images

good or bad
someone had me
lost me, gained me, got me, fought it out
good or bad
i wouldn't know if i had
been sleeping with the enemy
but the one who tries to decieve me
deceives themself
a connectivity with every turn and corner
a mind reading game
i could feel the energy
one who turned my head again and again
to find eyes staring back at me
one who made me laugh with his audacity
one who i wanted to sew buttons for
clean for, who almost turned me into a willing maid
almost
then one who made me laugh at everything silly
at myself and at reality
who said we should change for better things
in life
different spectrums and either loving
or hating me
watching me from tinted glass as
i went into the computer store on valentine's day
playing a game of winners losers and keepers finders
passing by the glass to see whose face i would turn to
teams lined up on the side
a and b
at least, at the very least
it wasn't boring
none of it was boring
intellectual matches were met
maybe i will miss the days when excitement and mystery
was high and something
was just around the corner but always not within grasp
past
i still turn when i have eyes on me
but i turn more with some than others
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i have a long and short list
black and white list
hit and miss list
kiss and fist list
with legs like an octopus
pulling through the deep
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empresario
mi azucar negra
los montanas secreto por la luna
la luna esta tu mistress
y las estrellas tu hijos
si tu quieres la luna
esta impossible
un camisa blanco y gris es no por ti
tu prefieres una camisa negra
y los angelos prefieres ti haber
con los arboles en mississippi
donde tu va en botas
donde tu va en battilion
tu va a la discoteca con tu amor
pero tu corazon esta con
la luna y las estrellas
hecho, hecho
las cantinas damati nada
curioso cuando tu eres un hombre
quien recibes todos
pero si tu tienes la luna con tus manos
tu tienes con tu imagine
tu tienes en la noche
cuando personas son falso
recuerdo un promiso
papeles son nada a dios
dios recibes los papeles en fumes de cigarillos
ashes to ashes
nosotros return a el circulo
amarillo flores por ti
estrellas por tu cuarto moreno
cuando mis dientes son gris
y blanco y cafe
cuando tu recibes cafe en la manana
uso crema
recuerdo mi skin before
the fall
cuando tu tienes un fresca en tus manos
recuerdo mi colores
cuando tu tienes jugo de anoranjados en tu boca
nunca en tu vida
tu tienes mas de este
guerra, guerra, y revolucion
en el ciudad, en las playas, en mi
mariscada en a ristorantes pequeno
con ojos en mi y mis ropas
conquistadores columbus
tu tienes una camisa negra pero tu no tienes
si tu conoce, no mas
tu tienes espanol y tengo ingles
hay no cafe a lait en este casa
pero una pictura es por mil palabras
no horas, palabras
un avion en el distancia por mi
una mesa con turtles
they race eachother, los turtles
they race until they fall off the edge
triste, they say, quien quieres no peace
triste, mira que has cracked
tortoise shell por shells de guns por shells del mar
san francisco a d.c.
n.y. a l.a.
mis palabras son mis palabras
pero mi corazon tienes ojos
para el cuarto, discoteca, y para el mundo
un cuarto non circular
el mundo tienes angles like a razor blade
stumbling into el jardin
mis pieds en glass
mariposa verdes, esmereldas en orejas
noticia besos
pero uno mujere es afraid
no gustan el situacion
muchas mujeres hace divertido y embrazos
por a mujere otra
pero uno o dos mujeres son triste
sabes todos
el revolucion es en el corazon
no esta en el mundo del dinero
esta en trabajas por una vida mejore
en trabajas por que esta verdad
la luna miras para los montanas
juievia
boca rojo es una boca raton
personas dile ti
pero es ridiculoso
yo no hace esta jugarito (little game)
yo was a pawn
pero, mis palabras son mis palabras
except cuando yo mira
no necessario anohado a mi
cuando no tengo todo que es verdad
hezekiah turned to the wall
cuanda an SUV drove by
hezekiah tienes un vida por mucho mas dias
porque tu recibes el insulto
con patience
porque tu quieres una vida differentes
nosotros faced the wall
el colores esta blanco
es possible tu were a pawn too
detro
a noche a las callabras
a tienda a las buffoons
entonces
ya no quiero correar cuando es mi
destino cantar
baile beneath las estrellas
tu hijos mira ti
todo el noche
tu tienes angeles marviloso
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got that vibe right now. the good vibe. it's 3:30 pst or so. very strong. got it after about 10 minutes after making last post.
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I wanted to talk about how i wrote this last poem, the one in spanish. it was very odd. it was sort of one of those things that unfolded and i had no idea what i was writing really. half of the words that came to my mind, i had to look up after i wrote it. the following words i didn't even know: detro (i still can't find a meaning for this one), callabras (can't find meaning), entonces (then, or "at that time" or "in that case"), correar (to pull wool for purposes of making something), hecho (made).

every one of these words i didn't even know the meaning of, yet, when i went back and checked, they made sense somehow.

actually, writing this poem sort of scared me, because it came from me but it also felt driven by another hand in a way, that these words which would make sense in context would even come to mind. i don't know that it's exactly what i wanted to say, but i just opened up my mind to write whatever, and that's what came out. it was very odd.

i guess what's strange is the "hecho, hecho" part because i don't know how that applies in the context. i'd almost have to have someone who speaks spanish translate this for me for me to understand how what i wrote actually sounds in english or in spanish.

