A Little Depressed

I think I have a right to feel a little depressed right now. It would be natural. I've had this feeling, for myself, and because of myself and situation and also, I think, for someone else or more than just one other person.

I am so tired of guessing games. I went home and took a nap today and then got up and listened to music and painted. I only have one canvas right now and keep painting over it again and again. I get something that's okay and then I screw it up. I decided to just smear all the paint together and it turned out sort of forest-camo green and then I pressed it against another painting with a tan color. Sort of a tan-ochre. No, hmmm...well, it looks like a camoflague theme. Camoflague is what I think I'll call it.

I need more canvases though. It's hard to rework something and I like the freedom of moving from one thing to another and I work better on larger canvasas. I try to put too much into a small canvass. I used to like watercolor and could paint small with watercolor but I like oils best. My painting teachers liked my modern art. My stuff that came through out of emotion and pure color. I am pretty good mixing colors. I've only tried to copy one painting and it was Degas, the ballerina in the tutu in blue and white. Someone wanted it and I gave it away.

I am just depressed about the truth and turn of events, well, reality of all events. It's just sad. And what's sad too is that I still have feelings for him. I miss him even though I know it's horrid to. I invested myself, in some ways, in him. It's sad though, what I went through. I know that.

I am out of time really and don't have much money and there are no jobs in this town. Learning poker would have been good, but it was impossible when all this stuff was going on and my son was then being abused and I saw the evidence on his body. It tore me up and I couldn't focus on anything else. I had to be active. Which is what propelled me to get witness statements.

I had asked my PD to do this. He wouldn't do anything. It is required and is my right, to have REASONABLE defense, and if I'm saying I have very good witness statements, those people didn't do their job when they ignored me and just pushed for what they wanted, routine. I was just railroaded. I need a lawyer who will work with me and not against me.

I do need a little money too. I am putting my P.O. Box number out there again.

It's P.O. Box 1115
Wenatchee, WA 98807