Another Weird Day

I mistakenly took 1/4 of a 10 mg. Valium. Thought I needed it this morning but I think it's not the thing for me. I was SO tired I had to take a nap and that's what happened the last times I've taken it. It's so weird bc I had it on the East Coast and didn't feel it affected me this way. I was given 15 tablets of 10 mg. and yet I counted them, and I got these on May 5, 2010, and I have 12+ left. The directions are to allow up to 1/2 or 1 per day but I have only taken 1/4 or a 1/3 at a time and it still really knocks me out. My body chemistry must be different somehow.

I've never been drug seeking though, and I am glad I findally got someone who was willing to help with what's worked a little in the past. I don't think I need it anymore. It just makes me too tired.

So I took a nap and then my body felt SO fatigued, when I woke up around 2, that I tried to walk over and get some things done and literally, I was so wiped out I stopped places I wouldn't have stopped at, simply because I was exhausted.

I felt I had to lie down a little so I went to the back of this old building and laid in the grass and read The New Yorker and here I was walking by it and then just decided I needed a break so I backtracked and there was an orange tabby cat there staring at me and then left. But just sitting there waiting. Then a bunch of pigeons, a white dove like I read about from the Grail stuff, and flying solo around me and then with a group, and THEN I hear this noise and it was, this is the weirdest thing--a phoenix. I do not know that they are even LOCAL to this area...? But I looked at the wing span and design and it wasn't a hawk and it made this peculiar noise or cry and was solo. It was very strange. There was a light on with a door opened up in the place and construction going on but I didn't go inside. I just read a couple of stories and articles and then I had to use the restroom at a furniture store and then I wanted a hamburger but I was too tired to walk to a fast food place for one.

I think I have to just quit the Valium.

I did have some interesting insights before I took a nap. One was another confirmation of something I've gotten before, but to keep private. I kept wondering how in the world this would come to pass but still thought.

Then I prayed for my son mainly. Just him and situations and then I asked if there WAS anyone I was supposed to be with, that God had in mind. I asked and scanned stuff mentally but I didn't get a real read on anything at all. And then, at the last minute, right before I fell asleep, I got a face. Right after praying this person would start coming to my mind and me to his.

But then I doubt it sort of because I thought, well maybe I just got that face because that person was thinking of something or someone projected it to me at that moment or it was for some OTHER person but this individual is connected. So I did see a face but I really felt like it might be just psychic stuff I was exchanging somehow and I don't feel it's trustworthy unless things really line up.

I also think there might be someone totally new for me so who knows. And I questioned it, and asked, "Is this the person? or was it just coincidental timing to get this person when really they are not right for me or wouldn't be and it's someone else I haven't thought of or don't know about?"

It really may be, I think, that for some reason it was just a flash for some other reason. Because I did really question it. It was sort of weird, coming after another impression I had, which I've had sort of before, but really, I am not putting much stock in it.

It would be interesting to know why I had this flash or what was going on with that person. I really feel it was probably more of a friendly thing and just a peek into an expression in real time, or in that moment.

It was just the face and not exact profile but more of a 1/3 profile or something where most of the face turned the other way but he was grinning. I think it might be connected to maybe someone else somehow or who knows.
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Also, this person give very big hugs from behind, friendly way,, to different people I think. In my dream, me there.

Also, remembered a bird coming to rest on my finger which was a bird that has come more than once.

I am looking at a lot of cool books, one called "Animal Speak" and it's interesting to me now because I feel fairly connected to animals.

I was drawn to one fashion magazine I've not explored (I don't think) in the past...Bon, and it's swedish. For some reason, it was behind the stacks and I picked it out. I like the cover--she reminds me of Catherine Deneauve.

Also read a book on crystals because I found this rose quartz and wondered about it and then picked up and kept a white quartz and had it in my pocket but maybe I put it in my bag. Held it in my hand for awhile. I also saw some very black stone which I almost picked up the other day and didn't but should have. I've always liked rocks but it's fun to learn about their meanings.****

I decided to play some music and get on your came to mind and i got U2s sexy boots. then i got "backhand" and looked for lyrics or a song relating and just randomly chose one bc nothing came up and it's from some band i've never heard of...the providence...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVbczzZPxcM