"I'm losing my patience with you"
Join the fucking army and navy and air force
of people who are "losing" their patience with me
people have been losing their patience with me
since I was 4
since I refused to stop with the standard "why?s"
6, refused to wear the dress my mother made for me,
her first art project
11, refused to sing on command,
13, refused to do my homework
14, refused to go to the dance if i couldn't go with him,
15, refused to take the blame for something i didn't do
17, refused to kiss the boy,
18, refused to clean my room and make my bed,
and i'm not going to go through decades of what i should
have done, and didn't do.
i did a lot more for others than anyone ever did for me
and i tried to please everyone, most of the time
i walk to the beat of a different drummer
and maybe it's not my fault that sometimes i'm tired
of the hard terrain i walk on, and the tunnels
sometimes, at the worst possible moment, i want to read a book
other times, when i'm encouraged to take up hobbies and interests,
i'm only napping or trying to survive

everyone loses patience with me because i don't do what they
want me to do, what they think i should do
i'm not arguing that these things shouldn't be done
but i'm fucking tired and i lost my patience with the demands
and the misunderstandings when i was 3 or 4.

i had a lot of questions then, and no one took the fucking
time to answer them. why is the grass green? but why?
well, if that is true, why? why? i didn't want the short answer
i wanted to understand. i've been more interested in understanding
and mastering the world, and i couldn't expect very much

so call me a slacker. call me a product of my gen X.
go join the fucking coast guard and sick them on my ass for
sitting down on the job
i lost my patience with this world a long time ago, and i just
try to ride it out
if i could leave, i would
**********************************************************************

my dear son,
if i knew someone who would fly in by night
and help me abduct you
to free you from the hostage
i would
i have no negotiation skills for this
i know how to hold off a man with a knife and a gun
but not the state
i know how to keep my cool
but can't depend upon my own government
to save you from the political machinery and abuse
if i could fly in to you,
angel of the night
i would sweep you up and whisk you away
if i knew how to fly
we would leave this place
this country
these people
this bullshit
and the triangle that tells me i'm bullshitting myself
i would save you from your bleak nights
your attempts to make others smile so they won't
leave you
it has been too long
and you cannot stand much longer
you haven't become stronger
but more disappointed and resigned and
disillusioned by your 2 year old world
if i could make a peaceful escape with you
without having to jump through the
interrogation and the propoganda
the lies and conceit, and attempts to
make me hold up a white board,
sign a confessional,
and speak for the cameras
about how well everyone has been treating
you and me
i would
i would save us
the way god never did
i live in a country of sheep
who have little bells on the collars around their necks
i would leave all promise of romance
fortune, luck, fame
you are my only love
my first love
true, heart splitting and undivided love
the only one i loved and love with all of my heart
i let me guard down and do not regret it
you need my hugs and affection
if i knew how to give the middle finger
i would
instead, i am a prisoner in my own country
and you are made a bargaining chip
sometimes i try to forget
and use distractions to ignore the pain
but you are always on my mind
i am still coming for you
don't worry
mama is figuring things out
when one door closes
another one opens