Monday, July 11, 2011

My Big Fat Baby Dream

I'm sort of borrowing from Big Fat Greek Wedding idea for a title here, hope they don't mind.

I'm writing about this because I have had a horrible headache and stomach pain for about 2 days and had to sleep most of the time and wasn't following the news. So this morning I feel better and went to the news and I couldn't believe it, because there was a news item on CNN about "That's a big baby"! and had a photo of a dark skinned newborn and when I looked at it I thought it strange since I just had a dream about something similiar. But my dream was during the day when I was napping to get rid of my headache, and it wasn't yesterday (Sunday) but the day before (Saturday).

In my dream this huge baby was set down in front of me and it was walking but looked too young to be walking and was incredibly fat and pudgy and had dark skin. It backed up to me and then turned and it was weird because in the dream I was thinking it was Oliver, my son, but it was a girl I thought, at first. The most significant thing about the dream at all was how overlarge the baby was. It was the biggest, fattest walking baby I'd ever seen. And then my cousin Gardenia will love this, because when it turned its head to me I said, "Hi Gardenia!" and I referred to the baby as my cousin Gardenia.

It had darker skin than Gardenia, who is part hispanic. And Gardenia is now a grown woman, but when she was little I used to spend hours with her, swinging her around, having sleepovers, and paying a lot of attention to her.

The skin color was the same color as the baby in Texas, that weighs 16 pounds, and the hair was the same. But in my dream, I thought it was darker because of being part hispanic.

So I was calling it Gardenia and then I picked the baby up and had it on my lap and it went from being a baby to a talking baby, like out of that movie, "Look Whose Talking!" where the babies can talk. And in my dream, I was calling it Gardenia, but I knew it somehow was my son or represented my son Oliver.

And the baby turned to me with its face very close to mine and said very clearly:

"I know you think about me all the time. I know that you love me and it wasn't your fault, and that you never forget about me."

It talked to me and told me that it knew everything and how much they knew I loved them, and how good of a mom I was!

And then the baby kissed me repeatedly and it was like we were reunited.

I tried to say the name Oliver in the dream but I couldn't. It wouldn't come out, but from the moment the child was on my lap and talking to me I knew what it was saying to me represented the spirit and soul of my son. Everytime I tried to say a name it came out "Gardenia". But it wasn't her, I just thought it was at first. The baby speaking to me was my son.

I don't remember what it was wearing. I think, just a diaper.

Because I don't remember a dress or anything. I saw how wide its back-fat was. It was just wearing a diaper.

When I woke up and walked out across the lawn, with the sun shining, and thought about it, I thought, "I wonder if I somehow intercepted some kind of party where someone was being handed an older baby and I saw the baby through their eyes for a moment?" I thought maybe it was a hispanic party or a party with a hispanic child present because of the color of skin. But what's weird, is that it looked an awful lot like this big black baby that was born in Texas!

My son was considered "large" at 8.11 oz. He was strapping and healthy and the doctor acted surprised as if I'd been sitting on my rear end eating donuts all day, so how was it possible I had such a great looking baby. He was an incredibly beautiful baby and looked so healthy (except for his poor head injury). For my stature, and esp. given that I was already supposed to have a C-section because of narrow pelvic bones (one way, but not the other direction), he was probably enormous which is why we both were practically tortured with a forced natural birth.

Anyway, 16 lbs is something else.

I don't know what I dreamed about really. I mean, I don't know what I was picking up on, but I do know that the message from the baby was for me and from my son, regardless of who the messenger was. It was very encouraging, like an angel speaking to me. But it was my son.


I think it was this baby I saw in my dream. I just went back to see exactly what day it was born and it was born Friday morning. I had the dream on Saturday morning or mid-day. It was during the day because I had to take a nap because of a headache.

It was this baby I think.

It was wearing just a diaper, same color skin, same appearance, and same kind of hair. And it was up on its feet but about this size.

So whoever was viewing this baby in Texas...I don't know how I picked up on it, but somehow I think I did and I dreamed about it. But it was Gardenia in my dream and then it was the spirit of my son, and my son talked to me.

If it was this baby, I was sitting down when it was handed to me or I picked it up, with its back first to me.

