Alive: My Spy Monologue In Photos (Part III)

"Boss! they cleaned me OUT!" Boss says the agency had some budget cuts. I don't care. I still love him, even when he's so blue to be in the red. I love, love, love, my Boss. (and I get a raise too! even if it's 50 cents more per hour so what. It's the thought that counts.)



Boss gave me shampoo to go along with my bar of soap (I still have it. It lasts a long time when you don't mind being dirty. That's me. DUUUuuuurrty.)



Boss downsized my contacts. I'm resigned to local coverage people.



I don't know why people at the agency don't believe in halos or ghosts. I have both, one over each shoulder, and it's hard to tell the difference. I have a good ghost praying for me every step of the way and I take this to be a sign that I am logical, down to earth and not the least bit superstitious. I was pissed when Boss said I should be reassigned to the UFO investigators.



I'm trying to change. The first thing I said I wanted to change was my posture.



I am SOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo BORED. I just want a kite shop. I want to make kites out of real prisoner kites sent to judges and fly them all over the world.



What can I say? I'm not a fan of desk jobs. Boss is mad. He said, "You said you wanted 'safer' and LOOK at you! Do you even know who was on the other line?!!" Ooops. My bad. Mueller.



I tell Boss it's time to let the world know just how close I've gotten to Fidel Castro. (I told you peeps, I'm flexible. ;) )



Boss tells me to clean toilets if I want to start over.



Boss says no to my desired post at the UN. He tells me they're U.S. stamps. NOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I ask if I can work on an Indian Reservation at least. Learn a new language. He says no. I'm not young enough or hippie enough and have the scent of money creeping up my collar.



Boss tries to show me how to cut a lime with a pate knife. I don't know what I'm supposed to be learning anymore. How to make margaritas?



How many spies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. Unless it's me. Gotta shape this ship UP.



Boss likes my undercover act



I'll give 'em fuckin' "mai thai" Boss



You've gotta be kidding me. First no email at the agency, then no telephones?!



Got a message from the action man.



Oh I found out. I found out all about da deal. Why does Boss do this to himself on my account? I'm going to kill him by loving him to death.



Sometimes I think Boss has got to go. I will repay my own ransom. You want a REAL barter? Start negotiating with dis bitch.



Here I am, old agency pin-up. My way in. Is this a real cameo or what?



Boss approves of my sink strategy--says it's excellent work and why they decided to retain me afterall, sans I.Q. test.



Hey, I like sleeping under a sink


I think, if I sleep under the sink, I might be able to confuse the assasasins with the titanium in my neck with the metal from the sink pipes. Ya think???



I had this friend come over and entertain me in taking photos for my next spy monologue. Then I told him he could go and he said, "That's all you wanted?" Why does every guy think you're about anything but business and good, clean fun? Anyway...He was wearing an interesting tee that said, "Scars are like tatoos but with better stories to tell." But it was funny and we had some laughs.