Visit With My Son (Cars)

My son met me coming out of the restroom. He looked really good. He seemed to be more comfortable with Anne as well, and was in good spirits. This time instead of hiding, he just broke into laughter when he saw me. He was so happy to see me and I couldn't stop smiling. Everyone waiting in the lobby saw this.

He looked really good. His skin was healthier, he just seems to be improving (except for hallucinating about a purple spot on my nose, which wasn't there and he wasn't joking either).

He was wearing khaki pants and a white t-shirt with a columbia camoflague thermal and it was a bright green so it looked really good on him==the bright colors do. So he was just giggling and smiling and took my hand and I said, "Do you want to go to the playroom?" and we went into this other office first, where he put away a scooter he was on, and said thank you to a woman who moved her leg when needed.

Then we went to the room and there were the 3 chairs set up against the wall and all this. I sat down with him and he looked in my bag where he found tortillas and salsa with guacamole, an apple-cranberry salad, and grapes. His organic milk went in the fridge to take home. I swear he's been putting on more weight just drinking that milk, because it's whole milk, and he just looks better. I've been bringing it consistently the last few weeks and before that it was off and on bc I thought maybe he got enough to eat at his house, but I just decided to get him this milk and it has DHA in it too so he gets omegas. Oh, I am just thinking though, I don't KNOW if this DHA is filtered for mercury like the kind I used to get so I'll have to check the source of DHA. If it's not filtered, I'd rather he not even have it added, and just has whole milk.

He was really sweet and affectionate at the visit. I swear, someone was tormenting the hell out of him before the last couple of weeks. He was really acting out some things that someone was drilling into him and before that, just really acting out effects of abuse. But he's been better, and I was surprised because this Monday it really did seem like his longer days from the Wednesday before until that next Monday, had been much better for him.

He also had some regular items from the foster "guardians". He ate a few things and then we read a book which I've mentioned, and he said my aunt Holly didn't like Winnie the Pooh or The Little Engine That Could. I said, "Holly doesn't like these books?" because I knew Holly didn't like "Frida" but I have no idea why she wouldn't like the other two and I think he'd said they were reading them. So maybe someone else put that in his mind, or not, I don't know.

Then he told me he'd had "fish" at his "Tios" house. First he said Sonia and then he said tio but he said tio sonia. I asked if he liked it. My son told me he ate worms and had fish with worms in its mouth and "worm soup". I asked my son if he wanted to eat it and he said no, he didn't like it. At first I thought he was just playing but he told me the fish had "worms" coming out of his mouth and that he ate them and he was made to eat worm soup. My opinion is, I don't know what is going on with my son. I don't know who he's being allowed to hang out with unsupervised and all I know is that my son has not been safe since he's been out of my care. Both he and I were not safe at that time, which is why we were leaving for Canada, and we were targeted for gang violence. I haven't had so much of that since I got more credibilty and blasted my story all over the place. There have still been some things which have happened though, a few things, but I saw what was allowed to happen to my son too, when he was so sick and someone was harming him the same way I was being harmed. My opinion is that this is partly gang violence and partly military and U.S. "experiments" under the cover of gang activity, because there is no other reason I would have been visited by so many military and doctors and people on the East Coast. And then even coming back to Washington state. What has happened, is people in the U.S. who are IN government, have allowed this to happen and they knew.

So anyway, my son talked about worms which was somewhat disturbing. If he'd said he liked fish and it had a worm in it's mouth, I would understand a fish had been caught with a worm. But he was saying it was in the mouth and he ate it and then was made to eat "worm soup".

I don't trust what some of the stuff coming out of my own sons mouth is about because I can tell when it's real and fluid, and when something doesn't make sense and my son is being forced to repeat something. He said, "tio sonia". I said, "Sonia's house?" and then he said, "No, tio's" but he doesn't have a "tio" except for my uncle, and he calls Pablo, Pablo. So then I wonder who is this other person and what is the relation or is it someone totally unrelated telling my son to repeat this?

When I talked to my uncle Pablo last, he was very haughty. He has a brand new attitude torwards me. Where before he was backing off and supposedly repsecting the mother's rights, to some degree at least, he is now mocking me over the phone. HE told me he could make sure I never see or talk to my son (over the phone) or in any other visits. It hasn't been "christian" behavior at all. It's clear to me, that he feels confident in harassing the mother of a child, and that he feels secure in the idea he is going to adopt my son from under me.

So I thought about these things while with my son in the visit. My son laid knocked me over and then laid on me tickling briefly and then he was combing my hair with sagebrush that I gave him. I brought a piece of sagebrush and some daffodils for him which he admired and he said, staring at the daffodils, "For ME??!" and I said, "Yes! for YOU!" He had a very sweet smile.

I suppose the other thing that bothers me, is that I haven't written about my visit with my son until today and yet I ran into a bunch of people who were making a big deal about combs and fish, and bringing up details from our visit.

The people in the state are freely sharing the visitation notes with the entire community. It's going to a few people at least, who are then disseminating information from there.

