Looking Up

A few things possibly looking up.

For lack of food, and having a cough, I feel really good. I have this cough, but energy-wise, I feel fantastic. I've forgotten a few things here and there, like an absent-minded professor, but I have been medicated and had other things happen as well, including a lot on my mind, so I don't think it's an issue.

I am still sort of doing the fast. I had a little more to eat the last couple of days because I've been sick.

Yesterday I had dintymore beef stew, a package of granola, and one 99 cent Wendy's hamburger. Lots of tea. The day before I had (I think) tuna with crackers (small size) a whole pint of organic egg-nog, and that was it.

This morning I had a 55 cent hot dog for breakfast with my Earl Grey tea.

The day I drank the eggnog, I knew it wouldn't be good for the cough but I drank it anyway, all of it at once (Sunday before church) and I swear my skin looked 100% the next day. I figured it's still good because of the organic milk and the eggs in it (sulfur).

It's like the fast food fast! Earl Grey tea, water, liquids, and a few pieces of granola and a little fast food thrown in.

I went to church this morning for prayer but I have so much to do I prayed privately early and then left to look into work things and check the news.

Last night there was a short service which I really enjoyed and thenI chapel again. I liked the centering prayer thing I went to but it's usually in the evenings and I'd have to find maybe a ride to get back in time.

I believe I am going to get work very soon. I had a lot of doubts, the way things were going, but I believe I'm going to be hired either today, tomorrow...I don't know...very soon.

I found out about some options and have to make some calls today.
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Last night something must have been happening in the atmosphere because I cried and there was just this sadness, but it wasn't like I received different news. I didn't feel I was crying for myself either. Later, when I was reminded of my son I cried but earlier, it was something else. And then all night last night, hard to get into prayer, to find the connection and the woman next to me left, in chapel, and I didn't blame her because something was vacant. Something "felt" that way to me. And then this morning in church, I tried to pray and sort of felt connection but something vacant still. Something missing this morning.

In that situation, there are 2 options. Either pray more, longer, and harder, until you have a breakthrough, or just accept where it's at for the moment and move on to other things and come back to it. Today i moved on and will come back to it later.
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The night before last night was sort of interesting. I was lying down with my eyes closed and then sat up and 3 women were all focused and looking at me. All sitting up in beds staring and I sat up then too and looked at them.

I must have sensed eyes on me even lying down. I didn't know, and didn't think "3 women are sitting up staring at me"--it was just a subconcious natural instinct and then I saw why. I noticed I have this ability which is probably why my ancestors have made it this far. It must be some kind of hunter or psychic instinct. I thought, "This is probably how David stayed alive when he was being pursued in caves" but now, it's not necessary in the same way. It's a little different I guess.

It was the night of food images. I saw all kinds of great food and was thinking about things I like. I had been thinking at that moment about sauteed zucchini but then I was thinking about all kinds of food. Then we talked about fried bits of bread crumbs on it, and I thought about white peppercorn sauce with button mushrooms on NY sliced thin steaks, and then all kinds of mushrooms (I wanted to watch the food channel) and crab cakes and crab and lobster (maybe that was the night before..the crab or lobster or crayfish) and then roast beef with horseradish sauce and then I thought about it with plum sauce and asked if this is "done" because i would think usually plum sauce goes with duck but I thought of it with roast beef. Then borscht sounded good to me too, with my cold. And my mom's sour cream apple pie which sets up like a custard...is delicious. It's served hot or hot, but is good hot and I don't care for regular apple pie that much, but the sour cream version she makes is really good. I thought about the crab and lobster Saturday night I think and roast beef and duck and other foods on Sunday night. Last night I didn't think about anything because I had just had beef stew and I guess, not as much in the mood.

Last night I only saw tulle. But not for a woman's dress. At least I don't think so. It was a netting or tulle and had tiny little polka dots of light color and they were very small and sort of velvet in texture I think, on the tulle. In the minds eye, I mean, not as if it was literally in front of me, but I saw tulle and it wasn't plain white. It had little miniature polka dots on it. I want to say there is a word for it but it's not pointelle. They were tiny little pale green and pink dots but maybe there was something else there too.