Dumped By An Experienced Latin Lover

There's nothing like being "sort of dumped", by a guy you didn't like very much to begin with but who was growing on you like a new hairstyle you could never love but began to tolerate.

He said his reason for changing suddenly from last night to this morning was "the questions." He thought I asked a lot of questions, and added, "...I don't know if it's because of your age, you're older, or what, but..." and I said nothing. He later brought this up and I suggested it might not be age, but a brain that's to blame.

I knew from the first I couldn't fall in love with him. He is startlingly good-looking and I was somewhat attracted, but when I asked him to imagine something one night, a singular object, and I would try to guess what it was (questions!!!), he first "thought" of singular objects. Then I couldn't, for the life of me, guess the third thing he was thinking of and he finally says he was imagining "lingerie". Okay. I wasn't put off by the genre of objects, but the fact that he'd thought of something that was plural and general: "lingerie". Like what? a bra? underwear? He said, "I don't know! just, lingerie." So then I was annoyed that he didn't "get it" and realized there might be a problem. Then I saw his favorite books: Star Wars novels. Then I asked him what his favorite movies are and I believe they included Battlestar Gallactiga (?) and Ernest Goes To Camp. He was/is 25 and he thought I was his age and I let him think whatever he wanted, refusing to say, until a week later. I've known him for almost a month and seen him everyday.

I've learned a lot about marijuana lingo though. They say you have to take the good with the bad, and I thought this was actually the best and most interesting part. That I got to learn about something I had zero experience with, and learn firsthand from die-hard professionals. I have never been around anyone who did pot, or at least around me, and so I watched. I've perused through the popular pot mag, "High Times", and heard all kinds of pot lingo. "Taking a toke", "cashed", and more. I had no idea there was a totally different language for the entire pot smoking sit-in. I remember when one guy cracked up laughing when I asked him if he had just taken "a puff of marijuana". That was on Day One or Two. On Day Two I think this "sort of now ex" said he "knew me". He later also said he wanted to live in isolation, away from society somewhere, which seemed odd, and that he believed the whole United States was coming to an end soon and he'd just received some insider info about it from an underground group. Now that I think about it, maybe this is part of the alleged paranoia effect sometimes stemming from pot? No, probably not.

To speak of the good, and what I saw in him at all, I would say his face and hair first. Black ponytail (short), and Mexican or Italian features. I later found out, half Mexican but he took after his Dad, who is Mexican. His broad shoulders. He's out of shape now, but not by much. And, it seemed he had a good heart and I still think he does. He has many good qualities. There were just these strange sticking points, where in conversation I felt we didn't match up or were not equals in the best sense of the word. I know he felt the same. So I withheld and then I think he changed his mind. I gave in a little, but to put it bluntly, I wouldn't go as far as he wanted to go, and has he been trying hard! I even asked him if he had a bet going at the office, or what? Ooops. Question. The best part was when he was pressuring me like someone in high school, and then pouting that "You don't like me". He even said, "I loooove you," and then quickly added, knowing I knew it was a scam, and I knew he was joking, "Just kidding."

The strange thing is, for all the things I didn't like about him, I was sort of starting to like him anyway. He was growing on me. I was annoyed, and questioned his motives, and even told him I didn't think we had a "connection"--we were attracted to eachother, but something was missing. He wasn't someone I could fall in love with or have fun with. Sometimes, we had a brief moment of clever and witty reparte, but it was brief. I sometimes thought I saw more, that there was more depth, or something hidden I couldn't get ahold of. He seemed to be exactly who he said he was, and, he was currently living with his mother...so...I would know right? But I've so often been wrong. I'm always waiting for the jack-in-the-box. Is it just this box? or is there something more? People are not one-dimensional...well, some more than others...but maybe it's that I was just wishing and hoping there was something more.

I kept looking for something else I could hold onto. Maybe he was more interesting than I thought. I kept my ears open for signs of intelligence. I kept my eyes open for shifting expressions. There were times that his eyes were fuller, and seemed to hold secrets. But I guess I was wrong.

I tested him on a lot of things. Maybe too much. Who wouldn't though, from where I'm coming from. He's into an illicit industry and I don't know, anymore, who is undercover and who is not and why I'm meeting the people I meet. He had worked for big marijuana farms in California & Arizona. He said he didn't do any traveling in the last year, but he had tickets from here to Chicago with a huge layover (well a few days) and then went to Nebraska, where he says he's from. He's been here only 5 years. He said he has a gun in storage in Omaha. He said he's only had 2 girlfriends and only with them 5 times, but that part didn't seem to add up. He made a quick excuse for that. He knew how much wattage almost anything electrical took. He was into photography. Then again, he had some posters of Yoda, and some kind of marijuana smurf. He said his Chinese zodiac fit him perfectly when it said he had many friends but was unlucky in marriage. He said he's never been married. The guy lives with his mom, right? So you'd think there's no mystery.