If I find out some friend in Texas happened to see news coverage and I just randomly picked up on what he saw and then dreamed about it, I think we'll both be freaked out. Because I was thinking, probably Texas news picked up this story before CNN did.

If it's a coincidence, maybe there was another baby like this one that I dreamed about, and it's just sort of the same idea. That is possible. It's also remotely possible that I had the dream Friday, but I think it was Saturday. I know it wasn't Sunday (yesterday) but a day or two before.
Cool thing that happened yesterday...I was napping because of headache and stomach and decided to eat some raw ginger for my stomach. Then, I woke up and had about 3 books across my bed on nutritional healing, Naturopathic stuff, and healing with food. I grabbed the first one and opened up randomly and it went right to a section about ginger for stomach pain. I thanked God that this was what I came to, because I had just been wondering if I should eat more ginger.
And I landed right on the section for ginger, in a book called "Healing With Food" by Janet Carper, former CNN correspondent and she lives in D.C. and Florida it says. It said that eating ginger is good for both stomach and migraine so I sliced off more pieces, and chewed it up raw. And I also read rice is good so I ate some basmati rice with salt only and it seemed to help a little.

The other thing that happened, was that a few days ago, I was playing this movie about kidnapping "The Clearing" and thinking about kidnappings and then that night before I went to bed I turned to read something in my Bible and it was about this man who was released from a prison and then put in charge of a kingdom, after something like 20 years. A name that starts with a "J" but I'd have to look it up again. It was a short section about a lesser-known person. It talked about his release when a new ruler came to power.

I've had a few things happen like this which is just coincidence but nice to have happen when you're looking for something along the same lines.
In general, I'm feeling much better and not being tortured all over the place as I was previously. Seriously. The headache and stomach pain were, I think, from natural reasons and it wasn't anything extreme.

I believe some of the meds and drugs I've been doped up on are wearing off, but I had wondered if I got something else right before I got to this other area, because a rash I had went away and I've been feeling like I'm pregnant ever since. Eating a lot more but still thin and not gaining a ton, and sore chest and larger ? chest. It's maybe because I'm eating a lot more dairy food again, like cheese and milk, which I didn't have the luxury of doing before. I suddenly got "feeling" back in parts of my body too. I'm not kidding. It was like I was numb.

Emotionally, I still feel somewhat numb so I'm trying to figure out why, but some things that were wrong with my body are starting to correct. I'm losing the ugliness a little too. Some of the torture and crap I was dosed with, was like knocking me over the head with the Hammer Of Ugly.

I'm seriously and strongly questioning how any of these things that have been going on, are legal in any way, shape, or form, and why should my son and I be punished over non-consensual experimentation along the lines of "Extreme Measures"?

It's not my fault, and it's not my son's fault. My last several years have been a waste of suffering, and to benefit whom?

Anyway, I was getting a sad vibe for several days until maybe last Thursday or Friday and then it changed for the better. Maybe earlier than that. It felt like something was very down or heavy but I didn't know what it was about and it wasn't me, it was something else. When I was writing the french posts most recently, I felt it then. Sadness and heaviness and then it lifted, like someone else's mood improved. For all I know, it was my brother. He was able to see a U2 concert recently. I think some other concerts as well, which I'm glad about because he loves music.
I heard a couple of classical pieces I liked recently. One was Symphony 3 (Eroica) by Beethoven, though I heard only part. I really liked it thought I wasn't sure if it was old classical or a modern invention--I guess I thought it wasn't totally original but I liked it, original or not. And a few days ago I heard something that I especially loved but I didn't catch the name, I only heard from the announcer that it was composed for the French courts or royalty. It had this whirling wind sound and it was with strings. Something with strings and it's the first time I thought, "these strings together sound just like an embodiment of the wind." It was sort of a windy backdrop and then a melody or whatever on the top of it. There was a lot of intricate piano in it.
Saw "The Rainmaker" last night, and I've seen it before but it's worth watching more than once. This time I saw it with new eyes and also noticed it was set in Tennessee. It's another movie, like "Extreme Measures", that everyone should see because it so accurately describes the insurance industry and the justice system.