Oh, I didn't know what "empressario" meant either. I thought it might have something to do with an empress or meaning. But it came to mind and i wrote it down and later found out it means "employer" or "businessman"
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6:45 p.m. good vibe again. strong, like someone is near or praying for me. so bizarre. i don't expect anyone to understand until i figure out what it is one day. it's as odd as writing a poem without even knowing what all the words mean.

I still have this very strong vibe. It hasn't left and it is still just as strong. Oh, I do love this song too, by Bonnie Tyler "Holding Out For a Hero". It's sort of anthem-ish, but I like it.
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Saturday: it was strange because I had the same vibe last night, for a couple of hours but the guy I was talking to...I knew it wasn't from him. It was from someone or something else. I even walked outside to look around. I feel it now too, at 9:00 a.m. or whatever time it is now. I told this guy, "Someday I'm going to find out what it is. It will be a big discovery." He actually agreed and thought it would happen. I am very positive about this, like I am positive about few things in life, this i know--that there is a higher power and there are forces at work which are more of the 6th sense and intuition than anything else.

this guy wanted to talk more, but i just wanted to go to sleep. i left to go to bed and i was exhausted and i slept like a rock. i think he really wanted to talk more but I was too distracted by this vibe to keep talking.

i still can tell there is this very strong vibe right now. really, really, weird.
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i talked to this guy in d.c. today. i asked him yesterday if he had any advice for me. we talked about college options this morning and he brought up nursing.

i once considered this but took a chemistry class and realized, "oh, I guess i'd have to study" and dropped out. it was easier to take english classes and not study at all and get A's.

however, there is a need for nurses. it would keep me employed and be good for my son. it would also be helping people. i'd be good at staying calm or helping others to stay calm. the part i wouldn't like is paperwork and pill counting.

i would sort of like to be able to diagnose things and research a history to figure things out but i don't want to be an actual doctor where i'm doing any kind of surgery. my brother actually enjoys watching surgery and i don't want to look at all. i couldn't cut into anyone. ew. i think it would be hard enough to put in a needle.

i think i would be good with people and maybe figuring things out and that's it. but it would be a good job and this guy says there is a lot of new free government money for it. through the stimulus package or something.

11:05 a.m. PST: that vibe again. it left and now it's back. i swear i sound manic to the normal world, but i swear to god, i will find out what this is about. i know i will find out. i just don't know when. this is so weird, but believe me, if i can, i will tell the whole world when i find out what it is. and no, i don't need meds. this is meds enough. it's good, not bad. and no, i'm not acting any differently or bouncing around or feeling compulsive. 11:32 PST...it's still there. 11:53 PST still there. so still constant. 12:03 PST very strong. stronger. so weird. still strong at 12:51 PST. 1:12 PST...still there.
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i think if i go into nursing, i would strive to be top of the class. i don't know that it really makes a difference, with nursing, but maybe. i mean, it seems like one nurse is like another and it's not like trying to get into med school, but i think i would try to be head or close to head of the class. just in case. the other reason i'm thinking about it is because i do get started in wenatchee and still be here for my son and try to fix the custody matter.

i can't go further with my english lit. degree in wenatchee unless i go online or have a car to commute with. i think it would be pretty hard to find a college where i could complete all my classes online.

well, i guess i'll look into wenatchee nursing programs.
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i was listening to "sweet dreams" by eurythmics and all of a sudden had this image of a ballet dancer with no face doing plies across the floor. i think that's what a plie is? i don't know. leg bent at knee and doing a turn with arms out and then another and another in a diagonal across a hard floor in a very large room like a small quiet and empty old fashioned ballroom. i just got the mental photo. i think it could be done. a combo of ballet and modern for this song. it was dark with just light from the windows and it was a view from the left, like a door to the far left and then looking from here, she was taking it from the middle of the floor to the opposite diagonal corner. the door is to the left and windows across the room.
like a rectangular room, with a door to the left corner and then windows on the other wall that face outside, and she was taking turns from the center of the room torwards the right upper corner in a diagonal line from the center. anyway, that was my flash of an image that came to my mind. but who knows. maybe i'm having a footloose or flashdance memory from some movie or something. anyway. enough detail.
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i looked up nursing and the application window would be for winter, in dec. and then you'd go into the program in spring. i could probably do that. i have to get my loan stuff together and talk to someone at the college and then i think i could do this.

i'm going to nursing school.

well, it's not totally new. i mean, i've thought of it before, and i also have always liked science and have thought i would go for english lit and then a minor in science. i guess i'll be a nurse and then later finish my english degree and write.

the thing is, i'd have a secure college thing, and then a job even if not in wenatchee but by the time i graduated or got close to transfering, i could transfer. and then i still want to finish my B.A. in english lit. and do something with that sort of but i can do it later.
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i looked up nursing. i guess there's practical nursing and then registered. i think i would go for the rn. i am not sure i would get into the wentachee program so i will apply for a few different things. but i will try for RN. although, they don't have the option to be the other kind of nurse that gets to diagnose things. I can't remember what it's called. but in wenatchee one can go for an RN which would pretty much travel anywhere.

i had to look up what the difference is between a practical and registered nurse. i guess a practical nurse is beneath a registered one. i still don't know what all of the duties are. i would like being a pediatric nurse but i like older people too so i think i'd go with general RN. i think it would get to me to see kids in pain all the time. i might be good at it, with them, but it would probably get to me.