's cross and then later I felt weird leaving it behind. I left it in my other jeans.

So this guy didn't have any money, but knows a lot of disabled people and we were talking about that. He wanted a cigarette and I didn't have nay but I said I'd buy him a pack and I only had $30 on me. now, he's letting me use his cell so this is good. I then gave this guy who asked me for money, for a dollar, I gave him a dollar. He was homeless.

It seems dumb to do this but if you're already poor, it is only good luck to give. It will come back in small ways I think. That doesn't mean I'm notS trying to get a normal job. But the other cool thing is, this other guy I'm not interested in but who is nice, just offered to buy me a drink and i sort of wanted a glass of wine but didn't want to go to a bar for that. So he said he'd get a bottle of wine and some glasses. He left to go run this errand.

Anyway, with the really nice man from AK, he said he's only been in the area a couple of years and then I noticed this necklace around his neck and it was a clara. I haven't seen one like this before. It's an Irish cross with the clara hands holding a heart in the middle. I asked where it was from and he said a neighbor had given it to him.

The guy who wanted to get a "single" asked me on the way over if I had ever been in love. I told him no. It is the truth.

Who was I in love with? I told him I grew to care about and love Alvaro but that I never really "fell" for him because there were too many missing pieces and things not adding up, and then he was cheating too. Then, Chris I fell for in a chemistry way, beyond all reason way, but not fully in love, in love, but maybe close. Probably very close, but I have never been interested in someone enough, and THEN, if it's not reasonable, rational, or something that I think is really going somewhere, I don't allow myself to give over any part of my heart. Maybe a little part, but not everything. I have given maybe 20%. Or, in good moments, 50%. I can be very warm and loving, but I'm just not giving over my power to someone or something i don't think is supposed to be forever or an attempt at forever.
Like the song says, "When I fall in love, it will be forever..."

Or I hope so.

Oh Mmmmmmmmmmmmmannnn. I first spilled coffee all over myself, my pants, and then wine all over my pants. This is nice. Merlot. This guy just asked for a pen and paper. He said, "Are you on Myspace?" and I said "No" and he said, "Oh that's alright. I'm kind of into reality right now. I've sort of mastered the cyberspace world already." I cracked up.