Moving On (Coming Very Soon To A Theater Near You)

Well, I think I'm okay.

I thought I really might have an STD and was very upset, but I'm about 99% sure I don't. It was most likely the nicks from shaving because it's gone overnight. So there was nothing but nicks, where I'd shaved, and then nothing.

I don't think it was nuts to think I might have an STD though, because I thought, who knows, and blisters do supposedly break and look like cuts or whatever. So I was worried. I've always been negative and haven't had much cause for concern, being celibate most of my life, number 1, and then "safe", number 2, but was still worried.

Now, I think I can rely on the previous testing, that I'm fine, but I"m still going to double check. Should be fine.

If anything, thinking and believing I really did have something, put me right into the shoes of those who do. I can say, now, that if I met someone and fell in love, and they had something, I wouldn't be so quick to hold it against them. Things happen, and it doesn't make someone less of a person in any way. I was thinking about Romeo & Juliet and how some couples choose to be together even when one of them has AIDS. Not that this is what I'm looking for, obviously, not looking at all, but I can understand now.

I've always tested fine, and my blood has been donated well, and never had problems.

But who knows, maybe yesterday I had it and then I was cured by a miracle. Who knows. I just feel relieved but sobered up too.

I had a glass of wine last night, and I also had a last hurrah of sorts. I don't want it to be the last hurrah, but I really think I could try out a little abstinece and celibacy starting today. Also, for the sake of being "legal" I'm not going to smoke pot, but that means I will end up in ER next time around. I don't have anything else to either prevent or treat my migraines. It will also affect my work. I may have to find something that could do a halfway job, but I don't have insurance and don't really care to try state insurance again.

The celibacy and abstinence really works out well, this revelation, in the timeline of getting my son back. I have a handful of TTSOMLs to write, and then I'll be good to go. Then, I will even suddenly "realize" I must have just had a "nervous breakdown" . Yes, I'll even become hopeful about staying in the U.S. and going to law school, and "moving on" because, of course, the only thing to move on from, is my own "delusion", which I will necessarily accept as gospel. I foresee a lot of forgiveness coming down the pipe, too, in the form of kind apologetic letters and notes of thank you to all the good CPS people in Wenatchee who were only trying to look out for me and my son. I think I may even buy a large box of thank you notes today.
For some reason, I think the blog posts will become a little drier, and happier, and closer to one a day. No more poetry either. I foresee domestic goddess on the horizon, lending me her sceptor and crown. I think I may just end up having a full-on revelation that everybody was right and I was wrong, or even if they were wrong, I forgive everyone!

Oh MY GOSH. I am having a sudden urge to quit swearing too. SHIT. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME???????!!!!!!!!!!!!! I, em, have been thinking about going to church too. Egads. I may even join the choir.

I foresee a lot of poetry, if I still write poetry, about the dark going to light, and forgiveness (don henley style), and rebirth.

My motto: "Moving On"

Moving ON Baby. Choo-choooooo! GET on the TRAIN!

Which church should I go to? Can I take an informal poll? Would going to the Catholic church show full "moving on" capabilities? or would it be in better keeping to go to a Protestant church?

Now listening to "Forgiveness" by Don Henley

Wow. Very inspiring. Hmmm. Listening to this song, I find myself composing my thank you notes already. These are going to be the best thank you notes ever--something people can put in their file, along with their other stuff, to show what a good job they've been doing. I'm starting to think, too, that I've been the problem all along. I mean, really. Come on. How could I have that many problems with that many people unless it was just all about me and my own issues. Yes, I see acceptance on the horizon. Wow. I'm starting to think I really seduced all those men, besides. Yeah, they never did me any harm. I just wanted to blame them because maybe I wanted them to be my BOYfriend. Huh. Never thought of that before. Could be the root of the problem here. Ohmigosh, I'm even starting to realize, my son must have stopped talking because...this one will be tougher. Maybe because he suddenly realized, at age 1, that his mother was not like everyone else. I think this shocked him into silence.

I think I must have rendered my son speechless.

I think the Bairds are really great people too. Man, a hug is a hug. No one ever prevented me from leaving a room or an argument. I just didn't know how to handle a hug. Oh yeah, and no one is greedy either, and they all really love me so much. That spit was a love spat. I think the pushing must have been friendly jostling, which I misinterpreted.

Oh, and all that police profiling? Well, actually, it must just be that I turned into a crazy maniac driver one day and I needed constant surveillance, just to keep the rest of the public safe. By the way, those Wenatchee public defenders, and that Judge, well, they're really just doing their job. They're Greeeeaaaat. I need to write them apology notes too, and thank you notes, right after I finish reporting them to the Bar. But the point is, I feel the love train coming around the tracks. I'll let it pass me by a couple of times, but soon and very soon, I'm jumping on board.

Peace man.

You see, this is just the somewhat sarcastic phase that comes right before true and total acceptance. It's just the last brick before the wall comes down. I've been resisting this and just need to let it go, man. I can tell it's coming! I can see it! It's almost here!

I'm getting ready. I am definitely buying that box of thank you notes today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

You know, it must have something to do with the STD scare. It was a wake up call. Wake up to a new chance, a new life of love, tolerance, and again, forgiveness.

Moving On. Yes, it was all about me. I was wrong and I had a breakdown. Those days are almost at an end. A bright future is ahead! I am MOVING ON!

Now listening to "People Get Ready, There's A Train A-Coming" by Eva Cassidy.