Friday, July 1, 2011

Hi, I'm Backugan

I woke up this morning with a sad or weighty feeling, and thought, after not blogging for awhile, that I might blog a little, in case someone missed my writing.

I don't feel any need to blog anymore, as most of the blogging was tied to trying to get help or vent while being harassed and tortured (literally).

I'm not being tortured at all right now. I got away, basically, which sounds strange but it's true. I am not mentally ill and have never been. I've been pursued by people using technology, seriously, in the worst way. I was followed, tracked wherever I went, and targeted for being assaulted on a daily basis.

I am no longer being assaulted. Which, is not something I'd brag about, because that's backfired in the past, but here, there is much better surveillance I think, as it's easier to keep track of what's going on when the town is so extremely small and remote.

Thank you God, thank you God, and thank you to the good people out there, for this blessing.

When I took the bus from Nashville, TN to Knoxville, TN, I had a very bad feeling.

I don't know what it was, but I was so weirded out by the vibe I was getting, that I almost got off at every stop along the way. I sensed danger. I was afraid maybe we wouldn't make it there, or that something else was wrong. Aside from being tortured while on that trip, with technology, there was something else that I couldn't put my finger on, and it was not good. Then, I should have listened to my gut instinct, because I got there, and nothing good happened (to my knowledge at least).

It's hard to sense something isn't right but still tell yourself, intellectually, "I'm sure it will be fine." I was so afraid during that trip that I read my Bible and prayed and almost had a full-on panic attack (which I haven't had for years).

Then, I'm thankful to say, the trips I've taken by bus since then, have been full of better energy. My trip from Knoxville, TN to Dallas, TX, was right. No negative feelings or sense of danger or fear. It felt right even though I didn't know why. And for some reason, going further West, when I did, also felt right. And I am so happy to say that while there was a variety of kinds of people (race and faith) on the trips, I wasn't tortured at all and the energy felt good. There were 2 incidents at stops along the way when I had my cell phone in to be charged, but that was it. Nothing happened on the bus.

So right now I'm in a tiny place and wonder if not being tortured means I have to stay tucked away in the boonies. I really like larger cities and I haven't been to my large city yet, but right now, I feel very content and thankful to be in a safer environment, and my safety and peace from being tortured takes precedence over all other incentives right now.

I sense more positive energy again, as opposed to the weighty feeling I had before I started writing this post. So maybe this is reaching someone who it was intended to reach, people who care about me and hope I'm doing okay.

I've slept a lot. I thought I was going to spend a week praying and reading scripture and I'm so relieved to not be tortured and have a break that I've just slept, tried to put my mind on other things, and slacked on my praying and reading, though I think God understands.

I felt a lot of power while reading a section from Job yesterday morning. I read it and then I sang it, and it was the passage where Job speaks about "where can wisdom be found" and what can be compared to it? Not any of the jewels or material goods of the world and then it sums up with "fear of the Lord is wisdom and knowledge is understanding". I read it and then I sang it alone in a quiet place and all of a sudden, whoosh, felt the Holy Spirit. Sort of to where I was almost shaking.

Then this morning I didn't feel motivated to do anything much. I flipped to a section about Gideon and reflected on this. I think I do feel like Gideon because it says every single thing was taken from them. They would build something, and their enemy would come in and tear it down. They plowed fields, and the enemy came in and burned them and it was so bad that they had to hide where they were threshing their wheat or barley for their own bread because if anyone found out, the enemy would be there the very next day, taking even the flour from them. Over and over and over. Just being robbed...of everything, repeatedly and without any break.

But since I've been here I've thought about other things.

Some things have happened which are so remarkeable I don't feel like sharing and it has sort of widened my eyes in shock. What it means I don't know, but I'll keep it to myself for now.

Yesterday, I had one wide-eyed moment when I was cleaning up all this garbage with some people, and at the end, I was untying this ratty knit scarf that was knotted around a structure and I finally got it untied and then I threw it into the back of the pickup and what happened?

I froze and stared. And stared. And thought, "That was weird."

Instead of falling into the back of the pick-up as I'd tried to throw it in, it lashed out and one end reached forward and fell on the top of the cab instead of the back of the truck and with it's ends splayed out, just like in a scene from House of Flying Daggers.

Who am I?

I am a Ninja?

Anyway. Small things like that, which seem sort of funny, especially considering where I'm at now.

Another thing I think I can share, in part...

On the bus I prayed about something and then got off the bus to get coffee and it was a "wild card" cup that said, "Hole number on the bottom!" (missing the W for whole). So I looked underneath my machine dispensed cup to see what card number I got and it was 3 of clubs (a clover). And then next thing I knew the bus was traveling into "Shamrock county" where it was Shamrock this and Shamrock that. I tossed the cup into a wastebasket at a stop in one state and the next thing I knew, it was Shamrock stuff. Oh, and right after I got the cup, in a different state, the next signs were for a Shamrock place.

