Tired & My Psychic Work--Candle--& Image

This morning I saw this hammer up in a corner of a room and I was going to use it later for something outside but didn't so I put it outside where I'd find it. It wasn't there later. I felt the hammer sort of represented keeping me down so I took it outside before I did my prayer and psychic stuff.

Someone's grandma brought in a white nightgown and clothes but I'm not wearing anything that I haven't picked out myself. I'd rather look like a prophet again, until I get the rest of my clothes, than wear something else.

This morning I felt like cleaning up a rosebush. So I got the loppers out and totally cleaned it up and found a yellow candy wrapper at the base where who the hell knows it could have been placed. It wasn't old but it was tucked in under all the thorns and blight and dead stuff. I really hacked at that bush and it looks great now. I used the loppers, a saw even, and the hand held ones.

I don't know what got into me because it's not like I am staying there, but my old habit of doing light gardening in the morning, to music, took over. It was instinctual and I had to free the rosebush. I do NOT like heavy gardening. Just very light stuff.

I also met some children next door who were all really sweet.

I woke up feeling fine, but had no dreams at all.

I felt I should reserve time for praying and doing psychic stuff so I set aside one hour to do it.

I feel like I'm being monitored again somehow though. I am getting into my own place ASAP.

I don't feel I did very well with my prayers and psychic stuff--like really, today, I could have used the whole time at the house.

I did my thing of praying and then randomly opening up to different sections in the Bible. I want to find a shop today with spikenard. I opened up the Bible 7 times randomly today. I did one thing I've never done before, which came to mind instinctually (tracing).

First, it was this huge Bible and I later found out there was a Bible dictionary in the back but didn't know. Just opened up and I got Isaiah 42, right at the beginning. Then I got a section of the Bible dictionary, with photos of syrian bears, egyptian baskets, and the coin of Alexander Balas. 3rd time I got Esther again. With this one, I closed my eyes and felt the idea to, instead of just randomly flipping it open, to trace a finger from the very top all the way down to the bottom. With my eyes closed. And I got the idea to read right to left wherever my finger fell. It fell on Esther 3:2. Then I was drawn to what I was sitting in front of immediately, which was Esther 5:6. When I read the part about giving her up to half of the kingdom, I thought about Kathryn Howard for some reason, bc I think I read Henry was so in love with her once that he said something similiar and he gave her things out of his heart but then thought she was unfaithful (or trapped and framed)--it sounded like he was truly in love with her. Next I got St. John 1:45-46 where it says, "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" And then I opened up randomly to the Bible Dictionary part and got the page with just a photo of a plant in front of me and it was Spikenard. So I looked it up and found it was used in feasts and for ointments in the Bible. It also mentioned 2 references, one in Mark where the woman pours spikenard over someone's head and then another time in Matthew? where Mary pours the oil over the feet of Jesus and washes them with her hair. I looked immediately above the plant photo for the description of spikenard, but the term above it was "Throne". So I had to find it by going to the page before, because it wasn't even on the facing pages. I don't know why throne was above spikenard because it's supposed to be alphabetical and s before t and it wasn't even on that page. The very last thing I did, was to close my eyes and turn the Bible all over with eyes shut and turn it in every direction and then trace my finger from top to bottom and I got the very start of the Book of Ezekiel. Pg. 803. To be fair, and complete, it was upside down when I opened my eyes so I turned it around. I didn't read it. I just thought it was strange that 4 times in one week I've opened directly to the start of certain books. But since I already feel like a prophet sometimes, I didn't bother to read it. I felt, from what I read, that I wanted to find the oil of spikenard and wear it today but I don't think it's sold around here. I would like to research it more.

The final thing I did, after this and singing a small bit, was to pray and what came to mind first was all the downtrodden. I prayed for the downtrodden, handicapped, poor, disenfranchised, and that was in my lap to pray for and came very easily. Then I prayed for a few other things and that was all. From about 9:30-10:30 though I looked at the clock at 10:11.

