No One Left To Speak Up For Me

Honestly, when I think about the groups I possibly could have upset, I don't know who would have done what happened with me and my son.

I do know that the actions taken by the Mt. Angel Abbey's attorneys amounted to harassment and illegal involvement of people they knew in the police.

I would have to say, since the car vandalisms began with them, that it's some party with them.

I probably made the Thebault's, in NJ, mad, and their friends mad, when I was writing about them. I've heard they might have connections to persons who are some kind of mafia in NY and NJ, but I don't know.

Because almost every single person who's done something awful has been Catholic, I question this, rightly I think.

I could think some medical person or group did this to cover for the medical malpractice/traumatic childbirth of me and my son, but most of those involved in really trying to disseminate incorrect info about me were also Catholic.

Similiarly, with the "state" and that department. The head who was directing a lot of Wenatchee's actions, came from Spokane, and she and her husband and his brother were high order Knights of Columbus.

I have sometimes wondered about some Jewish involvement, because I reported the Rabbi for some tax stuff, but I just can't imagine they would go so far. The paper, The Willamette Week, is, I believe, owned and headed up by a Jewish owner and editors, but I still have a hard time believing they would go after me. Almost all my bosses have been Jewish, and we've had good relations. If anything, I would think some of them would know how zealous and fanatical a fringe group of any religion can be, regardless of affiliation.

Dick Whittemore, the Abbey's main lawyer, used to live in the NJ area where the Thebaults are. The Thebault's sent their children to a private school run by the Benedictine Order, which is the same order Mt. Angel Abbey was from.

I really believe it is a party within the Catholic church. It is possible I could have angered someone else, or other group, but who would go to this extreme? I had mailboxes broken into more than once, my mail forwarding tampered with, vandalisms, all these things began with the Catholic church.

And I do not have a problem with regular people and members in the church, or even the IRA or whatever. I simply felt that at some point, the people who would best believe me, and that this happened, would be either side, from the Irish.

The Irish Troubles are real, and those people, Catholic AND Protestant, know how disinformation and slander can cause such hatred that it leads to the damages of even innocent people. They know, the Irish, how bad it can be. It happens too and they remember. Here, in the U.S., no one imagines such a thing is possible. It's more difficult to believe.

As for Russians, and Irish, and Germans, and Mexicans, and Americans, I don't care what the ethnicity is, I think what's happened sort of points to a religious commonality.

Unless it has something to do with drugs, which is always a big issue. I knew a few people who were dealing in cocaine, not personally, but had heard of them. But I met them, again, long after all this other stuff happened.

I told people, if this group was bold enough to make hits on my property and car and for things to disappear from my house and for me to have either my best friend acting as an informant or having my phone and house tapped--all things whih started wth the problems with the Abbey, they would be bold enough to cause me or my son bodily harm. One thing leads to another. People start out small, usually, and work their way up, as their strategies don't succeed or they become more incensed.

Why would I cover for an Irish Catholic priest? because I know there are good people out there. I do my best to try to feel them out and feel out their motives. I know, intellectually, that not everyone from this religion is my "enemy" or wishes to do harm. So, despite my PTSD, I reach within myself and offer up a simple offer of trust and very blind faith. I can see someone and hear what they're saying, but I still would have no way of knowing. I am still willing to take a risk, in order to protect someone else's interests and give them a benefit of a doubt.

On the other hand, there is no one left for me to trust.

No one has come forward. I have people turning on me left and right. People who I find out later, are attempting to set me up, and they do, and I find out too late.

I am for peace, not war, but I got into this "war" by trying to do the right thing. It could have been a group of Muslims I reported, or Jews, or Orthodox Greek--it could have been any group. It could have been a nasty and spiteful group of Protestants, and we have plenty of those. We have people from every backgroud, who are not exactly "good people" despite their protestations of having character and values and standards. I did what I thought was in the best interest of everyone, not just myself. I have paid for it and still pay for it.

Despite all of this, I do not, for one minute, regret my choices. I hope my son will follow his heart and his conscience, and not be afraid to do the right thing. To be wiser than I have been, but to learn from me and take strength too.

The priest I won't reveal or expose is Catholic. The guy from the other country was Catholic. The last two men I was semi-involved in were baptised Catholic even if they say they are not now. I took a chance, still, because I tried to see them for who they were, and not only base my judgments on my horrific experiences.

I wish someone would do that for me. I wish someone would have given me the benefit of a doubt, and tried to prevent these things from happening. I wish someone would have a change of heart and be able to see through the propaganda about me. How many people have read this blog, and who has actually offered any kind of practical assistance? who is in a position to do so?

I've got women who are catty as hell, who hate me just to hate me, and then men who hate me because I happen to be more of a man than they manage to be half the time.