I think the only mystery is why I wanted so badly to believe he was something he's not. He wanted a relationship and to date and I told him I didn't want that, it wasn't a good time for me, and I had too many things going on. Then I just sort of settled into a weird undefined "other" relationship with him where I'm debating whether I'm just attracted to him or there could possibly be something else. I did ask a lot of questions. I think I was looking. But, even if there were other facets of his personality and life, I realize I saw enough. You either hit it off with someone or you don't. And after almost a month, you should know.

So, he was very upset with the idea I wouldn't have sex with him. I think he thought I could give him more worldly experience. I said I wasn't going to be a "ho" and I didn't even know him. He said, "I don't want you to be a ho for anyone either! ...I want you to be MY HO, and that's different." Then he was laughing. He said he didn't want a "one-night fling" but a "multiple, multiple, night fling". And when I said I thought I was saving it for marriage again, he said I couldn't do that because it was too late. He did like me at first, I could tell, but after I told him I didn't feel the same way, then he just wanted to fit in wherever he could, and I don't think he was happy with that, nor was I. We went out one night and he was very P.D.A. and I don't mind a little, but it was a little much. In the end, I asked him about different options and what he wanted from me exactly. That was today. He said he was pretty much done by saying he didn't want a relationship now either, but just casual relations. I wanted to test him so I asked if that was the case, could I also see other guys and he be okay with that? I was actually thinking of telling him later that I was beginning to like him in earnest and that my feelings had grown a bit. But then I wouldn't respond so much on the way home, to his attempt to hold my hand, a fleeting attempt, which I think he rethought himself, and then it was over. He was a jerk all day today besides, which was probably his immature way of telling me he was cutting the line. I didn't give him the experience he wanted, but something tells me he didn't need my help anyway. I kept my dignity and self-respect and so I walk away happy with the resolution. And, I do know there was a new phone number from another woman today, which probably opened his eyes to other possibilities.

He did give me something in return...He opened up my eyes to the pot & cocaine world. It does seem that a lot of his associates were ending up in jail for drug stuff after they were hanging out with him, but probably coincidence? I gained wordly experience from a guy who is younger. I swear on my mother's Bible, though, he was either with some undercover group or a kingpin. I kept hoping he was smarter than I gave him credit for. If he IS undercover or in with mafia, he is very, very, very, good. Good enough to keep me guessing. Or, he's an idiot and it's not an act.

I noticed some things. They were small things, but there were a lot of small things. Lots of info from others about drug stuff. Lots of trips to the convenience stores, gas stations, and other stores on the weekends. And he went from claiming he was going to start his own "business" in his house, to, at the end, telling me he wasn't even going to grow the one plant for "medicinal purposes". Darn. I missed out. I probably could have learned a lot more if I'd kept my big mouth shut. Not that I was going to tell anyone important about what I knew. I don't reveal names and all the details. I just wanted to know more, out of intellectual curiosity, the same stupid gift/fault that got me in trouble with my questions.

I need a job where I get to ask questions. LOTS of questions. This is not the first time I've been told I ask "too many questions". Any ideas??? Anyone??? (see, questions)

Well, D., I'll see you around, and I don't THINK you ever read my blog or know one exists, but if so, I hope this post isn't too bad. The kissing wasn't bad. There was a big improvement from the first time. Not bad at all, which is why I know I will genuinely miss you, even if it was too much too fast.

What I don't get, is why you never wanted me to do any of the drugs, but then look annoyed when I say tonight that I don't think I ever COULD because I don't like feeling out of control. "Boring..." is what M., your sidekick, said. I wonder if you could share that assessment with CPS and the rest of the world? It could help me, to be viewed in that light.

And Fate, it would be a good idea to send someone my way who doesn't mind being written about in a discreet manner. Or who will tell me what I cannot share with the entire freaking world, if there IS some big secret. And it would probably be in his best interest to enjoy being interrogated and analyzed. "You profile EVERYONE", said my "sort of now ex". I don't really profile per se, I just think people are interesting and want to know what makes them tick.

But yeah, ummm, I haven't even KISSED anyone for almost 3 years, so this is a bummer. Now I'm back to ground zero. And I have about zero chances of meeting anyone right now. Meeting him, the "ex", was due to a chance meeting at an Italian diner. Did I really screw this up? or, is the real question: Does he REALLY like Battlestar Gallactica?

I think I'm really rambling. Need to find some girlfriends over here. That was my first thought when I began to write this post. These guys think I'm a "talker" and D. said me on cocaine would be crazy and he made the chatty talking hand signal.

I can attest this was an improvement from the last guy who was interested in me, who only wanted one thing and one thing alone. To his credit, he didn't press his luck. I met him after I became a border toss. Funny thing is that THAT guy ALSO told me "don't ask questions!" after I'd asked his boss, who owns a Mexican restaurant, if it was a cover for a drug (cocaine) operation. I said it in a kidding way, but the boss went from married-and-looking to serious and closed-off in 2 seconds flat. As it turns out......Well...I just won't say.