One thing I thought was sort of strange was that I had a candle lit and it remained lit no matter what position I was in. The only time it ever went out was when I left the room for more than a few minutes. Two times, I left to get something to eat or whatever, and when I came back the candle was out and I had to relight it. But if I was there, even if I was on the other side of the room, it stayed lit. Sort of weird.
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Out of everything I read I'm sort of most interested, in the moment, in spikenard. I want to know where it's used and mentioned and for what reasons. It resonated with me but I have no idea what it's for. But I'm researching and it sounds interesting. Both passages I read in references were of pouring this oil on the head of Jesus. But then I've just read it's also mentioned twice in the Song of Solomon and there must be other uses and traditions.

I liked wearing patchouli the other day, and I might have to get some of that with a blend and then I also like the idea of finding spikenard. I just read too that it was sometimes used for embalming bodies and also used for glass production a very long time ago. Want to know more. I would also like to know if there is any custom of ritual of tracing from top to bottom, a book.
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I also had one image. I don't know who this person was though. But I saw a man's face. It was very similiar to the face of the main detective or FBI guy from "Bones". Maybe a little bit different...maybe. But I saw a distinct face and I just don't know how to draw it. Smirking or smiling. I think more of a mischeivious smirk. It was a very distinct male face and the first person to mind was that it was simiiar to the bones guy.
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A strange thing was that after my practical melt-down and being absolutely uprooted in every way, last night, I woke up in my dire and very depressing situation feeling peace. Absolutely bizarre. I mean, I am totally being ridiculed and then this stuff was set out which I don't want and I'm not wearing, and I'm monitored again, and yet I feel peace. WHY?! in the world SHOULD I? I got pissed a few times and a little irritated, but in general, feel this encompassing peace. I am totally humiliated and degraded and everyone knows and yet I know my worth I think, and feel close to God despite all these things.

I asked the man across the street, who is the owner of the place, what the name of the rosebush is but he doesn't know. I'm just curious. I don't know what color they are either.

I think I could do a lot better work and do more tonight with the praying and everything but need more private space and focus. I sang on my own, "Our God Is An Awesome God" and "Whom Have I But You" before praying. I also prayed protection for my son and myself and for my path and I got a slight image but I don't know what it means. I asked for protection on the path I take and that I'm not misguided. I got the image of two hands and fingers coming together to form a shape but I can't say what it is bc I don't know what it means.

First it was level, like flat, and then someone brought the hands up and it may have turned a little and there was a shape.

Maybe it was something someone was doing, or a masonic symbol or just something I picked up somehow. I don't know. Both hands were used and fingers touching to form the shape.

The other things I did were just bc I was feeling pissy. I did some very nice things and was myself today, with the children, and then when it came to a few others, pissy. I saw a couple of kids crossing the street, one with a stringed instrument in a cover and I said, somehow knowing I think, "You need new strings." They both stopped, stood and stared and didn't make a move. I just walked on. They were wearing red and black.

Then, I passed these two teens on a porch when I was looking for someone and they were making faces and after I politely asked a question, one said something like, "So what road are you going to choose now?" and at that, I walked up and stared at both of them and was getting something about a Dad. I don't know if it was the right one, but I directed it to this one guy and said, "So what's the deal with your Dad?" and his look changed. I said, "He's hasn't been there much?" and he said, "I see him every other weekend." I said, "Oh, but he's not there much." I said this after saying to them, with their mocking "what road now?" comment, I said, "You're kinda cocky aren't you?" and then said the bit about the Dad. Guy in yellow shirt. The other guy was just looking down. Wearing a shirt that said KAT: kill on top. I said I liked his shirt and added as I walked away, "Careful, I might hex you."

I meant no harm. None at all. I sort of felt bad about the dad thing. Shouldn't have said it but I don't like being mocked either! and I figured I should try out my psychic stuff.

Things are fine.

I just want my son and that's it. I also prayed to God, that since He answered some of my prayers in the past, I prayed that He would answer my prayer about another thing, that I prayed for wisdom and this was answered (not in the way I wanted) so I prayed for new insights and for power. The power to combat other psychic stuff. I also felt this one guy who had cancer might be healed but I wouldn't want to think or say this and have it not happen.

I was going to go to church today to find someone but forgot.

My problem here is that I don't have anyone on my side, helping me fight the system and my own family for the return of my son. My family doesn't get to have a say in whether my son is with me or not. But they think they do. And then I DO know a couple of people thought someone or some group was going to pull for me, but the cowards backed out or the bullies stepped up.

