Angry

I like this song by Chris Thile, "If the Sea Was Whiskey".

After Exxon called, I told him I wanted to talk to him tonight. He was still telling me he just wanted to work in MD to pay some things off and was talking about marriage still. Then I get the whole "count" stuff and this whole thing is striking me as one sick mind game.

I talked to Granny and said I felt there was more to discover and mystery still. She said, "Just get away from all these weirdos." I told her about the strange name similarity with Alvaro and the Count, and some things that were brought up about royalty and all these things he pulled in MD. I said, maybe if this was the explanation, it would at least make some sense, but other things don't make sense at all.

Granny said it was about self respect and who cares what he does and who he is when he wasn't honest. Prince or no prince. So I said I at least wanted to know motive.

I miss him but I miss someone else too.

I have wondered if someone were behind...I don't know, a whiskey drinker behind some of this. I have my reasons for thinking so. My parents are still completely naive. They have accused me of being "paranoid" for bringing up CIA stuff. I don't think they get it, that I knew people who were in the CIA in D.C. and that there is even retired CIA in Wenatchee from what I hear.

I don't like the games at all. I don't like the set ups where there have been set ups, and I don't like the mystery either. Concealing oneself, if anyone has done this, is close enough to fraud to me, and it's unfair. Not to mention, if there was a prince in this, it wasn't becoming behavior.

I have some images to write tonight but I still haven't been able to upload my son's stuff. I went to a park by the river today and laid out in the sun and took a nap. I just wanted time to myself and to relax. Then I called a couple of women.

I had all these people staring at me this afternoon, and it wasn't my imagination. Maybe, if someone is reading my blog, they are thinking I was with some kind of prince or something. Why does it even matter? It doesn't matter--what matters is the truth and being honest. How does anyone get to know or understand another without this?