I wish I knew where the strong and wise people are, who have been through this.

I have a hard time NOT believing some people in the U.S. government are not involved in what happened to me. For the simple reason that so many of the police who were willing to follow the orders of the Catholic church, rather than secular law, I wonder. It went from police to state police, to FBI, and I later found out, even involved individuals from New York FBI.

There is mafia. On one hand, I wish I knew which group would protect me, and which group I and my son could trust. My governtment hasn't protected me despite my appeals, and rather, has slandered me and stood by while all these things happened, just telling me, as they see vandalism after vandalism, to "move". How many times do I have to "move"? What happened to my son is partly the fault of the U.S. I warned them, more than once, that things were getting bad, and I tried to get help for the constant harassment and vandalisms. I even tried to find out about witness protection prior to what happened with my computers and electronics at our house. They did NOTHING. My son is permanently damaged as a result, and I am likely unable to have any children in the future because of the damage done to my own body.

I know they are few, but people who have been in the middle of such horrible things, there are people who believe me and know it happened. I just have to find them.

It's like living in Wenatchee vs living in D.C. In Wenatchee, they think someone is delusional if a person claims to know even one employee of the FBI. It's a huge deal, and the FBI or CIA is the stuff of movies and so far removed from their personal lives, it seems 30 times grander than it is. Then you move to a place like D.C., and no one blinks if you happen to know several people from not just the CIA, but embassies, NSA, and the Pentagon. It is no big deal and people are just people here, with interesting jobs. People understand, in this town, what kind of power moves around, and organizations are commonplace.

There are also people out there, who understand electromagnetic fields, and who are computer experts and know what would make it possible for someone to hack onto even a desktop that's never been online, and to cause battery operated toys to go off on their own. There are doctors who have experience dealing with those who have overexposure to these kinds of source. There are also psychologists who know there is nothing wrong with me and that I'm not delusional. There are lawyers who know what's happened in Wenatchee with my child dependency case is completely out of line and wrong.

But who has come forward to step up me or my son?

No one. Anyone who has the audacity to read what I write on this blog and imagines themself to be a friend...I question what kind of sympathy or "friendship" it is.

They want to read this and sympathize from afar. That's just not good enough. I have family, and "the state" (which only wants to obtain info to use against me), and former friends, and new "friends" who read this and do absolutely nothing.

Which makes me think of a saying I read from a Holocaust notecard I read recently, which was lying around in a former roommates room, poem by Martin Neimoller:

First they came for the Socialists, and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me, and there was no one left
to speak up for me.

A more direct translation of this Poem (1976 version)

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.


I did speak up, and I didn't discriminate or show favoritism to anyone. I spoke up when I felt it was right, regardless of someone's class, status, or affiliation. The reversal is that I spoke up, in the interest of the public in general, and not just a small and specific group that was trying to get away with wrongdoing, and these special interest groups used their power and influence to try to sway public opinion against me (hence a defamatory article was written about me).

To this day, if they can get the public, in general, and those in their groups who know nothing about me and haven't been involved, to believe I am a nutcase, they win.

What is sad, is what if the poet, who wrote the above poem, what if he DID speak up for all these other groups he mentioned? would this have saved him? No. I don't think so. One person, standing alone, very rarely makes a difference, I've come to believe.

It is nice to think that if you do the right thing, you will have friends and supporters standing up for you in the end. But the truth is, if you are objective, and report without discrimination, and anger more than one group, people will try to make you pay for it. They're not going to thank you for "speaking up". They're going to make note of you and go after you until you shut up, and if you don't shut up, they will find other ways to silence you, like trying to make your voice null and void by claiming it is not a voice of reason or sanity to begin with.

What can I say? Good luck? I suppose, all I have to say, is that one should speak up. One shouldn't assume, however, that people will do the favor in return, and speak up for you, even if you spoke up for them. By "speaking up" one is usually speaking AGAINST one group while supporting another. One is not simply speaking up to the wind, about nothing important. It's also speaking out.

I did speak up, and I have made use of my voice, and I've been trashed because of it.

If someone ever speaks up for me, I'd like to think they would be rewarded, or would have protection. But the more I think about it, why should anyone have this assurance? Look at what's happened to me. If someone is going to speak up, they should do it for one reason: because it's the right thing to do. Sometimes, people make friends by speaking up. But it depends upon what is being spoken about. What it comes down to, is if you are willing to do the right thing, despite possible consequences for doing so, alone.

Who wants to walk with me?

By the time someone figures out what the truth is, or is able to summon the courage to tell others what the truth is, I will be gone. It's already too late in many ways. I am still glad that I chose to speak up. On a number of things. This is the only reward I am able to guarantee anyone--that you will sleep well at night, and be at peace within yourself and with God, even if you are at war and at odds with everyone else.