I am seriously, for the first time ever in my life, considering how to possibly work out some spells, but christian spells. I have prayed for things before and nothing happens, and this one guy said to me months ago, "Whatever you do, don't pray for a miracle" like it backfired last time. Well, that guy was the same one who was happy with the idea I might be in jail for a no show to court for something I didn't do, and then my buddy bailed me out. So I upped the ante with God today and I prayed for a bigger miracle and one that no obstacles could impede. Problem is, I don't know what I really prayed for because it's kinda general and I left it up to God. I don't know what sort of miracle or big happening I should pray for, so I kept it general.

But I am also thinking about how to pray for, and bind things that I want to happen, and yet in a christian way, not to be a wild card wrecking havoc.

I said one thing this morning, as a minor test, but I will never know. I said, "Even though I look ugly and my hair isn't washed and I'm wearing the same thing and have no make up on, make some of those guys think I look really good (not body really, just attractive) even though I look like shit." I didn't go for sexual at all which I didn't want, but more of a respectful, "Hmmm, she's actually pretty" (even if I'm not). I am just testing things. I even refused to wash my hair, on purpose. I took a shower but decided "Nah, leave the hair dirty". I also thought about how I wanted a pair of shoes but then in comes this guy with a new shirt. I didn't want a shirt. I wanted shoes. I was thinking I wanted shoes so I could go dancing, in my dirty jeans and dirty bra and tank top and who cares. But I really cannot imagine dancing in tennis shoes. But that's all okay. Seriously. I don't need anything.I don't have to go dancing either. But it was sort of funny that I got a new shirt, newly bought, after thinking about wanting shoes, even used. Still, it was just nice that someone got me a shirt even. It was thoughtful. I just didn't know if wearing it would mean something so I'm just wearing my old stuff.

The energy was good until right now. 5 minutes until 8. Like someone is sad or something. I hope my son is fine. The other thing was that I saw this bear foot or foot with long nails belt after I was walking around in socks and had seen this image of a bear in the Bible. He hung it up by me and then took it away. He said his Dad was high tech military. Shot down a whole fleet or house or canapers or kitncaboodle of snipers.

I don't know what he called it. When a large group or family of snipers are all on a house and you're all by yourself and then his Dad took every one of them out, by himself, when he was totally outnumbered.

I know for a fact snipers are interested in me because I spot things that most people don't spot. But that does not mean my calling is to be a sniper and NO THANKS. I think I'm a little bit more of a psychic type with a few other unusual abilities, like knowing something is "out there" before anyone else sees it. I swear, my whole family has probably been Manchurian Candidates and CIA guinea pigs.

I was going to get my son a guinea pig bc it's what he wants but then I thought about that. I thought..."Waaaaayyyyt a second..."

"Chahlie, chahlie, wake up chahlie...it's time to go to Candy Mountain Chahlie!"
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The other thing I prayed for were a lot of different countries. That came after praying for disenfranchised. But it was easy to pray for countries today.. The very last thing that came to mind to pray for, as I was throwing a wrapper into the garbage was "peace". And then this phrase of "Make Me A Channel Of Peace" came to mind. I didn't pray it, but it was to mind and then I guess I wished it out there but I didn't focus or meditate on it. Oh, and when I prayed for the disenfranchised and downtrodden, a bird on the roof chirped loudly the whole time and then quit later. But started up and then stopped.
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okay, I'll try to describe the hand symbol but I think it might be something for someone else who was doing this. It was sort of like it was held out straight, palms down

First I sort of saw hands straight across palms down and then maybe the thumbs came together and the hands were then raised up, palms facing out instead of down. At first I thought it was a square but no, it was one shape and then it sort of looked like a triangle but more like a diamond somehow. I think the reason I thought Masonry came to mind was maybe because it sort of resembled the symbol. I don't know how to describe it though.

Really hard to describe. But first flat down and then raised up out facing away from body but I saw it as if they were my own hands, in front of me, I think, or at lest I just saw the hands and no one behind the hands. It was like I saw it from the one who was doing it. Or just the hands, separated from any body, that's what I saw. Down, then sort of, from where I see, to the slight left and almost a square and then shifting to more of a diamond shape. But hands.

I think maybe it's a secret hand sign. I didn't get the impression it was a gang sign but something different somehow.