problems today with internet and maps

I cannot believe some of the things that are happening.

I end up in a better mood, trying to not dwell on things and to forgive and forget but it's out of control.

There is some kind of fear about me.

No one would spend so much time and trouble and use so many people, with regard to me alone, if there was not a very specific and crucial fear with some.

Of what, I'm not completely sure.

I tried to get a simple map and directions to a restaurant and someone or some group was deliberately changing the directions and maps. I even had addresses on the actual website for the restaurant changing.

I don't know this area, and when I get that much contradictory information, it is impossible to go anywhere or know where I'm going without reliable GPS.

I spent an HOUR almost, trying to map out and get simple directions for a place, and this is something that would usually take less than 5 minutes, but today, some group wanted to make it impossible. I went to the site for the place several times but a few things were changing there too so I was confused.

I followed the map point but then should have just gone with the restaurant address since I was there--however, almost all of the maps were saying it was in the heart of Vanderbilt U area so I thought this must be a new address or possibly a different branch or a street with similiar name. I tried both ways.

Then I went online and tried to call a few numbers and suddenly, temporary agencies with non-existant addresses and phone numbers were popping up. I was calling dead end numbers. I know information is always changing, but this was far bigger than usual. Or normal.

I would then call a few numbers even for consulates and they were not even real numbers or going anywhere. It's like these pages came up with numbers and yet they weren't real numbers.

Meanwhile, a ton of people were following me around as I tried to find this restaurant. I am now wondering if the lead to the restaurant was even legitimate or just a joke and waste of time. I went anyway, to do my part, and I would hope, hope, that it's not about misleading me, esp. since I met these men after church.

Some things I've not even written about yet...some of the very odd planned and staged harassment. For example, a group of about 8 people literally plotted around this place where I was walking back, to have a man and woman try to provoke me about my son, to remind me of him and mock me that I do not have him with me. That was 2 evenings ago and then while I was being stopped by a man on a bike who was totally poor and homeless, I saw he was coordinating what he was doing with these middle class persons, and then of all things, this woman drives by very slowly in a newer mercedes with tinted windows. She circled the place and waved off at all of them. ?! I am not kidding. She had plenty of money, and they were all there, spending time to deliberately cause me sadness and grief and to laugh and mock me over my own losses. And it was from homeless beggar, to young yuppie couple and their kid, and then this Gen. baby boomer group and then this woman driving around in her black mercedes, all on the same block, and all mocking me.

I thought this was really strange.

Then, for example, I just try to fill out an application and I can't do this without someone instructing the woman right next door to have my former supervisor's black pea coat on a chair with the same merino black scarf I wore from his room to work one day. It wasn't his things, but there was no one there, and just this clothing draped over one single chair and all the business people were in the back or in the back room. They wanted me to notice. Then the woman comes out and says it is only a temp agency for nurses.

I don't believe anyone would have known what his coat and that scarf looked like except for people in D.C. and why would someone play games over that, over here? It was intentional and deliberate.

Other things have been done at this shelter I have stayed at, basically using it like a hostel. I don't eat there, and only sleep there to save money. That's it. To me, it's a basic hostel gig + chapel.

But last night, a few of the staff were doing really mean things again. One day they had all this stuff laid out for me to see, items which were identical to specific things from the place in Wenatchee, Wa. I said, where did they get those things and who set them out on the table (where I would notice). I knew they weren't mine, but I still wondered what was going on. Then, last night, this woman refused to give me a Bible even though she had a bunch of used Bibles to hand out. She was a little younger than I am and this is supposed to be a christian funded place and she claims she is as well, and she refused to give me a Bible and then finally gave me something that was a NT Bible and smirked as she handed it to me. It said "The Hope Bible" on it. She told me, "All we have are New Testament Bibles tonight." Which wasn't true and I told her, "There are several Bibles for temporary use in the main office and in your bookcase" and she said, "Some of those are not mine to give out." Several were, and she was just wanting me to have the "Hope Bible". She was supposed to be, IS supposed to be, their "counselor". She spent her time lying and pretending she couldn't understand what I was asking for and then refusing to just be normal and give me a Bible. I guess it was her way of "smiting" me for saying what reservations I've had with some groups and the questions I have (rightly).