I really believe, personally, there should be no caps to punitive damages. In this case, the actual damages award is in the thousands but the punitive damages are $500 million.

Punitive damages are one of the only ways to keep some of the corrupt businesses from allowing themselves the leisure of being corrupt. It is the only thing that has any "fear factor" because if someone loses something, a corrupt company might know the loss does not add up on paper to a very large monetary amount, but if they lied, robbed, destroyed evidence, or did all kinds of aggregious things, they know they are subject to the findings of a jury for punitive damages. And punitive damages are to punish wrongful conduct. Putting a cap on punitive damages, is like saying, "Yeah, play the odds, and if we lose, at least we know exactly how much we'll be losing and we won't be going bankrupt."

My Dad said, "Well, it affects everyone because then they raise rates and that affects everyone."

And I said, "Then that's where having a competitive market comes into play and the public has the right to take their business somewhere else, to a competitor that has lower rates."

And my Dad said, "They all raise rates together" (like gas companies). My thinking is that the larger companies and corporations get away with as much as they do because they do the very thing that will lead to punitive damages. Then! they get their lobbyists to take the sucker-punch out of punitive damages?!

It's always some claim about "rates will go up" and how this affects everyone--doctors, lawyers, the consumers...making the cost of insurance too expensive.

I say, those companies that do something aggregious deserve to be out of business, and if that's what it takes to send the strong message and put a little more fear and respect into the corporate "heart" (does it have one?), then LET them be bankrupt.

Why should I have to accept the idea that because of corruption by a company, all the innocent will suffer when they are punished? That's exactly the kind of idea that allows a plutocracy to be a plutocracy.

What it comes down to is restoring faith. If a company screws someone over so badly they should be forced to the bottom and have to work their way up to redeem themselves and restore the trust of the public. The public shouldn't be paying for their mistakes--THEY should pay for their mistakes.

If a company does not even have enough FAITH in itself to be hiring employees that have integrity, or to be running a good ship, they should not be in business at all. A sound company will not have to raise rates, because it will not live in fear of, essentially "getting caught for being corrupt." And why should the public be forced to choose between insurance companies that all jack up their rates together to be profitable? Why can't we select the insurance company that's smaller and maybe can't take as many clients but has better rates?

If I live in a flood zone, I might pay a good amount for flood insurance.

If I don't live in a flood zone, why would I pay for insurance for flooding?

If I am a business with integrity, why would I need to raise rates out of fear I could be destroyed by some kind of internal disaster?

So what's the idea? You can't keep an eye on everyone so you just buy insurance?

"Well, Jr. here is liable to fall down some stairs and I'm too busy watching dishes to pay attention so I'll just buy health insurance and take him to the doctor if he gets banged up."


What are the Supervisors doing? Watching NFL and eating popcorn?

Okay, I have to go now because I'm being ejected from blogging (off the computer) for the time-being.

I think the political philosophy, or economic principle, or whatever it is, is off-kilter and the American Public is being lied to.

wink, wink. And that's why insurance companies love me. You like me! You really like me!!!!
I started feeling a little down again, about the time I started writing about "The Rainmaker". Which maybe means something not good is going down.

Well there is bad news in the world today. I did pray the other night, for all countries and people who really care and try to do good. I prayed for everyone.

I started reading Brother's Karamazov and it's great.
My eyes were fine for 2 days and then I had leftover coffee here and now I have a droopy eye. Instead of making accusations falsely, I'm just going to drink my own stuff and eat my own food. I have someone saying it's maybe "allergies" and it's not. I don't have allergies. I'm still getting doped up somehow because around the time I got into town, my rash mysteriously cleared up and my boobs went up a cup size as well. Well, almost. And this droopy eye thing is only one of 2 things: reaction to meds or reaction to something else.

It should be easier to figure out while I'm in a more remote area.

I don't need any drugs, medications, or anything of any kind and if I ever find out who has been responsible for various things, I'll never be able to let it go. Ever.

My body and my brain are not to be controlled, or medicated I mean, by anyone except me. I will assume responsibility for what things go into my body and affect my mind. No one else can do this for me.

No comments: