Music Today R&B & Dreams

Heard some good music today. One rnb song with a cool tambourine break and I'd have to go back and find out which one. Some old ones I enjoy singing along with too.

One I didn't like, because it scared me, was "Overdose" by Jamie Foxx which is about some guy overdosing on a woman but it's too close to the real thing to be comfortable to me. It makes me think about a few people I've known who almost killed themselves drinking or using substances to excess.

I feel a very strong instinct to try to save these people. It is one very extraordinary maternal instinct that I have, that I cannot stand to see suffering, especially inflicted on themself, out of despair or depression or just not thinking. Everything has a turning point and there is always a new corner.

The first funeral I ever went to was a suicide of a 14 year old boy and I never forgot it.

I, also, had one suicide attempt in my life but it was not a planned thing or even an impulsive thing I don't think, but came from a bad moment of despair combined with being drugged without my knowledge. I mean, supposedly there was pot in my blood, and I never once was around it, that I saw, or took it, so if it's true, it would have affected me and I never even knew. So I don't really count it as legit.

However, I still know how it is, from different angles, my own perspective when I tried it and also the perspective of someone whose friend died. I sat next to him on the bus every day until he died.

How strange. The first image I got today was while listening to "Cyclone" by Baby Bash. I saw one or two karate or some kind of martial arts performers or dancers doing these really wide sweeping kicks in martial arts attire, in black and white with red headband. Didn't see colors super clear, but the kicks. And it was a round, flip kind of kick. Like a flip but not a backflip. Starting from the leg and then turning in a flip but always facing forward. What the hell kind of move is that?

I had a couple of dreams I haven't forgotten about. Recent ones and one image that came to mind which bothered me.

I had an image of Exxon lying on a long couch with his face to the side and his hands behind his back and they were in cuffs. It was a blue couch. I sort of think it was from a past thing but it scared me because I was worried it might be a future thing. But it could be symbolic and figurative. There was nothing to cause me to think about this, it just came right in front of me. I had it yesterday. I had the feeling he was not in legitimate trouble but he was trapped or caught or something. He was lying there with his head to side and just quiet. I don't know if it was something from the far past or a present situation or if it was a warning for the future.

Then I had a dream two nights ago...A series of dreams. One, the first one, was a full blown dream with Christopher Hitchens again. I have not even read anything by him or thought about his work or him for a LONG time, and yet I dreamed from the same location I had a dream in the past. It was going back to the exact same house and location I had seen in a dream I had months ago. He wanted to talk to me again and sort of just walked around the house. It wasn't anything important but he was interested in my story or life or something. It was like he suddenly took an interest in me. I have no recollection of what the past dream was but it was at the exact same location. We talked over this kitchen bar type thing. It was an open room with the kitchen and the living space or dining room open and it was one of those kitchen islands, a large one, or a bar in a house. Then we went out and got a bottle of wine or ran some small errand. Oh, and then he proposed dating or something along those lines. Yeah, I know, hilarious, but in the dream he was actually serious. But he was sort of talking like a mentor and with interest more than some kind of lolita seduction.

I like The Pitbull--The Anthem feat. Lil John. This is the first one I have really wanted to dance to. I like Ironik's "Faudrait Pas" too. Cool french rap.

The other dream I had was the one where the guy says "you belong in D.C." when I was getting set up with a group with designs that I should have the same fate as this one woman who was in the corner, in my dream, and she was a very young native american or maybe latina woman working as a prostitute. Now, this thought has never once crossed my mind in real life--never been an option to me ever, but in the dream I was under someone's idea that I should go this direction and I said no, and then I was swept out dancing and my mother cried. I never wrote about this because of the prostitution bit because I didn't want anyone to think this was ever a possibility in my life but I think it was symbolic for something else.