The True Story of My Life #16 (Lorraine Rose, Rabbi's Wife)

I'm not sure Lorraine would appreciate being referred to as "The Rabbi's Wife". If anything, Emmanuel (her husband) should probably be referred to as "Lorraine's Husband".

Although the Roses, I found later, were not exactly honest with me and may have even wanted to get back or get even, I had some of the most fun working for their personalities.

Other people would come in (maintenance men, caterers) to work for Lorraine and ask me how in the world I put up with her, calling me a saint. I never said anything bad about her and simply said I liked her. I really did.

I saw photos of Lorraine when she was young. She was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She also lost her mother (and?), I believe, during the Holocaust and was sent with her sister to a protective camp in England. She was smart and ended up marrying a man who was a prominent Rabbi in Portland, Oregon, who also gave comments to national reporters. Some of her absent-minded sketches, of models, were quite good. She doodled on magazines ("W") while answering real estate calls. She was impatient and ended her phone calls without saying goodbye--she did this with almost everyone, which I, personally, loved (why waste time with "goodbye" and dawdling closures?). I loved the shock factor of Lorraine.

She was also slightly (?!) narcissistic. Most of the photos in the house were of her, or included her. She also made it somewhat known which of her children were in her good graces. She was especially close to Laura, and her son. My favorite photo, which cracked me up everytime I looked at it, was one of Lorraine in a dance leotard, next to her daughter in a similiar dance leotard, and Lorraine looked BETTER! It was sort of a lousy photo of Laura, but did Lorraine ever look HOTttt!

Then there was this photo of her son, Josh, where he's exposing his chest hair and sort-of netherhair, and I was always embarressed to see it, like, "TMI." This is a TMI photo. It greeted me everytime I came to work, in the side entry.

Rabbi Rose came into the house at a slower pace than Lorraine, who refused to give up high heels no matter what. He would come in, check the mail, grab a cookie, watch the news, and go downstairs to smoke and do whatever it was he did.

When I first met Lorraine, she looked at the names of people I'd worked for on a piece of paper, and said to Emmanuel, "Look at her nice handwriting" and pointed out a name from the list: "Kargman". She wasn't showing Emmanuel what nice handwriting I had, she wanted him to notice the Jewish name.

I sort of feel sorry for the Rose's, because I don't think they knew what they were getting into when they hired me. I noticed everything.

Lorraine said to me on the first day, "We are in the public eye," and she told me they needed someone to be discreet and basically, not to talk to people about them. She made a pretty big deal about this, going on about their prominence and I remember thinking, "Whatever. I've worked in Bedminster and this is supposed to be over my head?" I just nodded and smiled sweetly.

Not to say I wasn't sweet and who I was. At that time, I had a sincere interest in being a servant "for Jesus". I wanted to be willing to do whatever hideous thing I was asked to do, without complaint, and I did, (except for fishing out a jar of duck sauce marmalade from the bottom of a dumpster).

In a lot of ways, I felt Lorraine and I were kindred spirits. She was a strong woman and she didn't know it, but I was as well. I supported her, and enjoyed her quirks and demanding nature, even as I saw some of her kids roll their eyes and throw up their hands.

Lorraine was go-go-go, and then her sister came to visit from England. This was when I noticed a shift. Lorraine went from being the boss, to calming down and just relaxing. I figured it had something to do with her childhood bond with her sister. Her sister's presence had an effect on her that no one else did, a calming effect. Or maybe it was just that Lorraine was comfortable playing second fiddle to her sister, when she refused to do so with anyone else.

Lorraine showed me how to polish silver and do a bunch of other menial task for setting up large dinner parties and then told me one day I would be doing the same thing and someone would work for me. It was a nice thought, or gesture. Later, she asked me, "Why are you not married?!!!" and tried to introduce me to her son, Josh, who was on break up and spring break from Harvard. This was also a non-elitist gesture. Imagine the possibilities which were lost! Haha. At any rate, Josh wasn't interested after he couldn't get me to say anything intelligible. He was attracted to me, I noticed, but when he tried to talk to me, I asked him how he wanted his clothes dried and if he wanted them ironed or not. His interest in me lasted about 10 minutes.

Still, nice gesture and compliment from Lorraine. I really did stand up for her, to other "laborers" and even a few snoopy friends who wanted information which I wouldn't give. And I talked a lot about her to my friend, Halea, and laughed over her antics. Despite her faults, she was herself. I once, while helping with passover meal prep, felt compelled to give her a spontaneous kiss on the cheek. She had a surprised pleased look on her face. She was sort of a rascal, mother, secret kindred spirit, and exacting and manipulative employer, rolled into one for me.

I cleaned her house, organized her lipsticks and clothing, and did other general chores while listening to music. I didn't snoop through their things, although I once went through Josh's room, pulling out drawers for a look, and he also went through my bag at a later date. We were even.

I could say a lot about Lorraine, but I'll save it for the book, and write about the Rabbi and kids next.

One thing they didn't know was maybe how naive and innocent I was. I worked for them during the "Monica Lewinsky" scandal and they'd come in and watch clips of news and I didn't want to hear about it. I was a virgin and didn't even watch rated "R" movies and was bothered hearing about all the details. Lorraine snapped, "We're all adults here!" I thought, "Yeah, and you know a lot more about penises than I do!" I hadn't even seen one before and hearing about all this stuff was weird for me.

