I went first to Cafe Mela and this guy in a linen uniform, looked so familiar somehow and kept staring at me. He was goodlooking and I don't know why he looked famliar. I saw this other very tall brown haired guy with a blond at the bookstore and we exchanged natural smiles in passing and he was also very good looking and it was easy to smile at him and nothing strange in his eyes, which was refreshing. I feel guarded lately. Like some people smile, but it's not real, or it's just harder for me to smile. I have been holding my smiles in reserve in some ways, but still friendly.
I thought about Philip Thebaut a lot, more than would do, yesterday. I thought about the things I had written about him when he was a child and how these things came to pass for him. I wrote what I thought he was good at, at age 7, and what I felt his temperment was like and not a lot, but I did write about him in my diary and I didn't remember doing this. I saw what he became or did with his life and then later reread my diary and saw that the things I noticed in him, in my short time with them, all those things which I noticed, came to pass for him and he ended up being what I thought he would be good at.
I guess that's when I imagine I might be good at teaching because I'm able to intuit and pick up what even small children are naturally good at--I can spot their strengths and weaknesses right away. Which is also why I know I should be the one raising my son.
I thought about other people yesterday too of course.
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I had a dream last night or this early morning, about a ski trip, about dogs and construction, and a man who gave me a card with certain verses for St.Peter. It was like an Anglican, Eastern Ortho, or Cahtolic prayer card of some ckind and had started with "St.Peter,..." and had something and then something else. I'll describe the dream though.
I first woke this morning early and then went back to sleep and that's when I had the dream.
First I had somehow randomly ended up on a ski trip. It was very detailed but I don't remember everything. I didn't do any skiiing, I was at the lodge the whole time for some reason.
Then, I was in a house, upstairs, and had someone else's dog with me and something was for peace but it was all chaos. The dog was merrily jumping and chasing a very small bunny around, and then a cat was chasing something else. They were all happy, but there were 3 different chases going on in the room and I looked around and decided I couldn't get anything done at all so I was just going to clean. So I let the dog out and I opened the door and this was a bigger dog and black or more dark brown and in the room it had fluffy hair but when something happened,, I thought maybe it was a lab head, but I couldn't tell. So I let the dog out of my room and he bounded out and down the stairs. It was a nice day and sunny.
Then I heard some horrible thing and looked out my window and there was a huge, huge, group of construction workers, working on the house I was in or building and down below and one was arguing with the other one and then I saw the dog lying motionless but I didn't know in what condition. I thought maybe dead or suffering. It wasn't road construction, it was a massive group for some kind of building construction. So I panicked and these guys were all standing around and I said, "Someone needs to either shoot this dog and put it out of its misery or take it to a vet. I thought maybe it was gone but needed to be shot to keep it from suffering but I didn't know." No one would do anything. Huge group and they ignored me and then kept on working. They just looked up at me and didn't want to stop what they were doing.
I then walked out of my window, onto the roof, and pushed at the shingles with my foot and it began a landslide and I said, as I knew I owned the entire property, "You are to VACATE this premises AT ONCE." When I pushed a small bit with my foot, shingles began to slide down and then more work came undone and they all looked at me. They had refused to stop what they were doing and just one person going to take care of a dog, and I suddenly realized or knew I owned it or something. So I told them all that they were going to quit what they were doing, and leave. So all of them, at least 50 or so men, quit doing what they were doing and left and I put them all out of work for at least that day and then this one man came up to me and gave me two cards: a business card and then another card that was beige or pale salmon or faded or something and it started with "St. Peter..." and had about 4 or 5 lines which started with "St. Peter" and was some kind of prayer card or verse card. It was plain with no decoration, like a regualar business card but maybe a little shorter and a little bit longer-plain black type and very small. He sort of smiled or smirked and then he left with the rest. I then went inside asked some workers inside of the building if any of them had a gun or time to take the dog to the vet and one said he would and they said that yes, they thought the guys were negligent because one was arguing about not seeing something and was distracted.
So the one guy said he would take the dog in or check it all out and it wasn't sure it had to be shot but the point was that no one cared enough, out of all those people, to stop what they were doing and check.
In the dream, it was very powerful because I was pleading for someone to help and just stop and check on something and all of them wouldn't do it and so I stood on the roof and pushed their work down and said they were all done for the day and they couldn't argue either, because they all knew, as I did in that moment, that I was the owner or had the right. I don't think it was that I owned the business but that I owneed the whole property. But don't know.
So then I woke up and wondered what the Peter card was all about. In the dream, and also, dreams can be just dreams and nothing more, but in the dream, the man giving me the card was a white middle aged man. It wasn't a picture prayer card, more like a little note, could have been Protestant too, just started with old King James language with St. Peter.
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The first song I played this morning, coming to mind sometime after 9:00 was Nanci Griffith, "Love At The Five and Dime."http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwevqcForgM
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I want to get into my own apartment and this is a goal. Obviously, one which shouldn't be hard, but I'm tired of having people report on everything I do if I'm staying with others. I just want my own spot and for my son.
I was looking at the color of Nanci Griffith's shirt and I think the card about st. Peter was sort of close to this color. Maybe not exact, and it was a dream of course, and open to interpretation. It was solid color and about this tone or shade but color is different from shade or gradation and not exact on that.
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My information from where I am staying was shared with people at state offices. Just as it was with the last place and place before and the room had stuff set up with things that were to point out to me this was the case.
I also feel concerned about what is going on with my family and how they are being manipulated.
I received a note from my mother, in her handwriting, but the envelope that had money in it, was not written with either my mother or my aunt's handwriting. It was done in the handwriting of the visitation monitor I believe, and the receipt for change didn't match the amount I was given back.
Why would the visitation monitor have anything to do with money I was given? The note from my mother was written in her writing and she said she was givnig the refund on money, but the money was in a sealed envelope that had the handwriting of the visitation monitor and the money didn't match up. Instead of getting $108 or so back for the pet, I was given "113.09". Whatever that's supposed to mean.
I feel it's been the intent of people here to keep me out of my own housing so I'm unable to have any privacy. I think someone must be making money off of monitoring my every move and reporting on me and harassing me. Because this is not normal and it would only be done if someone were trying to get to me. Every single person I've stayed with has given information about me to state workers and I have state workers turning around and doing the same thing with the public.
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I knew, as of yesterday, that a lawyer in town is psychic. Doesn't talk about it. I overheard him talking once and thought he sounded really shallow but even if he is, he has some psychic ability. I saw him crossing through the park yesterday and today at a coffee place. He knows I now something about him is different, I think. HThat's all I can say. There are tons of lawyers, and many crossing the park and cafes all the time every single day. I had the burning sensation happen when I didn't even have my laptop turned on, when he passed yesterday. I believe it was psychi in that small case, rather than technology. My laptop wasn't on and I sat on a park bench alone. It's possible, technology, but I thought it was something else.
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I had someone tell me to keep reading the book about the Grail yesterday. Last night I read from that book that had the diagram of the ogive and I read chapters 18-21. For some reason, I don't know, I read all kinds of things, but everytime I read this, it's sort of...I don't know. I don't dare describe it. But something happens whenever I started to read about it. I guess I'll go from the start and read the whole thing, just for educational purposes.
Have an appointment now that I have to go to.
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Here's the wiki link to St. Peter. I wanted to look him up and will read it more fully later. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Peter
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