Every Effort To Call My Son & The Agenda Of The Bairds

I waited all day, and was trying to call my son, at almost every hour today, to no avail. FIrst, the first 5 hours of the morning and afternoon, all I got was a busy signal. While I got the busy signal at my aunt's house, I called Granny to see if she knew what was going on, and she said my aunt and her daughter had stopped by to see her, but had not had my son with them. If someone was babysitting my son at my aunt's house, they did a lousy job, if that's who was on the phone for four-five fucking hours.

Then, I finally reached someone late in the afternoon, who told me they couldn't give out the phone number of where my son was, and they refused to TELL me where my son was, and only said he would be home between 8-9 p.m. their time, which is supposedly now past his bedtime.

I said I wanted to speak with him and that this was important for maintaining our bond, and they said to call back. So I called, before and after 8 p.m. their time, and all I got was an answering machine. THEN, I call again and it's BUSY again.

Since when do they not have call waiting?

I am completely sick of this crap. I can't imagine anyone in my family really believes my son will appreciate this when he's older. They think I don't document, if not here, elsewhere, everything they do? They think my son is going to THANK them in the future? for isolating his mother and trying to alienate her from him, for backing out on promises because of self-interest and greed, and fanaticism?

I think about my son every minute of the day. Today I bought him a "My Real Digital Camera" to send him by mail. Since he cannot speak, TO THIS DAY, like he used to, I figure at least he can point and click and enjoy taking photos of his adopted animals.

What's truly bizarre, is how my mother's side of the family has taken such an interest in my son NOW, after he was taken from me, when they showed zero interest in being a part of his life before, even when invited to be. They had to be persuaded to go to his first birthday party, and not ONE person has every sent my son a card or note, or present of ANY KIND except for a couple of things when he was first born. By a few relatives, and only a few. After that, they could care less about my son. Now, there is an almost fanatic interest in him. I question why and then I realize what it comes down to is guilt. They think they can make up for what they've done by abandoning me and my son, and helping his mother financially, with a lawyer, KNOWING the outcome would have been different, by spending time with my son to ease their own guilty consciences. At least a few hours here and there is certaintly CHEAPER than the cost of a lawyer.

My mother's side of the family is a bunch of wackos and everyone knows it. CPS uses them against me only for the purpose of having allegiance to cover their gross misconduct and mishandling of this entire matter. My mother's side of the family would be more than happy to have someone diagnose me as nuts or try to put me on medication, simply to excuse their own problems. One being, they threatened me to never tell police about my uncle Loren Baird assaulting me, physically. I never had anyone assault me physically, which legally constituted "assault" on the books, except for the time the one priest doused me with water purposefully. That was just with water though, when he tried using his "blessing stick" as a weapon of "mass disruption". The other times, were with my mother's family, who, after years of practicing corporal punishment on all the children, feel free to take it out on adults they don't like too. Two of my aunt's kids did things--one spit in my face and the other one shoved me around while I did nothing in return. The other time, the only other time, Loren physically assaulted me and held me without letting me go as I tried to leave the kitchen when he was trying to continue an argument I didn't want to continue. I tried walking out and he blocked the doorway and grabbed me and kept arguing, refusing to let me leave. He tried to reconstruct things with my grandjmother, who has alzheimers, as a witness: "Oh I was just givihg you a hug". No he wasn't, and I don't accept unwanted "hugs" either, that last for 5-10 minutes against my shouts to let me go. He only let me go after I said if he did not, I would go to police about it. So he tells my grandfather, who threatens me to never go to police. What good would that have done anyway, since the police were already all over my ass ever since I reported the monks and then especailly after reporting the FBI.

Everyone is claiming Loren wasn't trying to go after me or keep me from leaving, and yet, both my grandfather and grandmother watched, as on another occasion I was high on a hill, and he was yelling at me and I said something back, and he lunged forward and began to race up the hill towards me. At which point, noting his angry expression and imaging he was feeling a compulsion to give me another "hug", I turned around and began to run, and run I did, to their next door neighbor's house. The Bakens. Where another retired FBI guy lives, who moved there sometime after I first met the Abbey monks, which I remember, noting the date. He works as a P.I., partly retired and used to uncover mobsters, supposedly, in Las Vegas.

I used their phone to make a call because I needed to go someplace else that day...someplace where the family isn't nuttier than the trees in the orchard.