I remember, after refusing to watch movies, even PG-13 movies for awhile, I saw "Chocolate" and even felt uncomfortable with THAT! I had thought the scene with the woman washing her floor and then her husband getting turned on, was crass and explicit. This was because I didn't even own a TV during this time, and chose not to have one around, for many years. I wasn't used to seeing sensual images on television.

Another thing I noticed was that I had a sense of humor similiar to the Roses. We were watching extensive CNN coverage of these boxes in a van, the boxes contained the "Starr Report". CNN cameras were zooming in and out, focusing on the boxes in the van, for hours, and Rabbi Rose broke into spontaneous laughter at the same time I was thinking how ridiculous and funny this was. The DRAMA.

I heard more about their kids than I knew firsthand. I met all of them, and each was unique. Tonya was the lawyer and the most respectful of not taking advantage of me but also watched me like a hawk. Josh was the baby and only son, and got a free pass for a lot of things. If Lorraine didn't approve of his girlfriend, there was no way there would be a marriage. Melanie was the "black sheep" and yet possibly the most intellectual, in her own way. I heard a lot about Melanie from random people in town, and even in my neighborhood. I met one of her former roommates who said she'd told him she was hoping to get into the porn industry in CA and could she strip for him for practice? He said yes and I guess she got some practice, though I don't know she's been in films. When I showed up at the Rose's, there were wedding things all over the house, from a wedding Melanie cancelled last minute, to a cowboy of sorts. I still remember the Roses, towards the end, after a party, gathered in the study, this dark red room, talking like buddies and Melanie shouting, "STELL-AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Streetcart of Desire. Lorraine used to get upset that "Melanie ate all the cookies again."

They let me take flowers home and watched me. Towards the end, I think they were suspicious. I enrolled in college so maybe they were afraid I might have a brain. And then I found out they asked my roommate if "Cameo is really as sweet as she seems?" My roommate Halea said, "Of course not! I wouldn't be friends with her if she was!" I went through all of Josh's drawers. I read some notes and other things, during my breaks. His room had all kinds of cowboy memborabilia which I found interesting, so I was curious. When he was back from college once, my bag was in the bathroom downstairs and Josh had been downstairs, no one else. When I went to my bag, I saw that the contents had been rearranged. He was every bit as snoopy as me.

I prayed everyday before I went to work for them. I also prayed for myself, to do a good job and to be humble and a servant. I cleaned their toilets and did some discusting and humiliating chores, but tried to do it cheerfully.

At their parties, a couple of men paid quite a lot of attention to me but I found a way to displace their attentions. There was one in particular that seemed interested and it would have been very bad to send any message of encouragement whatever. I talked with him, but brushed it off too.

At that time, I was extremely modest. I wouldn't wear anything with a lower neckline, and usually wore pants. I had a good figure and was running then. I remember I ran out of white shirts and just had this shirt from high school with a slight V-neck dip in the center and had to wear it. It wasn't revealing in the least, but I felt uncomfortable.

I did some work for Laura and her family and reorganized her bathroom and closets. I mainly babysat for her. Her kids were some of the brightest I've ever babysat. I loved Zachary but I could tell Eliot was a major thinker. He was a deep thinker when he was 2! I found out when I tried talking to him like he was a little kid and he got upset. When I spoke to him with respect for his mind, as if he were an adult, and without condescending, he responded and brightened up. When Lorraine asked if I knew someone from my church who could work as a nanny for Laura, I thought of Halea. It was a good match and worked out for years.

Both Halea and I worked hard, felt underappreciated sometimes, but really cared for the families too.

I only got mad when I found out I was never "self-employed" and didn't fit any description for self employed, and yet I was being asked to pay my own taxes when I wasn't even allowed to set my own hours, take a second job ("I need you to be available to me" said Lorraine), and they did provided all the training and supplies. They should have been paying my taxes and I felt taken advantage of. After working in the mire as a servant, I was upset to find out. Especially to hear Lorraine tell her friends over the phone what a good bargain I was. I first called tax people to see if I could file just my share or do something without reporting, but they said no, and said I could pay it all myself. I know Penny would confirm what kind of arrangement the Roses had for their employees, and that she had recruited me and trained me to fit Lorraine's schedule.

Cheating on personal taxes is one thing, but this kind of cheating denied me the benefits of being self-employed, while taking more money out of my pocket for taxes. I felt it was like stealing because they were asking me to pay for SS that I shouldn't have to pay, and it would come out of my pocket, when they had refused to allow me to act as self-employed, even telling me I couldn't take other jobs if I wanted to, and that they didn't like my going to college because I wasn't as available for on-call things.

I found out later I'd talked to Jewish tax guys who probably knew the Roses. I also probably talked to the wrong people at the IRS. Finally, sick of always being a doormat and being submissive and never reporting things, I reported them. I don't think anything happened except that I made some enemies. After I was defamed by The Willamette Week, a newspaper in Oregon, I tried calling Rabbi Rose and he refused to return my calls, so he knew. I also wondered who actually owned the Willamette Week as there was a name "Rose" something or other, and the chief editor, I believe, was Jewish. It's a small town, that Portland.

I still don't have my tax return from that time. I worked for the Roses from _______ to ________ (will fill in later).

I don't like what the Roses did, but I have no personal hard feelings towards them. I am not trying to humiliate them, I'm just writing a truthful account of my life and this is a part of my background. Everything we go through makes us who we are today. I wish the Roses well, and I was very concerned to hear about Lorraine a few years back, and am glad she is okay. Not going to write about it here on this blog.