computer mix ups, poison, and Today (prayer) & Impressions

There have been some computer issues or I would have been online earlier.

I tried to go to the chapel early this morning but someone said the woman wasn't there. I think now that she was. But then, I was told she wasn't so I killed time that was really unnecessary.

I am sort of wondering about things I eat or drink again, because of my stomach cramping and then bleeding. So I am seriously thinking, since it has only happened when I've things to eat that others have given to me, it's something to do with that and has nothing to do with my natural body chemistry. I could eat anything from a store that's pre-packaged or whatever and always, zero reaction.

I was thinking about trying to find a doctor who has enough integrity and bravery to help me prove and diagnose how I've been poisoned.

I am not so interested in finding out who has done some of these things, as proving it's been done to me. Repeatedly. I asked many people from military agencies to help me, in the past, or special hospitals, and no one has or will. They've sent quite a lot of samples to people from Virginia (and elsewhere) in the past, but I need someone who is really objective and will start looking into things.

I then went to the chapel and felt much better. I opened to a few psalms and then I was praying and when I took the book of prayer again it was on common prayer and for "martyrs". I felt this applied to me. It is possible to be a martyr in death and also to be a living martyr and seeing this passage as well as thinking recently how many things have been done to me, I realized this fits. No one goes through this much persecution, poisoning, death threats, attempts, natural injuries, and then total harassment and isolation, and from many different kinds of religious or even non-religious, without this fitting.

Above the prayer for martyrs, I looked at how it said some things were prayed for depending on the saint of the day. So I was curious about saints, and this led me to check dates but then, to go to the book center to this section, and to look at the books someone laid out on the top shelf. The main one I was interested in was Theresa Avila but I didn't remember it as the Interior Castle, but rather as The Little Flower (which my Dad gave me once).

I only read the back of the Interior Castle, which listed a verse where she uses her own words along with the words of a scripture. It says the inner life is like a diamond that honed in such a way as to be an interior castle and that "in the father's house there are many mansions."

The tears fell and then I wiped them away, but I immediately thought about my son. The last letter I wrote to him (before I took this trip) referenced this same verse, as I wrote to him, "I am going to prepare a place for you" (and in my mind the rest of this was, "in my father's house are many mansions--if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself." (can't remember the reference but that's the verse). I put the book back and the shelf it was on was shelf "M" which also makes me think of the "M" necklace I gave him, for Mama or Mother. It's not important--I just noticed. What was interesting was the connection I got between my recognition of myself as some kind of living martyr (clearly) and then this letter I gave my son. I am not saying I'm a saint. I'm just saying I can recognize that I have suffered many things because of persecution and jealousy.

A few things have been MUCH better here, out of the area. I noticed this right away. Also someone quit doing some things yesterday or last night.

Yesterday I went to this other church after I had talked about the pastor from the former church and I was looking for a temp agency and when I got to this one church, which was also named Christ Church and was historic and old, and when I went to the back there was this cage made out of chain-link and it covered some kind of machine. But it was a huge cage and as I was there, a flock of pigeons flew by. When they did, one of them got stuck in the cage. So I stood there and it couldn't get out and then finally, it was able to free itself. It was this solo bird and I thought it was interesting.

That was right after 8 grey fighter jets went by overhead which seemed unusual. 4 went by with 1 to the left and 3 to the right, grouped, and then 4 came up after the one bird was freed.
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I asked today, to be free from some of the things a few have tried to set up against me. This is not in relation to the bird, because I thought it meant something else, for many people or even just one. I didn't think of it as pertaining to myself at all.

But then I know I shouldn't put stock in getting random things. It's not like praying and getting something really specific. But I did pray and asked to be led to some things randomly that would stand out to someone. As it turned out, it stood out to me. Because I know for a fact that it would be impossible for anyone to do something like this..what happened.

I decided to first go to this other section of the library and pull out any book. So it was random but I did pray first. I got Standard & Poors. I didn't know it was the stocks and bonds section of the library. I just felt directed there.

It was Standard & Poors Daily Stock Price (Second edition, Book 2): Banks, Insurance & Industrial, NASDAQ 2003. It was for April, May, June. I ended up in the industrial section. Specifically for something labled MDC.

I then got some impression of the word, "communism". I didn't know what it meant so I moved on.

