Thank you to God & shock (and James Holmes)

I would like to thank God for helping me find a few things in the photos. I was going to do more today and was exhausted and sort of depressed so I didn't. It was energizing to find some things, and then when I did, the shock of, "Yes, this really happened" hits and you think about your son (my son Oliver) and what your own country did to him, and it's just depression. On one hand, it's good, because I've known all along I'm not crazy and that we've been extraordinarily tortured. I am not exaggerating--the level of torture has been severe. So it's good to find some tangible evidence and realize, "I really am getting my son back", but it's also this plummeting into the "no going back" zone...the innocence is lost forever. The innocence of thinking, it has to be something else, when really, no. It's nothing else. This is the reality. This is the truth. It's the truth I've been saying is truth, while being called mentally ill, as others knew all along I wasn't mentally ill. So it should make me happy, and I am, but it's also extremely depressing. I slept about half of the day today because I was so tired and depressed. I have some photos that didn't upload right, or correctly, which show more things, and I wanted to do this, but I was too tired and depressed to do it. I did some research and then later tonight, I did braid my hair and get it up (which, for whatever reason, seems to help), but aside from saying how depressed I am, I need to say how thankful I am to God. I had no idea, yesterday, that I would find the things I did. I just put the CD in one day ago (or 2 days? but didn't really check the first day). I did all of my work finding little tool bars and how to filter things, yesterday and worked hard all day. I had an anatomy book next to me if I needed reference. I guess I'm shocked I really found some things. I have to give my thanks to God, because that morning, I sat down and closed my eyes and prayed, "God, please help me to go to the right places because I don't know how to do this. Please lead me to the right things and help me find these things." Then, of all things, it really happened. All in one day. 8 hours. I'm not even done yet, but for a first time look, I really believe God did help me. How else could I have done it? I think God was helping me. So thank you to God because the suffering has been indescribable. The last thing I played last night, after finding some things, was Nightwish's sun goes down. There was a great thunderstorm and rain here and I felt like embracing the storm. We had some sunny days, and then I was looking forward to the rainstorm. And then I thought to look up Luxembourg music because of what we've been through. So I found this, and a few other songs. It was strange because I felt a great peace after hearing the song, and then I went to bed. I read a little from my Bibles, just a verse or two. I tried to pray a little bit until I fell asleep. How hopeless has this been. I don't know how many people can relate to a decade, or decades or torture and being put down. And then to become part-way used to it is more shocking. Someone once said that the worst part of going through trauma is when everything is resolved and goes back to normal. She said this is because once you're out of the fight or flight mode, even if things are good, you're then dealing with the set-in and realization of what happened, and you greive. What is even weirder, is that the day before I found these photos, I said out loud to my parents, "I'm getting Oliver back." It wasn't, "They need to return my son!" or "I want him back!" it was "I'm getting him back" and then I went to my house and thought, why was I able to say this and feel some kind of faith with it? Why should I think anything is going to change? what's different? nothing. So I wondered why in the world, I had this faith sneak up on me. Then, I went to bed and the next morning, not expecting anything really unusual, I prayed and started going through photos and then it just started to happen. Then today my mother said, this morning, "How are you trained to know how to read this?" and it's the same thing CPS threw at me but I did know, because I learned. I studied, and even if I didn't have a degree, I learned some things. I said, "I don't know how to read CTs, but I studied it and now that I've put it online, anyone in the world, any international doctor, can look at it and see what I'm saying is true. So it doesn't matter if a U.S. doctor tries to lie and say nothing is there or it's something else, or someone accuses me of not being able to read them--other doctors will see it and know." My mother said I could comfort myself with the thought I'd get Oliver back but it wouldn't happen. I said, "It has to happen. I just put up photos that prove the U.S. has been LYING????!!!. All of these other countries and citizens look at that, and it's not good for the U.S. They have to return my son or other countries have every reason they need to discredit this system or attack." I've been trying to get all my medical records for a long time, and I was obstructed from putting it into a public record because then I would have had to have my son returned, and that's without torture and implant evidence. I have always said, out loud, that I sort of know how to read x-rays and MRIs but not CTs. I've said I can sort of figure out x-rays and MRIs but the CTs are way beyond me and I have no clue. This was a true statement. So maybe this is why the doctors and CPS wanted everything in CT form, because in the past, I've been the one finding fractures or broken bones on my x-rays and MRIs when doctors said nothing was wrong. I went through the CD anyway yesterday, because we are tortured, I and my son are tortured, and I know that I have implants in my body. When I made the connection about being forced to work for semiconductor microchip employee Mary Del Balzo, and the incisions made in surgery in 1995 that had nothing to do with my neck, I realized, "oh my gosh. I really do have implants." This pushed me to look at the CTs whether or not I am trained. Here is another thing. Last night it went another few steps further. I had just read from this site about Magellen Research and about implants. A woman from Canada had written about how this person she knew was implanted and then when he became a whistleblower, he was tortured. So I went to this link she posted and saw some seriously twilight zone stuff. (But that's where I am now: I am no longer outside of the twilight zone, as a subject, I have entered the twilight zone, figuratively speaking) There were these globby gelatinous "implants" photographed that were taken out of someone in a surgery and then they went to court and everything. Some of the stuff, I looked at it, even with knowing I should be the last person to doubt such a claim, I thought it looked like jello or gak or other things, but then I could see actual tubes inside of it. The tubes were clear and so fine, and then embedded in all this other "stuff" that looked like muscle or tissue or blob, you could hardly even see it. The one that stood out the most was a cat cochlear implant. It was this clear, very thin tube. So that was something I knew was real. Then I realized, the other stuff, some of it, even if it looks like weird Hollywood make-up or like gag store fakes, it's actually real. That's when I realized, even if it doesn't look like anything that should be an "implant", that's how it is these days, almost completely indetectable and disguised so that anyone who makes this claim, is disregarded and laughed at. I looked up this guy who killed a bunch of people yesterday. I thought it was done today, because I didn't see the news until tonight and then noticed it was last night. I think it's notable that one of his papers was highlighted or mentioned in the news (I am referring to the James Egan Holmes murders). The middle name Egan is the same middle name one of the CIA directors had--William Egan Colby. This man is responsible for much of MK-Ultra and was in charge at the time of Gannon's murder (and yes, my unborn baby was assassinated by state-sponsored torture and murder bc all they had to do was track me through my implants). The name of this man's paper, and this a guy who studied neuroscience, was "Micro DNA Biomarkers" for the class "Biological basis of psychiatric and neurological disorders." This is so very close, in other words, as what I had discovered. He is talking about genetic microscopic DNA markers, and how this is a basis for psychiatric problems. However, look at how this country, my government, has treated me? They put microscopic implants into my body, torture me and my son, ...and this serves as their entire basis for slandering me and saying I have "psychiatric problems". This man is not the first scientist who has tried to send a message about illegal experimentation of human beings. It was only a few years ago, that a woman shot her colleagues who were engaging in this very work. And then there was the scientist who took a plane, and crashed it into a medical research building. It's a very small uprising. He chose to kill people at the movie Rise of the Dark Knight, because, I believe, he is signifying uprising. As long as people like me, get evidence out to the public, who have been lied to for over a DECADE? about torture of even babies and children, it is possible that the U.S. is going to incur eventual damages that far outweigh their perceived benefit to torturing their own citizens.