Jesus & Me: On Swearing

My current position on swearing:

Sometimes, there is no better exclamation point, or punctuation than a curse word.

The first time I ever said the "F-word" was when I was in first grade. When I found out it was a bad word, after repeating at home (heard it on the playground), I burst into tears. I still remember crying over it. I never said a "bad word" again until I was actually 25 or 26 years old. It was after what the monks of Mt. Angel Abbey did to me. It was the first time I ever had a need for another word beyond my vocabularly. The word was "Assholes".

Then, later in life, I approached the "F-word" once again. I probably didn't use it much until more recently. In the last year I think, and especially in the last couple of months.

I remember thinking the word "bitch" in my head when I was out of high school, and feeling really guilty about it.

Bad words included: bitch, ass, asshole, fuck, shit, and any word using "God" or "Jesus".

Then, when I got older, I suddenly realized that "not taking the Lord's name in vain" wasn't about not saying "God Damn" or "Jesus Christ!"

Taking the Lord's Name In Vain is when people use the name of God to further their own personal or political agendas, or cause. It is taking the Lord's name and combining it with one's (or mankind's) own vanity. It's when a leader says "God wills this!" or tells people God spoke to him and told him to kill a bunch of people. It's when a televangelist promises healing and financial blessings in return for money and tithe, and invoke the name of God to "bless these people" for their donations. It's when a church allows its leaders to sexually assault and abuse women and children and then attempts to silence the victims by telling them it will shame the reputation of Christ, and the priest, who is mouthpiece for Christ. It's when modern-day crusaders do things in the name of their church or "god" (God) against others, believing that they are expunging and purifying the world of sin or evil.

"In the name of the father, son, and the holy ghost"--it's a sprinkling of "holy water", or objects of the mass, to cover and cleanse others from sins committed against innocents, with assurance that God forgives what they've done even if they don't apologize to the victim or attempt to remedy the damage done.

Swearing, simple words...

Three years ago I heard a state employee cursing with every other word. There was hardly a word aside from a swear word out of his mouth. He wasn't even angry. That was simply his language. I objected, because I felt it was unprofessional and didn't want to listen to it.

Am I a hypocrite then, to later use swear words occasionally myself? I don't think so. I feel quite justified in my usage. Others are free to disagree. I believe actions speak louder than words. I know what has been done to me, and done to my son. I know what certain people have done to other women, and to children. If I fucking want to swear because it angers me, I will. It would be easier for Mr. Caballero to dismiss if this was coming from a man, wouldn't it? Would he have asked a man to refrain from using a swear word now and then? Perhaps he would, if he felt that man was beneath him, but were the man a judge or politician he supported, he would laugh and kiss that man's ass. Pardon my french.

(I haven't been to France yet. I'm sort of thinking my language is a little rough around the edges and that I could use some tips on ennunciation.)

So, swearing. I've come a long way baby. My once spotless mouth, has become a dirty mouth, on account of some monks, police, and lawyers. I used to say "I got street smart dealing with the monks". This is also when I learned what true hypocrisy was.

I picked up a few dirty words and yet my soul was cleaner and more honest than any of these catholic cats, who, by their constant harassment of me, led me to my current prejudice and wariness against them in general.

I used to believe "prejudice" was from ignorance. That's not true. Sometimes prejudice develops because of experiences. Those experiences may enable or disable someone from pre-judging what a type of person is like. After having so much damage done, and being in danger so long, from predominantly the same religious group and those who went along with it, my reaction is to be on-guard.

In my swearing, I imagine Jesus would stand up for me.

When Jesus stands in the middle of the courtyard, and I am on one side, and am bullied on the other side by a very large group which has thrown rocks at me for no other reason than to shut me up when I have something important to say, I don't think Jesus' attention is on me, standing my ground and yelling "Fuck You", after first crawling and crying and begging the group to stop.

Personally, I think my Jesus, having no tables to turn over at hand, would be in a major fist fight. I imagine the disciples would go in with Jesus, in my defense, and beat the living shit out of those they know have hurt me and my son, and known everything from beginning to end.

My Jesus would wear a T-shirt that said "Fuck You" and walk into the chapel of Mt. Angel Abbey, and the church that John Kaempf and Dick Whittemore go to, and face off.

After my Jesus told everyone what they had done to me, using the public mic, he would then tell my accusers and those who have persecuted me, that he forgave them, and offer them the Bread of Life... In a T-shirt that said "Fuck You", or "Fuck You Asshole".