Back To Celibacy & Alcohol Abstinence

I have decided, today, to commit back to celibacy until or unless I am in a very serious relationship, and only after the guy is tested for STDs first.

I guess some people have their scares. I've never had an STD in my life, and have been tested. I was tested recently too, but had a total scare when I felt stinging.

I didn't know what it was and looked, and freaked out because it looked like a little cut or something and I started thinking the worst, that some blister had burst, and then I realized, Oh! I had shaved. I had nicked myself.

So I was tested and fine and yet it makes me think--"Hmmm. Is it worth a lifetime?"

Hell no.

So, next time is with maybe the person I marry, if that is ever in the cards at any time.

Too bad, because I like sex, but I guess there are ways of getting around that. Will have to find a store. First time for everything.

Sort of woke me up today. Even with safety precautions, I don't want to take chances, and though I can still count them all on my fingers, I think I'm done now. Not that half of the time I even wanted it to begin with. But now, I'm done.

God give me the grace I need. Um, er, strength. Maybe that means I no longer drink too. Just to be on the safe side, given the vulnerable position it's put me in, in the past. Darn. I was starting to like white wine.

Maybe I'll just have a glass now and then, with dinner, in the safety of my house, or only when I'm with an old friend I know I can trust to look out for me.

Anyway, it's not like I can't do it. I've been celibate most of my life. I went to 24 and then had 3 years of celibacy, and then a couple of engagements, and assaults, and then I was celibate after I got pregnant, for another 2 1/2 years until I met someone in Washington after my son was taken from me. So, it's not like I don't know how to have self control. I didn't drink at all when I was with my son, contrary to CPS claims. I had a half glass of wine now and then, with some OTCs, to control pain, in my own house, and that was it. I didn't get drunk, and I didn't even drink when my son was awake, but only had a glass after he was in bed.

So, basically, fuck Wenatchee CPS and their absurd and slanderous claims. I think they were telling people I was a whore too, when I wasn't with anyone at all. Not to mention their claim I was drug seeking when I only took narcotics for migraine and for the severe pain I had after childbirth. I didn't abuse the narcotics, and I didn't use them for recreation. I had also never smoked pot in my life, but the hospital claimed to have a record that I did, when it was false.