Then I didn't look at what I pulled out next and it was Standard & Poors NYSE Volume 1: Daily Stock Price Record. 1990, Jan, Feb, March. Landed on "NW Pipeline LP/PFD $2.50"

I still had communism on my mind so I thought I might look it up but decided no. So I went to a different section which happened to be Brittanica and got book 25 (2010)which turned out to be "Number Prague". I landed on Sea of Okhotskoye More and then secondly Peter I the Great, and then landed right on pages about communism. Pg. 727, "Marx saw the need for a proletarian revolution in order to bring about Communism."

I read a little bit more and then put it away.

I thought it interesting that I got something about communism though and then a few minutes later, literally, I was reading about it. I am not for or against because I don't know the ideas, but I feel the group bullying against me is no different than communism. If it means to take a whole group and allow the groups' wishes over the human rights of an individual, I would say the practices against me and my son, by some larger groups are no different than communism. It fits the definition. And yet this is a capitalist society that values the individual rights or the individual supposedly. I think what is going on, is a kind of undercurrent of communism where some of those at the top or in the middle, try to persuade everyone else to follow a group-think model which will best benefit them and their agendas. I basically mean, social communism, not political.

I'm not sure why I got what I did but I was very upset and asked God for something to benefit MY own family and my son and I and even knowing that miracles don't seem to phaze anyone. I don't know if what I got has to do with adversaries, or something that fits perfectly into someone's life, or what. I do know the communism thing came up and it made me think about the connection to group behavior and ending up as some kind of living martyr. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I just now looked up MDC and they are a real estate group, among top 10 for house construction and loans. Some guy named Larry Mizel owns it. Then I looked up NW Pipeline and found it's also named (maybe later) Williams NW Pipeline (makes me think of Will Wagler I guess as he's the only NW Williams I know) and it is owned by the Williams Company. Their nasdaq number, I just read, is 37 and I opened up to page 307. Maybe it's nothing to do with this detail as much as just the books. I don't know. I know I found some kind of link to communism within minutes of thinking about it and wondering what it is about again.

It may be that everything I was pulling up was stuff that has some connection to being bad for me and my son. I know that my family has suffered and I know that I have really suffered unnecessarily and it is really wrong. This wouldn't have been possible if it were not for some kind of horrible group-think where one is not allowed to be an individual and have a life and is viewed as some part of a machine.

I want my son and I to be free from it. I also hope everything else in the world somehow straightens out but I really do.

The only impression I got was of Ronald Reagan. I got this idea when I was praying asking for something else that was significant, that he knew who I was. I have no clue why I would have this to mind. I would have been a kid when he was president. I don't know if I wrote him a letter but I don't think so...? I have only written one Prez before Obama and it was Bush. There was a report I sent to Obama. I have no clue how or why Reagan would know me, about me, or have heard of me. I got a Presidential Physical Fitness Award when I was 13 or younger but that's about it and I don't think the presidents are directly involved with that. I don't know. I just asked God for something big and got this idea that Reagan had known of me or about me in some way. Which is weirder than Bush knowing about me bc I at least sent a card one time, something very simple, to him. One of the Bushes, I should add. How Reagan knew about me, I've no clue. I got the fitness award and was scoring really high in CAT tests, which shocked my private school teachers bc I never did homework and goofed off. I can't think of any records that would be about me that a President would know of. I just asked for some things, again, in the hope of getting my son back. I told God, "I don't usually get anything unless I am specific but I need something, at least in general, without someone interfering with what I get".

Still wondering about the toilet paper...if anyone has toilet paper with the design I saw or if that has to do with House Ethics fabrics or something.
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I also had something come to mind about someone who knew about a murder and wanted to exhume the body. Maybe not for the first time. Something about a murder and a discussion about exhuming. Sometime between 9-10 a.m. is when I picked up on this but I don't know who was discussing this and I also don't know what it's about. I don't know if that is local, overseas, or in another part of this country. I just got some words like "murder" and "exhume" so I guessed someone might be thinking or talking about doing this for some reason, in some case.
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The other thing was that yesterday some group had mentioned my parent's first child, Gannon, who died when he quit breathing and then last night I was at this service where someone announced to everyone that one of the members' kids had died that morning, when it quit breathing, and the child was 4 years old.

I thought this was a little odd, but I don't know if someone was just trying to upset my family.

I know that my family needs serious protection.

Yesterday, by last night, some technology things died down and were better. Everyone slept well too, it seemed. The service was about being delivered from the fiery furnace like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.