Strong Tea Desired

I'm looking for earl grey tea this morning, on ebay and discounted. I don't mind Twinnings but I am trying to find anything except the light flavour strength. What's the point? I have to use 2-3 teabags just for normal strength. All the stores carry "light flavour strength" and I would be buying the strongest flavour and then using one teabag instead of 3 at once. I add milk or cream usually, not always, so I don't like a diluted cup.

Went back to my oatmeal again today as well.

I'm going to do a detox or cleansing program I think. I was looking up new ones last night. I think I want to try a milk thistle detox. That one kept coming up in my research so I think I'll try it, and then there are other ones I want to try as well.

I think I'm going to do milk thistle, and a liver detox, colon cleanse, there's a whole list. Sort of a whole body detox thing. If I have time at least, and if not, I will do a shortened version, while I can, safely. I've never tried milk thistle before, but it looks like the right one, and then some of the other things I've never tried but I think it would be a good idea.

I was kind of wondering what kind of "detox" it was for me to live on oatmeal and earl grey tea and water for over a month? I felt so much energy and I was thinking this morning, that while I intended it to be a moderated fast, it may have worked as a kind of detox as well, in specific way. The oatmeal probably flushed some things out and maybe the energizing properties were enhanced? the tea? I was raving about the tea and bergamot oil but I don't really know. Maybe I partially just felt better because I was getting a break from other things at the time as well.

My dream last night was that I met a woman who told me my ex had married and at first it was like it was her and right under my nose and then it was like she was afraid I'd think it was her and referred to someone else. Then I was just stuck in this loop of having to talk to her and be there until someone came into this large room and said to everyone there, "Okay, 200 push-ups and you're out of here." Some kind of official was going to release us and let us go after we did 200 push-ups. I thought, in my dream, "Are you kidding me?" and then they said, "It doesn't matter how you do them." So I decided I was doing them girl-style and still, 200 all at once was a lot.

I woke up early today, around 4:15 a.m. or so and was wide awake. I think it was when my dream ended, and I woke up. Then I went back to sleep and dreamed again. In both of my dreams, people kept asking for my signature, for me to sign things. Well, 2 different times, without really needing my signature, someone asked for one. In my second dream, I went to a place I've been to before in my dreams and I don't think it means it will "come to pass". I've just been there before. But in this dream, someone decided to give it a name and it was Bellevue. I was trying to take a train after I got out of this kind of military camp (continuation of my first dream) and then I got off and got onto one where a man was driving, and I found out he knew I was going the wrong way but he said nothing. There were a lot of people who knew and said nothing. But then I figured it out when I ended up at this exact same location I'd been to in a different dream, on the same cross-street of a woman's house that I'd stayed at before. In my dream I thought, "Well, I've been here before, so if I get stuck I guess I could ask her if I can stay the night again." But I didn't want to stay there so I asked the bus driver (mini-bus or shuttle) to take me back to the greyhound station. He said, "This doesn't go back there. You'll have to catch another bus and it doesn't come until ____." I thought, "He knew all along." So I said, "Well I need to go back to the station. Who owns this bus?" He said greyhound did. So I said, "Okay, so it should go back to the station at some point. And that's where I need to go." He didn't budge so I finally got out and went to a different station and I didn't want to wait so I went up to someone wearing a turban on their head in a taxi (the only taxi driver there). I said, "How much to get to the greyhound station?" She said, "Nine dollars." At first it looked like a man in a turban and then I saw that it was a woman with dark hair under the turban. So I was deciding between paying change for a bus that was going to take forever, or nine dollars for the taxi. She asked for my signature or name written down. Then I left and came back saying, "I'll split the ride with someone if anyone else needs to go to the greyhound." And then I woke up.
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So, just got back from church.

I'm wondering what the deal with the Amy Winehouse stuff is.

Yesterday at noon I was at the beach and then went to a restaurant with someone and I sensed (not from him) there was sadness somewhere and then it left as we drove back. Then this morning all morning there was. No laughing in church today.

I had in mind a color to wear this morning and went to borrow something but then I found other colors to choose from. I took several different colored shirts and tried them on and I liked this one that was red. Bright solid red and long sleeved. I liked the other ones too, but without my make up on, and on a dreary grey day, this was a cheery pick me up. So I said this, that I thought it was cheery and I wanted to wear a bright color. It wasn't what I had originally thought I'd wear. And then I noticed some kind of splatter stain, very faint, across the top and showed this and when it was dark it was even more noticeable. I said, it looks like something from coffee or something. I couldn't tell, but it was a splatter and you really could not see it unless you had up to the eye.

