Visit With Oliver

I don't know who had him up so late last night, but my son had very dark circles under his eyes. He seemed fine once he was with me, but it was like someone brainwashed him to be stand-offish to me and I could tell it was par of something someone told him to do too.

If my parents were in town, as they said they were, they didn't bother to say hello or visit or anything. My son's eyes look like he's getting the burning stuff or technology thing again and I could see it on him.

I am always able to draw him out of stuff, but it was hard to see at first, bc it has nothing to do with him or his bond. What I found really strange, is that after I've said all this stuff about the monitor Anne, he is suddenly clinging to her like he's told to. If he only sees Anne for a couple of drives a week, and went from not even wanting her to look in his direction, to clinging to her legs and saying he wants ANNE to take him out, it's like she or someone close to her, told him to do this after I complained about things online on my blog. There is no other way, that in the course of just one week or two weeks, he goes from being afraid of her and not liking her, and here she is, putting his shoes on him backwards, to all of a sudden, clinging to her. It's weird. I think someone told him to act this way around her so she wasn't fired from being monitor, after he was afraid of her and he said she put his shoes on wrong and then blamed HIM, in my own son's presence.

All the stuffed animals were out of the room so I went out and asked that they all be brought back in. So I had every single one of them brought back into the room but some were missing and then there were some new ones too.

We went to the bathroom and spent some time there, with him playing and crawling around and then I had him wash his hands and do every part of the process by himself, on his own.

He seemed happy in general, when he was racing with me, and looked healthy, and we did high fives when we were racing past eachother. He said something about not having any t.v. if I brought 5 more milks. I don't know what he was trying to say.

I need to do some work or psychic work today because I really think the cat and bird thing is actually pretty cool, but it also indicates other things could be done or at play and I just want to be in control. I woke up on time, even though the housemate set the clock back 4 hours, I have an internal alarm that I can switch on and I can say the night before what time to wake and I will.

I have done this so often and then finally read about it in Sylvia Browne's book about "Phenomena" or something, because she writes about being able to tell ones consciousness what time to wake, before sleeping, and I guess it's some psychic thing and I didn't know this, but I can do it. I also read about children whose energy or anger can cause things to break down and for the first time ever I thought, this makes sense with what would happen when I was little, because every single time I was supposed to mow the lawn, I couldn't because it would break down and my parents always thought I did something purposefully and I didn't.

So I say this, because I woke up this morning and right into a cat that was just sitting there waiting for me. Then I ran into a black and yellow bird and just a lot of interesting bird stuff. Piegeons, robins, and don't want to go into detail.

I picked up books for him last minute, and was going to get a pegasaurus book since he likes them but didn't. So I just ran in and grabbed Aladdin, and a book about Natural disasters, which he thought was fascinating in part, and then 2 Choose Your Own Adventure books. I don't know if he's read them before though because he said he recognized the car one I read to him. But I don't know and only the library would know. It was a choose your own adventure with car races and it was between a nissan and a land rover and he chose land rover which ended up being British and all about a British expedition. It was an older chapter book but he liked it. His choices had us leaving or entering nairobi, with a partner named Eduardo, for a "rough road race" in a british land rover and trying to cross but then some guy with a british accent (ssaid the book) put out or pointed out a big roadblock and then we ended up with various mechanics and then at the end, meeting up with a Hank and Bill and then getting across and saving one guy's life, and the race being over but everyone alive and safe and ready to race again, I guess, plus one newly won recruit.

He likes the Choose Your Own Adventure books. He's only 4 but he likes the older chapter books too. He also wanted me to bring out all of the animals and have them talking, so I had them out, in pantomine and he had the cat and the cow jumping over the moon and and going to space and gave them all food to eat and I pulled him around on a great black bear I brought in from another room. He held onto it with his left hand, right in the middle, like he was holding onto the horn of a saddle. I don't know where he got this idea bc he hasn't been on a horse yet I don't think. He held a snack in his other hand but used his left hand for his stronger grip. Wait, I don't know, maybe it was my left. I'm not sure. But one hand, like it was a horn. And I pulled him all around.

I know my son is brainwashed, just like these monitors and others, because he poited out the purple car and said he liked it best, on the cover, and the purple flower, but if it's some other week where the big color is green, it's all about green, or whatever.

I'm really tired.

I went to the clinic early because of migraine and just tired now.

He had fun helping act out imaginative things with the stuffed animals and also was interested in Mt. St. Helens when we were talking about volcanoes.

He also asked if I had a Mom and Dad and I said yes and he looked sad and he said, "And you're my Mom?" and I said, "Yes, I am YOUR mama." and he looked very happy and relieved and I added, "Forever and ever" and kissed him on the forehead.

At the end, I put a few toy figures he likes, in his bag to take with for awhile and it was allowed. I felt bad his turtle was returned when he didn't get anything to replace it right away. I wanted him to have the turtle until it was at least exchanged for something to replace it and this wasn't done.

I am tired.

I need a lawyer and probably, more than anything, I need political asylum and I am seriously looking into it if the "big miracle" doesn't happen fast. Poeple are trying to pull my son away from me and at this point, I am defenseless in every way and the psychiatrist won't even confirm he's rescheduling my appointment with him which is for the 13th. I need public defense and documents in place before going to that appointment and this one housing place has me due for making their decision, or their own deadline, on the very same day. I think these people just want to make excuses for a bunch of people and try to "house" me in there.

I don't feel my family is supportive at all and I feel like they never have respected my right to be a single mother, or if so, hoped for something to work out, at least one of them, and then got lied to and screwed over.