this morning

I almost went to lemolos and will probably go there next but I stopped at a different sort of tucked in cafe. I have a small tension headache but it's not bad at all.

I felt pretty good and strong positive energy today. Last night too and probably yesterday. But today I felt pretty positive. This morning I remembered to pray before I started out the day but it was just 10 minutes. It still feels better to do this.

The first song I heard on the radio was U2s "One" which I really like.
*******************
I think I figured something out, a small thing, today, after reading a couple of article lines. Maybe, at least why I have picked up on a sad vibe with P. William. I didn't know he had people that close to him in the military, who passed away. So now it kind of makes sense to me. I didn't ask for anything about royals or dignitaries or presidents.

I prayed for someone to give me the information I need to get my son.

At different times I felt this with Harry too, but more William lately. In the photos, it looks like Harry is eating a little bit more agai where he was sttarting to look thinner. William looks a little bit thinner right now, from photos.

I was looking for something like a note by Harry but I didn't see any. I guess he was doing a different kind of representation or honoring where he was. Maybe I'll go back...looked again at photos and don't see any of Harry but maybe he was featured first and then the others were, in the gallery.

I saw this cute little girl in a red slicker in one of the Harry photos. I thought, "Oh thank goodness I didn't post the one of me where it looks like the red jacket is a hood" I was going to joke about little red riding hood.

The other weird thing, was that I thought someone was doing a psychic rip off of my thoughts, and I was slightly pissed for a minute, because before I saw articles even mentioning something called "remembrance day" I had a poem that I had written in high school come to mind. So I thought, "What the HELL is going on!!!" because it starts out: 16 roses in remembrance of you, I lay upon the promise of love we once knew...

I hadn't thought about this poem that I wrote when I was 16, for a very long time and then the very next day, I saw a headline for "Remembrance Day" and thought who is putting who up to what. I had no idea why the remembrance poem came to mind unless maybe I intercepted a thought out there in the universe but then I was thinking...

Yes. sigh. I thought it was all about me.

No, I'm kidding, but I didn't know there is a traditional remembrance day, called by this name and I thought someone was playing a joke. I thought, "I was just thinking about my remembrance poem and now the very next day headlines about Harry going to some "Remembrance Day" event?!" And then there is Veterans Day for the U.S. but I hadn't been thinking about that either. This happened in close connection to the day I found one book "I Leapt Over A Wall" and then I see Fancy Pink Pants launching over walls with buddies. Not to mention the day I spent a half hour praying in the bathroom stall at McDonalds only to find out the same day Harry was hiding out in a bathroom stall, from a throng of admiring female fans. That was further back but was when I maybe first noticed strange timing and coincidence. I notice this with some other people too though.
*******************************
Today I had an impression of a man in a gray hooded sweatshirt and jeans. I had someone in mind at the time but I am not sure if it was this guy or not. It may have just been something from subconscious.

Last night I had a small impression of a couple of people from russian church, at bedtime, already in bed. One, more of a boy, lying on back with head on white pillow and smile or smirk on face. Then, a young man tossing and turning, mainly saw from the side. Sleeps on their side I think but kept changing and trying to sleep so thought maybe he is thinking about a lot of things. It was Vladdie Laddie or one of his brothers. I didn't know who. I didn't see the face and probably wouldn't know anyway because it's sometimes hard to tell them apart. But they sleep on their side, mainly. What I saw was not on back, and not fully on stomach really. Blankets all the way up and just sort of no colors because it was just darker in the room or that place--being nighttime. Arms folded under head or pillow I think, mainly. And someone else with a young woman, not sleeping. I didn't pray to see any of it but after the first one or two wondered.

I also thought I should have stayed after church to talk to the visitors from Ephrata because they might have known the Maiers, my old childhood friends. They went to Ephrata schools and it's a small town, so I thought it's possible they would know some people I know.
**************
This morning I also prayed for my family. For my parents and others and for no one to be held to burdens.
*********************
I guess I'll try a quick analsis of the handwriting or my first impression. I don't know that much about handwriting stuff though. I just intuit it and I read a few things I remember, but not that much.

For me, the most striking moment I ever had, in seeing handwriting, was the first time I looked at Princess Diana's writing. This was the first time I thought, Oh my gosh. She was incredibly smart. She was highly intelligent but she was portrayed as not being that sharp. And, she also downplayed to make others more comfortable I think. Then I read this article by her brother and saw how she felt inferior to him maybe bc he has such an academic tone but she was as smart, in her own way. I thought about him briefly when I kept running into Spencers and had someone after the other talking to me about attachment disorder and how their parents divorced at 5. Anyway.

The first impression with no forewarning for myself was confidence with Charles, and then when I next saw Williams writing, my heart went out. I think the handwriting says a lot but I was taken aback by it. Sort of an intake of breath (almost) reflex and then thinking.

This morning, I look again and wouldn't know where to start. Both reflect accomodation for writing a lot and being busy. So there are smart shortcuts in the penmanship for saving time.