These are sheep people. They don't travel, all of them, and they don't know what's going on, but one would think, by the way so many of them have been given instruction to do certain things, that me and my personal life and all those associated with me were as public eye and known as a celebrities. It's not that they have anything against me really--they don't even know me. But who is directing this, is the group to question. There is something very "off" about it and no group would instruct so many people to harass me unless they were very afraid of me.

I have tried to find some who are independent and willing to be separate from some of this, but they are few and far between. Some of these people, they may be from groups opposed to this kind of thing but they might be easily bought, in this kind of time and economic situation.

Some of the nastiest things have been done and I just came here, in peace, to look for a little bit of work. I have people constructing some of the craziest and large-scale forms of harassment and intimidation that you can imagine.

Every time I turn a corner, it is some other act and some new incident.

To describe how grand-scale it is...the woman in the black mercedes with the group on the block harassing me about my son...this took up about a half hour of time and they had planned it out. The planning of it took much longer than a 1/2 hour and they were getting off on it. Like when the group of professionals at the library stole things from my bag and passed it off as something done by low-level people. Even one of the librarians knew about it. I caught him, winking at the guy who was supposed to be the one to deflect attention from those who really did it. It was a librarian, a group of normal looking professionals and then some gangster looking types. The officer came and said who did it and I said, "What do you think? The professional people passed it off to the low level people. That's the way it usually is, isn't it?"

The rich buying off the poor, to assuage their own fears and accomplish what they mean to accomplish.

What happened when I went to Bonner's Ferry was far worse. They had planned it for months and those involved were some hard and cold people.

What I witnessed there is what convinces me it is possible for large groups to keep quiet about even major crimes.

Which is something I don't get--with regard to my situation. Why would some of the same people who had their ancestors persecuted with large groups keeping quiet, turn around and do the very same thing?

I guess the Nazis got away with what they did by stirring up hate, fear, and propaganda and jealousy, and the idea that if some people were not stopped it would be bad for the others and their families and "society". How interesting that the very same concerns about ME have created this kind of chaos, and that the same groups with ancestors who were persecuted for these reasons, are willing to turn around and do the same thing to another and to allow it to happen, and keep their silence.

No one would be getting this much satisfaction out of following me around and keeping me down, unless they were afraid of me, or jealous and had a need to eliminate what it is in me that creates these emotions in them.

My mother wrote back that she didn't think I had really been medicated. I had to confirm it is true and it's not the first time. It has happened a lot, and this is, I think, one of the fears--that some group doesn't want the facts of what has been done to me and my son to get out. Some people know, but like those germans who "knew" where the Jews and gypsies and disabled were going but didn't want to say a word, they keep it to themselves. No one wants accounability. As long as they can do their hail hitlers, regardless of what religion and nationality or military background, and have their table set and keep their "rolfs" employed, they follow blindly.

But they think that I am the one who is blind.

I have seen more children, instructed and trained to do certain things or behave in a certain way and it's really sad to see. Most of all, seeing this from kids, and knowing they had to actually take lessons from adult assholes to do and say what they do and say, is very disturbing. From the yuppie middle-rich to the poor, I have seen it.

Some things are different here but it's just a desperate shift of power from NW to this side. Someone told me a lot of people who come into Nashville are from California and the NW so this must be how it is more quickly spread.

I wrote some things down.
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I have yet to find out who is going to help me prove what has happened, at least with medical evidence. I have evidence of lying and collusion through my medical records already. It is not hard to prove.

But with regard to torture, medications, and poisonings...I need someone who has no reason to be against me and no reason to play up to any particular party.

I want to prove it. If I have to pull out a tooth to have analzyed in another country, I will do it.

I am really tired of false leads for work too, just to have me waste time and go someplace where I won't be hired. Only a few have done this I think, but it is a waste of my time.

There have been many others who have been willing to consider employment for me, but it's just been a few who approach me and stand out, and then I waste my time on the few instead of going for what is really more likely.

I don't have a way to straighten this out until next week. I think next week will be better.