TTSOML #87: Buffer

When I think about all my interactions with Christa, I think she passed on everything to someone else. There were times I think she hated me. That I crossed some kind of line, in her mind, but on the other hand, she was close enough to me, that I think she occasionally stood up for me.

She revealed to me how she knew Dick Whittemore, after the article was published by The Willamette Week.

She also, when I was in Washington, asked me if I was still having certain pangs. I told her I thought maybe I had cancer or something because of some stuff that was going on and the severe pain which I couldn't explain and she acted weird about it and then later asked me if it was gone. It WAS gone and it was as if she had known how to make it go.

She also, however, asked me nastily, after I think she knew I was onto her, asked me if I was having hot flashes. I believe it was her. Someone asked me if I was having hot flashes and I didn't know why but it was sinister. If something was being used which would affect fertility or cause such a thing, this would make sense. I may be able to recollect exactly who said this, with 100% accuracy, but right now I want to say it was Christa.

She also wanted to know if I had any psychological documentation, and asked me about this, when I was in Washington.

Something I always thought was odd was that Christa acted like one of my best friends, and had me sleep over and went out with me all the time, and got information from me about everything, and yet she didn't want me to take her picture. When I was in Oregon, after a night of dancing, I took out a camera and against her protestations, I took her photo.

Later, in Washington, when I told her I still had her photo on an undeveloped roll of film, along with photos taken of my son's head injuries, she wanted me to mail her my rolls of film, to New York City, where she'd moved, and she said she'd get them developed for me.

She also believed I was writing a book about the Abbey events and wanted me to mail her a copy, she said, so she could get it published for me, and do some editing on it.

I had bad feelings about both offers. She had never wanted her photo to be taken. Why not? And why the persistent interest in a book I might be writing?

Especially when I had already seen so many leaks occur after telling her, and only her, about things. After I told her about contacting someone from the Orange order, or trying to reach people who had experience with Protestant-Irish conflict, she wanted to know which room I and my son slept in, if it was near a window, and other things. After I moved with my son to a new location, we were more isolated, out in the country, and not in a neighborhood any longer. And this is when everything got really bad.

Some people wanted me to come out looking mentally ill and drug-addled so no one would ever believe me.

Christa, I know, had to be part of this. Too many things point to her involvement in one way or another. She also started getting strange and nasty towards the end, making weird comments about "apples" and wisecracks and insinuations, and she freaked out when I told her I'd looked up information on her boyfriend. She was very harsh and asked why I had looked him up. She acted worried. I told her I was just curious. I read an article he had written. Next time I went to the same site, he had written a new article, including some cliche phrase about apples-and-oranges, which I used with Christa a lot. She was saying things like, "What do you think about this title? "Apples In The Spring" and "Peaches In The Fall"?" She said she was going to write one book and then a sequel and she kept rubbing this up against me and I didn't know why. She offered these titles after I told her this guy I had been seeing, gave me a bunch of peaches as a present. Then, she was telling me she wanted to write a story about how a woman was gang-raped after she was pregnant and that while she was dying, she put her baby out on the side of the road for someone to pick up. And then how the child grows up not knowing who his mother is...Etc.

Just crazy weird stuff.

But I'm not going to say I didn't make her laugh, until she was unable to breathe. We laughed a lot, and I made her crack up more often than not. I think she liked me, but she was doing a job at the same time. I think she may have stood up for me some of the time, but when it came down to it, she was able to separate any emotional bond she may have had with me, to protect some of the other people she was working with, and to protect herself as well.

She didn't want me to remember when I had first met her either, at my church. She tried to say it was at an earlier date than it was, before I ever met the monks, or reported them. But she came after, not before. I knew her, and was in contact with her, for over 5 years. And she didn't want me to have a picture of her.

There is more about the leaks and things that pointed to her, but it will come out gradually, as I continue with the TTSOMLs.