It is now 1:20 a.m., my time, and the phone is still ringing "busy". They had no intention of allowing me to speak with my son today. At all.

Not only that, they are not supervising him well because he lost the keys to the animal hospital I sent to him, and he wouldn't lose those keys in my care, because I would have been playing with him, or had him in the corner of my eye, and would have known where they went. They were lost for over a week. I almost had to buy new ones for him. He never lost his toys when he was with me.

I lost my own stuff, but not important things, and my son's toys and belongings were important to him and are important, and are therefore important to me.

Needless to say, after I threatened to go to police about my uncle, and tried, to no avail, and also told my aunt to be sure her kids kept their hands to themselves and their tempers in check or I would do the same there...well, between that and my mother's concealed hatred and jealousy of me, which she's always had, even when I was a little girl (it was no secret, even to my grandmother), they would like to blame my expose of THEM, on ME. So they will do whatever they can to make themselves sound better.

My mother has always been a bitch and I just never dared to call her as she is. She made no secret of the fact that she wished I'd been born a boy, after their firstborn was a boy and died, and I've been told how my birth helped "a little" but getting that BOY "helped a lot". Because boys are "sons" one should have their quiver full with. My father actually loved me, and paid attention to me, bringing home books for me to read, and presents, and being more moderate. Actually showing affection and reading bedtime stories and telling stories and listening. My mother got jealous. She cried when my father wrote a song for me and was jealous over that, complaining no one had ever written a song about HER. When she and my father almost divorced (his desire not hers) a few years ago, my mother was overheard by officers, yelling at me (it was their cell phone I was using, not mine) and being abusive, when I did nothing but try to placate her, and then she shot off a letter to me, an email, about how she didn't want to have contact anymore and didn't love me, but still cared about me "in a general way". THen she lied to heaven and hell about ever writing it to begin with, and I was threatening to expose her and show my father. SHe KNEW my Dad would freak out if he saw that email from her. At that time, I was the only one holding them together as I withdrew my support for my Dad leaving her, to his surprise, and said they should try to work things out. He listened to me, and did what he didn't want to do--stay with HER.

Later, I realize they're two peas in a pod anyway. Both of them are obsessed with money and are selfish. I am absolutely against horrid stereotypes, but my mother has been accused of being both "Jewish" and "Scottish" for her renowned "thrift". Yes, it's a bad stereotype, but when it comes to my mother, those images, I guess, from a lesser sort, arise. My mother was the type to eat a bag of M&M's in front of her kids and dole out 2 pieces to the kids, after they begged for a few, and then continued to eat the rest of the bag herself. The type that told her 11 year old daughter to get a job on a bike route, delivering newspapers, in the pouring rain, even, to a 70 person route, and going inside stranger's houses to collect money as they tell me what "pretty eyes" I have and I'm starting to get whistles when approached by cars from behind. Why have a paper route? Not because they couldn't afford to buy me clothing, but I guess every penny counts, because it was more money to spend on herself, and I was instructed, I was to pay for all my own things from that point on. It would have continued if my father hadn't intervened.

I remember going through their underwear drawers, wondering who the fuck I got my red hair from, and if I was adopted. My mother showed extreme favoritism to my brother, after making it known her first love was herself and her Harlequin Romance novels, which she shoved under the sofa in a vain attempt to hide her "quality" reading material. I may have been a virgin until I was 24, but I learned about heaving bosoms and "his manhood" at quite an early age, from my mother's reading materials.

I never found adoption documents. Just an old black and white photo of the firstborn son who died before I was born.

It's now 1:47 and the phone is still ringing busy.

They make absolutely zero effort at keeping my son connected to me. What they will find out, is that I will get my son back, through whatever artificial means necessary, and there is no one who will be able to keep me from making my own decisions about the best interests of my son, and we will be leaving them behind.

My son is not happy with them--he only puts on a show because he's worried someone will just disappear on him again. He was forced to "bond" with them, according to a former CPS worker who got refugee status in Canada, by his traumatic separation from me.

I am getting my son out of this country. I think for a split second that maybe someone will help, but they only want me to put on a show of helping myself, to make it easy on everybody else. No one is looking into anything that happened, or offering diagnostics which would prove what I've claimed is true. I have offended too many people to get anywhere, ever, in this country. Honestly, at this point, I'm open to talking to people from other countries.

If you think you have room in your hearts for me and my son, let me know. We will be wiling and able to travel.