So I was told wash it and I said, "nah, no one will see and I'll just wear it." So I did and then I was sitting there in church and literally wondering why I had decided to wear red with a splatter stain across it (even if no one else knew) and hardly anyone else was wearing this. I thought, "Did I wear the wrong color?" or actually wondered if someone thought I had but I felt no, I had not. I liked it and I wore it. And that's that! But as I was wondering about the symbolism, I flipped to a section in a Bible that I had taken from the pew and it was Isaiah 63. I actually saw the other page first, or down farther and then I saw there was a folded page at the bottom. It was about who is this one that is wearing red? and why the splatter of blood? And it says, it is the Lord (not me, obviously, but maybe some symbolism there) and the Lord tried to find righteousness and could not find it. No one would help Him. He asked for help from among the nations and no one wanted to help. He had to support Himself and fight for righteousness with his own hand. And he was wearing crimson splattered with blood because of this.

I read this and thought it was so strange! I had been thinking of the very thing and then fell onto this passage as I wondered.

And then almost to the end of the service I sensed someone was tearing something and had this feeling to tear my jeans but of course I didn't. I thought this must mean someone is grieving. I wore my jeans that I had to sew up. It was last minute this morning bc they were torn again, and had 3 small holes and I got out a needle and thread at the last minute and sewed up 2 of the holes and then just left 1 because I didn't have time. And then I had this feeling to just tear this small hole that I had left, even larger. But of course I didn't and it wasn't a compulsion. It was more like someone out there was doing this and I sensed it. I sensed someone crying too, had a feeling of someone crying, a man, but almost more of a spiritual thing. I thought it was almost like Jesus or someone like an angel because it was a much larger impression than usual. Instead of "seeing" it in a small picture in my mind, it was movie screen size, of a face, and above me. But for all I know, someone was watching a movie? I don't know. It felt more spiritual, all of it, than anything.

So then after service I usually go to the back of the church to the fellowship hall and this time I went forward with my Dad and then they said they needed to figure something out on the stage for the choir and musicians. So I went onto the stage with my Dad and I was asked if I was going to sing in the choir. I said I didn't know, maybe.

And then we got back to the house and I read the news for the day. So many tragedies, so that's probably why some sadness. And then I saw this photo of Amy Winehouse and a tatoo on her arm that looked like a horseshoe and last night I had drawn a horseshoe symbol out and showed my parents when I was trying to explain that I had found something buried in the dirt that looked like a horseshoe shape. It was next to a zip lock bag filled with styrofoam or something. So I unearthed it when all I could see was a tiny bit of plastic, and I pulled it up from the ground and then I found this thing that was horseshoe shaped. I drew this on a paper I was using to write all my notes for detox and cleansing on it. I guess it just has notes about cleansing. It says to cut out caffeine, and lists chasteberry and other herbs for things. I guess finding out that someone used a nickname of "Cherry" for her was weird too, because yesterday I had said, in the afternoon, "I found a stash!" and I thought I had found a different bag (ziplocked bags) of dried cranberries for my mom and she said, "A stash?" and I said, "Yes, look! these are like your other cranberries that you like." and my mom said, "No, those are cherries." I said, "Cherries?" and she said, "Yeah, they're cherries." So I put them back into the drawer. I had only found them because I was looking for chocolate or something sweet.

I'm not saying any of this is symbolic, it's just a little coincidental. And odd, because I had been wondering, a few days ago, why the name Amy kept coming to mind. I didn't know which Amy and thought about it. I had typed it into something online and then erased it and wondered.

Anyway, just kind of interesting. I hoped everyone who lost people will have comfort.

My mom just came downstairs, and there is no computer upstairs and having no knowledge of what I was writing, she went right to the cherry drawer and pulled out the bag and said to me, "Did you get into these?" and I looked and said, "No! I put them back like you asked me to." She's saving them for something.

That's all for now. Maybe I should quit blogging pretty soon. I guess. I want my son back, by the way, and God agrees with me. And that's not taking the Lord's name in vain either. God knows.