And while I was on the bus thinking of this card I had "Orion" (the constellation) come to mind and looked it up later and it's called "The Hunter" looked it up on wiki). I don't know much about constellations and their meanings but this was for 3 something or other and one of my relatives had just been talking about a favorite movie they'd seen, involving the triple crown (a horse movie, I think The Secretariat).

So it was sort of an interesting flow of ideas and creativity for a few hours and I wrote about it, by hand, into a journal. And then I had asked God that night, after picking out some eucalyptus leaves, and not looking or counting how many, I counted them out and I had 19 leaves to dry. So whimsically I prayed and asked God, "Will you show me to a verse with 19 in it that you want me to read?" and I opened the Bible randomly and it fell on 119:119. It fell on the page listed at the top as 119:119 but my eyes, truth be told, fell on the section of "Nun". However, 119 was on that same page and that's what I prayed for. It was a shock to actually get what I prayed for when it was so random.

So many things like this have happened, I can't record everything. But it's been interesting, to say the least.

Oh, I know I was thinking, while in the car on the way over, "What am I going to do over here? tame a wild baby deer?" and this idea of taming a baby deer came to my mind out of nowhere and then I arrived and found out there are 2 sets of mother with fawn. One has twins and one has just one baby deer. But no, I'm not taming them, though they slept in front of where I stayed the first night. It's nice to see them now and then and they're very fit and cute. Not naming them Freckles. I asked last night, "What would you name the twins?" and someone said, "Bambi and Bimbo". Nice. And then someone was talking about cutting down the eucalyptus tree and I said, "No you can't do that! it's one of the best trees..."

"It makes a mess."
"But you can't cut it down! It's a eucalyptus's leaves are for healing; it's a healing tree--you can't cut down a healing tree.."
"Watch me."

"Why do you want to cut it down?"
"We're going to make digeridoos out of it."

Anyway, I guess I don't really care when it comes down to it. I won't be staking out a post in the tree tops to save it.

I got a few new things. Just a couple of articles of clothing. One of my most suprising (to me) buys was a T-shirt of the Backugans. Well, first of all, at this one place, I picked out this one shirt and said, "I really like this color of blue" and was admiring it and held it first and then I discovered a baby and his mother were featured on a magazine at the checkout stand where I passed by. I didn't look hard, just noticed and thought, "I almost bought that jumper for myself, in a shirt design". But I set it aside after trying it on and found a dress with the same blue and cream and a little pink (coral) too. But in the middle of this, I tried on Cars tees, thinking of my son, and they were all small boys sizes. So then I found this Backugan tee and it was large and I held it up and the colors were great, so I tried it on and really loved it.

"Who are these guys anyway?" The Backugans? There was Chinese or Japanese characters that I couldn't read. I later found out it was Japanese but I said to the person with me, "I can't read the Chinese."

And then I added, "I don't know who they are, but they MUST be good guys." I stared at myself in the t-shirt, with these anime men throwing glowing balls out into the universe and thought, "I don't know why, but it's working for me."

I kept thinking to myself, "The first thing I want to do when I'm at a computer is find out who these Backugan characters are." I was thinking, of course, that I might be wearing a symbolic shirt. ;)

It said New Vestria something or other on it. So I tore the tag off and put it on over my tank top and wore it that day, with my red fleece over it and my jeans and tennis shoes.

Then, of all things, I get to this house and the person grabs a ball that was on the floor and says, "Watch."

They were going to throw it on the floor for the dog to catch. So the dog was getting excited and the ball was thrown and when it hit the floor, it lit up like electric, like the balls I had on my t-shirt.

They said, "The dog just pulled this out of the toybox this morning."
I said, "Great. You have a psychic dog?"

"The dog had a premonition that I was going to pick out this t-shirt today?" and thought, "Or does this mean I have the same taste as the dog?" as someone else echoed this thought out loud.

All the way home, I felt like a kid when I wore it and I was looking down on my t-shirt and studying the characters, and saying, "I feel like Oliver, or a kid, when someone says 'I like your t-shirt' and they look down at it and pull it out from their chest and start pointing out all the characters on it."

Yeah, and then I witness how it was the dog's pick of the day. That ball flashing up and down across the floor and the dog prancing to get it as I stare at the 2 balls on the floor. One lit up and the other one didn't. The dog liked the light up balls.

It has 3 male characters on it, all throwing balls. The one with brown hair with the red jacket, the next has black hair with purple and green jacket, and one with grey hair and purple jacket.

I also got a watch for $3 and it was a lucky rabbit one and I just got it bc it was in the kid's section and on clearance and I need something more reliable than my cell phone (which switches all the time, to wrong timezones and times).

I'll be writing less online but I wanted to let some know I'm okay and safe right now.

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