TTSOML #140: The Traumatic Delivery (You Decide)

Before I had contractions, I had gone for a visit to Stacey's offices. She wanted to induce me to fit her schedule. She told me it "would be a good time" if I had the baby on a particular day or two and said if she induced me, she could guarantee I would probably be her only patient, and that once the membrane is separated, which she said she could do, labor started reliably within a certain timeframe.

THEN, I thought it was just for her schedule, but now I question why she wanted it done at a specific time at the hospital. Was it because if something went wrong, the right people would be out of the way? And so Dr. Butler would be there to back her up? I wonder, because I'm not the only one who questions what happened there.

So I told her NO, I didn't want the membrane separated so she asked if she could just do a quick "look" and when she did, I believe she intentionally separated the membrane. I felt some pain, and then I began having contractions, and very, very, difficult contractions, within the timeframe she wanted.

I was having contractions which are more common when the membrane has been separated. I forget the technical term, but it's when you don't have just one and then time to breathe. You have one contraction on top of the other and no time to breathe. Typically, at least two hard contractions sitting right on top of eachother. They're also significantly more painful.

I had wanted to do a natural childbirth. I have migraines, and I'd heard it wouldn't be much worse than that, so I thought I could handle it. I know how to suffer well. I've had over a decade of migraines, broken my neck, my knee more than once, and my elbow and had other injuries besides.

I called the doula to let her know and she came over to my house.

She didn't want to go to the hospital until a specific time. I was already in heavy labor and having terrible contractions, and she was holding off until a specific time. I had several hours of contractions at my own house.

By the time I was at the hospital, the nurse sounded angry with the doula and told her I was having contractions much further together than what she'd told her. The nurse timed my contractions and was extremely sympathetic, telling me I was getting the worst kind, and it was rarer. Then my doula tried to tell her I'd only begun contractions a little bit ago, and that they hadn't been that bad until we got to the hospital, which wasn't true.

I was practically ready to start pushing when I got there. So then Stacey decides to show up.

I was pushing and pushing, and as much weight as I'd gained, I was still an athlete underneath it all. So I wasn't doing light pushing. What happened, is that I was made to push double the recommended time for pushing.

I reminded Stacey about my pelvis and I told her, it is not opening up enough for this. I need a c-section. Stacey ignored me and started telling me this was all in my head and that I wasn't really pushing.

I was harassed and badgered, for hours. I was told this was due to my sexual assault trauma and it was becoming an "issue". I was told I needed to "push past your own pain" and told, "Think about your BABY, not yourself". I told her I WAS thinking about my baby, and I WAS pushing. I had my feet up by the bar, and had tried everything. I told her the baby was stuck agaisnt the bone, and it wasn't my pushing that was to blame. They both still harassed me.

Stacey put her hands inside of me, and stretched on me, for an HOUR. For over an hour, she said she was just trying to "loosen" things up. She stetched so hard, I could feel the pain of that as much as contraction pain. She wasn't just stretching around the opening, but inside as well. Her hands were all the way in. Then, she says she can see the head. It was only the crown but after more hours of pushing, nothing. I knew my baby was not okay and neither was I. The baby's head was stuck against bone, not anything else. Stacey said to me, "I want you to look in this mirror to see what you're pushing for." I yelled, "I KNOW WHAT I"M PUSHING FOR!" She continued to harass me, making comments about how it was all in my head.

I yelled I wanted a doctor to come in. I told her for hours I needed a c-section and she wouldn't bring anyone in. So at the last minute, she looked nervous, and it was clear she didn't want a doctor in. I demanded it and she had this asian doctor come in, ONLY after I heard her outside the door, telling the Dr. it was almost there, but I wasn't really pushing and I had mental issues. So the woman comes in, not knowing about the history and how GYNs outside of Wenatchee said I could NOT have a normal vaginal delivery and would HAVE to have a c-section, and she sees the bit of head and told me it would do MORE damage to us now to try to do the c-section I'd been demanding for 5 hours.

During this time, I had a shot of Fenatyl which helped in the beginning. I later asked for the epidural but it didn't seem to help too much. Then, it was almost OUT, and I noticed and Stacey told me she was just going to let it run out and that I didn't need it.

I told her YES I did, and she wouldn't do aything. It just so happened that the anasthesiologist happened to come by, of her own accord, randomly, and I was in tears, and she looked at the epidural IV and snapped to Stacey, "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN OUT?!!!"

Stacey lied and said just a minute or two. So the anasthesiologist fixed it but it was still painful.

Finally, I knew my baby's life was in danger. The nurse started to get nervous and his heartrate was erratic and dropping. It was extremely irregular and then just going away. The nurse started to panic and I was amost passing out but still pushing. Stacey got a vaccum for a vaccum extraction and I pushed as hard as I could and as I did, I heard a loud POP before my baby came out. It wasn't the vaccum. I later found out, that sound was the sound of my tailbone breaking in order to allow my son's head to pass through.

I was hemmoraging all over the place. They couldn't stop the blood. Then Stacey sounded panicked for once, and admitted to the doula there was too much blood and that I was hemmoraging. I was torn all the way through, from vaginal opening to rectum. I didn't just have "4th degree tears" which tore the opening from the vaginal entrance to the rectum, I was torn inside the vaginal wall, through to the rectum. Stacey tried to stitch it up herself and I was still bleeding all over the place.

So she had to call for the same asian doctor, who was suprised when I could feel the prick of the needle. Stacey had told everyone I couldn't feel anything and that's why I wasn't pushing. But I couldn't see "down there" when she was using the needle, and yet I knew exactly when she was touching me. It took 3 shots of Fenatyl for me to be numb enough to not scream in pain. It was Fenatyl or a local. Mabye it was a local shot 3 times. I think that's what it was, because I had the Fenatyl besides, after it was over.

She had to stitch me up from the inside. Not just the outside. It was written down in the chart as "4th degree tears" and later changed to "3rd degree tears". It was changed after I refused to speak to Stacey after I gave her two last words: "You're fired." Actually, I think I went on, to say, "I TOLD you I needed a c-section,..and you harassed me and didn't listen to me." She wanted me to go with Dr. Butler and was nervous and I just said okay because he was already my doctor.

After the asian doctor stitched me up, Stacey sat down and turned to the doula and said, "I've never done that before." Done what?! I thought, "Torn the hell out of somebody and their baby?"

It wasn't just me who was injured. My son, who they'd thought was a girl initially, from ultrasound, had come out with a lusty cry, but you could tell he wasn't okay. When they put him in my arms, they pointed out his injured head, where there was bleeding over what they called "a bruise" and I was told he would definitely have jaundice because of it, because a baby's system cannot break down that amount of blood, which was also broken under the skin and possibly inside the brain, on its own. So they forewarned me his bilirubin levels would be high.

What they called a "bruise" wasn't a simple "bruise". It scabbed over, and my son had a scab on his head there, for THREE MONTHS, and he also had abnormally high bilirubin levels at 3 months of age, which Dr. Butler didn't want to test for, and I demanded. Interestingly, this record was missing from other select records that were missing when CPS claimed they didn't have certain medical records.