I am looking at the one with Charles' writing first. I don't know what kind of pen and ink he used, but by the first stroke, he looks like he's still painting. The I looks like a fine tip watercolor paints stroke. So to me, his writing reflects his artistic nature and specifically evokes the painting (to me). Maybe he also first learned to write in another language too, when he was a child, like mainly english but a lot of roman numerals and some other languages and a combination of print and cursive and I only say bc of the combination of sharps and curves. The r's and m's are sharps and a kind of artistic, almost mathematical in the sense of architecture print and then there follows a curling b. It looks confident and determined, with the weight and was he naturally always on time and punctual or was he just trained to be that way out of duty and necessity? because his words run off the page which would maybe say to me this is someone for whom time and space are fluid. Maybe also would point to athletic interest or energy or always on the go. Painting takes a lot of time and focused concentration so maybe this balances the rushing around. When I see this I would then not think he meanders around on a horse, for leisurely trots around the farm, but goes pell-mell. I don't think the slant is rushed, it just went off the page so maybe resents being told to stay in the lines. I think his writing also reflects the small bit I have seen in his metamorphisis from some insecurity to feeling more comfortable in his own skin. His signature also looks large and comfortable. By his lines, he has a very good and trained eye that I think comes from art...learning how to write with balance or straight lines or a certain flow just reminds me of art but there is a sciencey or mathmatical sense to it too. I guess the t's just evoke economy more than making any kind of values statement. His peaks in his signature made me think more of spires in a cathedral or palace. So I looked up Chartres Cathedral and this sort of explains for me how the main line is more horizontal and loose in style and low and then his signature goes up in more dramatic spires here and there which makes me think of the contrast of the solid base of Chartres but with spires. I guess that's gothic. Probably, his signature, with the open spaces, and then a few letters more tightly held, could go along with the idea that he is generally quite open but very tight laced or reserved or possibly constrained in a few small areas. I think he could be cutting but also kind. Most of all, to me it looks like a watercolor. Look at the line under his name, straight out and balanced, a perfectly straight line and then underscored with this flowing line that says, "I want it THIS way! (but I'm willing to reconsider and let it go)". "YES!" and then, "Well, at least I think so." "I KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE--okay, I'm open to possibilities". I am going to RACE to her house! (or the event), and then I'll take the long way back and smell the roses as I wind through a plain of grass with a meandering stream. "I AM MAN!" and then "But every now and then I fully empathize with the plight of a woman." I am HARD! but please notice that I am also SOFT. This is the "I feel as comfortable in tight riding knickers as I do in my flyaway kilt". Probably pretty determined once his mind is made up. It looks friendly and like he was thinking friendly thoughts (for lack of a better phrase) when he wrote this.

Anything I say, is with a grain of salt and also, I know a lot of people who are able to write in different styles (including myself) and sometimes it depends on moods so this is just how it strikes me in this specific moment--not as a full character analysis of any kind.

The first main thing I saw with Williams, was sensitivity. Which he's probably been toughened up against, for having this trait.

I will take a break and come back to it later.

I was trying to find a larger photo of it bc I can't see the one from the monarchy site very well. I found a different one which had many more slight details. The one on the monarchy site, you cannot see, for example, the way the top part of the "r" in the first r, how it curls slightly and you can see this in the ones that are closer up. So I was looking and for awhile my search engine and computer were not allowing me to look any other articles up except for one which didn't have the photo. Instead of getting all of the options, I kept getting only 1. It was a military one, but just 1.

I don't know why they didn't put any of Harry up though, on the site. Because since I saw the ones of William and Charles, I thought they were all together but they were all at different locations. Maybe they had some of Harry earlier.

Anyway, I noticed the "r" because that was how I made my "r's" when I was younger, but I did it intentionally, bc I liked the way it looked. I think that was back in high school maybe--long time ago but I remember this detail.

One thing I thought, aside from sensitivity, was that something is hidden. I can't say exactly what--I don't know, but so many secrets or something secret and I don't know if it's put upon him by others, and something is forced, or that he has to be guarded naturally and is a private person. I need to see the larger one. Even though he is so relaxed and comfortable with people, laughing, in photos and in clips, I think he is unhappy about something or a combination of things. He seems much more trapped than Charles, in some regard. To me, his writing expresses a desire to be responsible and conform as is his duty, but being so pressured that either he knows or doesn't even know himself yet, how it has affected him. I also see more of the trauma in it--everyone suffers loss, but he may feel some losses more acutely or is maybe numb to it but something shows through a little bit. He makes me think of my son. It may be he doesn't feel this or notice, but something shapes the writing, for me.

It also crossed my mind that he wrote this with a hand that was not his naturally strong hand. I think it's in the feeling I had that something is not a full expression of himself or something is restrained, by choice or not.

I also think writing can be just for that particular moment, and also, people are always changing, even with moods, so I never make a guess as to the whole idea of a person.

I could look over the details better later when I see a larger photo. Right now, I have to check on some things for myself and my son and a trip and just a lot to do.