So anyway, then my son did some drawing on a etch-a-sketch type thing, and it said "Hi" on it and I showed it to him and said, "That spells hi, H-I." and he stared and tried to remember. Then he made some drawings.

Which, I know I keep interjecting comments into this notation about the visit, but when I went back to the house where my son and I lived, after Canada and asked my family about things, not one person knew where approximately 30 or more paintings and drawings he had done, where they went. I took others with me in the car. But our medical records were missing too. It's like someone paid a family member to take my and my son's medical records, or they did it on their own, willingly. All of our medical records were gone. At that time, I couldn't have even imagined why any family member would do this. Now, I know a tiny bit more about my family and know some of them would do this.

So he finished with drawing and then we moved to playing with cars. And we spent almost the entire time, driving cars around. He wanted the chicky to eat a yogurt and pretend the stuffed animals talked, but then they were in airplanes and other vehicles. I asked him if he liked helicopters or planes better and he said "airplanes" and then had a stuffed animal in the cockpit, driving around. So we did this and then drove cars on the ship and I made things up for that too, and that the ship was a big fishing boat. I had the airplane come in to pick up the fish from the boat and he loaded it up and I said, "Oh, we forgot that you need to be paid! because you know, no one should take something from you for free, you need to be paid for the fish!" and explained commerce or trade, and one line was, "If someone want to take something from you, they will have to pay for it." And I was GLAD to say it, just like that!

I also showed him the life vest and the lifesaver ring in the boat and he really got into the imaginative thing. I don't think anyone can please him in that regard, more than his mom. I know he is my son for a reason--we have a couple differences but he and I are a lot alike. I can already tell. I think this is why he prefers to be with me over anyone, because we're in tune with eachother and because he knows no one treats him better, and that I respect his intelligence too. I should say, his rights. Because children have human rights like everyone else.

He wanted to play with a yellow jeep and I had the plane and then we played on the ship and then moved over to the dollhouse and when it was 20 minutes to go, I let him know and he stopped and pleaded and said, "NO! I don't WANT to go! I want to stay here with YOU!"

Which is the same thing he was telling Michelle Erickson when she was trying to lead him away, he wants to be with his mother.

He kept saying he wasn't going to go and he wanted to stay, over and over, and pleaded with me and I said we still had some time and I asked the monitor to write this down and she did. Also, the monitor didn't make a big deal about my son going into the bathroom with me this time, but I didn't have my bag with me either and since I took the one photo of the slice on my son's face while in a stall, I don't think they're concerned at all about weird behavior with me (well, that's never been an issue). They're more concerned that I might document the scars he has from cuts and marks they didn't care he was receiving.

So he came into the stall and was goofing around and relaxed. At the end of the visit, the monitor noted how he kept saying he wanted to stay, and he then played cars lying partly across my lap. He gave me a couple of impromtu kisses during the visit. He resisted going and then I made a calendar for him, and he took this, and the food and then it was just pitiful because he didn't want to go at all. He looked scared and nervous and said, "Mama, you stay right out here. You sit here and wait for me okay?" and I said to him, "Oliver, I am going to wait for you right here, I promise, and I will see you in just one day!" but he looked sad and didn't want to leave and they literally had to pull him away again as he was waving, looking sad, and blowing kisses. He tried to stay there, and go back to me, but he was pulled away.

The other thing, was that in the middle of a visit, after eating, he came over to me while he was looking at pen marks on his hands and said "Why you give me marks?" and looked worried, and I said, "Oh honey, it's just accidental from when you were holding the pen you must have marked yourself and the pen is leaking a little. We can wash it off." Then he looked at me abruptly, like he had just seen something and said, "Mama, what's that?" and I said, "What?" and he said, "Mama, that spot." I looked at him and he was staring at some "spot" and was very serious and looked worried. I said, "What spot?" and he said "You have a spot on your nose, and it's purple." I said "I do?" and he said, "What's it from?" or "how did you get it" and I said, "I don't know, maybe I got myself with a pen too!" but then when I went to the bathroom there was nothing. Not a tiny fleck at all, and nothing purple, and not even a pronounced freckle.

My son coughed and I think his worry about his cough has far more to do with how he's thrown up so he associates coughing with maybe getting sicker.

In general, he seemed fine physically, but someone is still brainwashing him, and he still needs an MRI for his eyes, which he rubbed again that day, and all the other signs he's shown of being ill. With all his health problems and then seeing "spots" and after his head injury and having cysts, he needs follow up on that and this has not been done.

I talked to my lawyer today, absolutely in disbelief over the stalling and delay. I will write about that a different day.

My public defender and that firm know they have been the only way I could supposedly even TRY to protect my son or have a defense, and they didn't do anything and then I was blocked from doing anything. We have a hearing coming up and I've been blocked for two months from getting documentation in which could turn this case over. They promised me from the first day to allow use of phone and fax and then cut me out so I couldn't even help myself, at all. I couldn't help my son, to protect him, nothing.