TTSOML #131: Response To My Family

After I was released from jail, I saw what my "family" was made out of. I wanted nothing more to do with them. If you cannot rely on family in the worst of times, you simply cannot depend on them at all. I was always the one in my family to say sorry first, to apologize, even for things which were not my fault. I was tired of being so disappointed, my heart was always broken by the treatment of my family. After I was left to the devices of the "state", to rot, that was it. I was done. It is only by a very reluctant part inside of me that I allowed my parents back in, after the birth of my son.

I can REALLY say, now, after the absolute lack of support when my son was taken from me, there is ZERO chance of any reunion of any kind, with any of my family. I give Granny the only pardon. The rest, I and my son are better off without. They have done more harm than good. There is a whole lot more damaging things I could say about the family, but this should suffice. The fact that I don't have family support is not because I'm unworthy of it, but because, I think, they have always been unworthy of me. I give, give, give, and still gave, and cried, and cried, over their cruelty, abandonment, and heartless insensitivity, and after awhile, you have to let them go. Even if it's family.

The Mexican guys did more for me than my family. They knew there was nothing wrong with me and I lived with them for a couple of months. They rallied support for me, and wanted to bail me out themselves but didn't have enough money, and then, they told me, my grandfather discouraged them. Nacho Junior, Nacho's son, told me he'd asked my grandpa about me and was told I needed to stay in jail and that I was "paranoid schitzophrenic". I really do not think Nacho Jr. would make this up. He barely knew how to say "schitzo" much less the whole thing. And what would his motive be?

What they did do, that no one else did for me, was to send me about $150 through the jail so I could have money to buy snacks and other foods which were available only if you paid and ordered them. I was able to buy paper that way, and to buy snacks. None of the options were great, but I ate a lot of beef jerky sticks and chips. I didn't want sweets very much.

So, family is pretty much "NOT family". When you have religious wackos like the ones in mine, they are a liability to my own life, more than a help. They would think I got "hit on the head a little too hard" in my car wreck, or that I was mentally ill, simply because I wasn't also still the same religious fanatic I used to be, and because I speak my mind now (which I did up until Jr. High and then gave way to peer pressure to conform and transformed into sweet and stupid overnight). There is no "pill" and no "counseling" that will ever change my mind. They had many more than 3 strikes. And the last 3 strikes, were major, major, ones.